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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to want to tell MIL to sort out her 13 yr old brat?

29 replies

MillyMaisMummy · 27/10/2009 10:37

*really really really annoyed so excuse the rant and swear

my sodding SIL who is coming up 14 and a bloody spoilt little cow is allowed to get away with EVERYTHING

MIL spends nearly £1000 a month on singing dancing and acting lessons for SIL (even though she trying to live her dream through SIL who consequently cannot do any of the above!).

Now SIL was moaning the other day (as we had her umped on us the other weekend as in laws went on a dirty weekend and we got a newborn so was not impressed and was bullied into looking after SIL)that i would'nt let her mate stay over unless she tidied her bedroom as it was a fucking tip. She turned and said "I cant see why i have to tidy it,its not like i get pocket money!!!!" i just had to walk out the room as i would of lost it totally.When MIL asked how she behaved when she came back, i told her exactly how rude SIL had been over the entire weekend and did say "i would of slapped her if she was mine" which i said in a joking manner but meant it. MIL just let her get away with it all and didnt tell her off but winged,moaned and bitched cuz we left a saucer in the sink.If i had spoken to anyone who had looked after me at that age my mum would of wooped my ass and grounded me.I know i said i never wanted to be likemy mum but here goes....whats wrong with kids today? when did they get so rude and cheeky????I know its not all kids but my days im so annoyed....sorry about the rant but i feel so much better lol! [hangry[hangry

OP posts:

Servalan · 27/10/2009 11:20

I think the "I would have slapped her if she was mine" comment was pretty out of order actually. Also, not nice to post on a parenting website calling a 13 y.o. a "brat"

YANBU to be irritated by her behaviour. Also, I can see that feeling pressured into looking after her when you're adjusting to a newborn was unfair.

I'd be more annoyed with the attitude of your MIL tbh. Teenagers always tested the boundaries - in this day and age - and yes, when we were young too!

borderslass · 27/10/2009 12:02

my mil still treats her adult daughter like butter wouldn't melt she's has a nearly 13 year old daughter who's never been told no in her life and neither can do wrong in her eyes as far as were concerned we've finished with them now after the way our youngest is treated by them.child is the sly-est kid I've ever met.
I don't think YBU at all our kids respect us and others and they in return are respected and loved by most people who meet them yes they have their moments as all kids do but we admit it.

OrmIrian · 27/10/2009 12:05

You don't much like your MIL either do you? 'dirty weekend'? Why shouldn't they fo away?

And I think I'd have been pissed off if someone told me my DD was a 'brat' and needed a slap.

However I can see the child was a bit of a nightmare - but I think 13yr olds tend to be like that.

abbierhodes · 27/10/2009 12:06

Oh for goodness sake Servalan. Exactly how is all this political correctness doing the world any good?
OP, she sounds like a spoilt brat, and I'd have slapped her if she was mine too.

saintmaybe · 27/10/2009 12:17

Nice

whoooooisasking · 27/10/2009 12:27

It's posts like this that make my heart go all warm and fuzzy.

"Dirty Weekend" ?

If you had said that my child deserved a slap I would have given you very short shrift myself TBH.

This child is 13 FFS.

Qally · 27/10/2009 12:36

"Exactly how is all this political correctness doing the world any good...

...she sounds like a spoilt brat, and I'd have slapped her if she was mine too."

You answered your own question, I think. [hmmm]

Horton · 27/10/2009 12:41

How is it 'political correctness' to think that a bit of basic respect ought to cut both ways?

The child sounds very very annoying and badly brought up but there's no need to hit anyone and I don't suppose telling a mother you want to slap her kid is the best way to start a constructive dialogue...

curiositykilled · 27/10/2009 12:41

Agree with everything Servalan said.

lljkk · 27/10/2009 12:42

YABU, because it's not your place to tell MIL how to parent (just as you don't want her unsolicited input on your parenting decisions), but on the other details...

You watched the SIL all weekend, leaving your own home to do so(??) when you have a new baby of your own, too; and MIL bitched about a saucer in the sink? Okay, that is well out of order on MIL's part.

Why is it your place to be putting conditions on the SIL having friends around (overnight, I guess)? Why not just say you don't want the extra responsibility of her mates coming around overnight; has SIL's friend or her parents even met you before?

I think you are out of order ordering the child to clean her room, it's too much loco inparentis.

Basically, you are ratty with new baby and teenage moods are too much extra. Send your DH over alone to babysit next time, and hang out in your own space with baby instead.

Lulumama · 27/10/2009 12:44

agree you cannot get into any sort of constructive chat re her behaviour when your attitude is so hateful and you say you want to slap her

do you have teenagers?

sounds like a normal 14 year old to me, gobby, rude, can't be bothered doing anything without reward....

sounds like there is a subtext of you not liking MIL and being angry that she spends all that money on SIL and you feel the child is dumped on you

if you don't like them, then don't have anything to do with them and don't threaten to slap them!!

bastardingmen · 27/10/2009 12:53

She sounds like a normal spolit teen TBH, you however sound like a nasty piece of work

posieparksherbroom · 27/10/2009 13:06

Ah OP I can't help thinking if your post was better written with a smattering of "middle classness" about it people would be more sympathetic.

Try this:
My SIL,14 is very very spoilt. My MIL sets no boundaries and the teen is truly suffering as are everyone around her.

MIL spends nearly £1000 a month on singing dancing and acting lessons for SIL (even though she trying to live her dream through SIL who consequently cannot do any of the above!) and she has three ponies that she never grooms.

We have a newborn that I'm bf and so getting little sleep and MIL asked, well told, us to let SIL stay. Unfortunately SIL has little respect for us and so completely trashes her room. As she wanted a friend to come to stay I asked her to tidy her room. Her response was truly horrid, complaining that as she doesn't get pocket money from us she didn't see why she should do it. Feeling really frustrated I left the room.

My MIL, upon return, asked if SIL had behaved and I had to tell her that she was both rude, disrespectful and,then stupidly blurted, that if she were my dd I would have found it difficult not to slap her, all jokingly of course. MIL said nothing to her dd but moaned that we had left a saucer in the sink.

I'm pretty sure that if I had spoken to anyone in the manner my SIL did to me my DM would have been furious and I would have been grounded. What has happened to children these days, they are just so rude.

Phew rant over, lol.

There now, much more MN!!

bastardingmen · 27/10/2009 13:09

Its not the way its written, its the sentiment behind it - whether its middle classness or chavdom, she clearly has little regard for her MIL and SIL - and its not very nice to speak and swear about someones else's child however you write it!

It stinks of judgy smugness!

2rebecca · 27/10/2009 13:09

She may be a brat, but I'd just refuse to have her again and avoid your husband's family for a while.
Your MIL can parent her kids how she likes, but you can refuse to look after them if they are stroppy.
If they're winding you up that much it sounds like you need a break from them. Just leave them to it and let husband visit if he wants.

ButtercupWafflehead · 27/10/2009 13:11

Just say "sorry we can't have SIL actually. As we have a newborn baby, things are quite hard-going already".

No-one can make you have her. She knows how she behaves, and perhaps may make the connection that spoilt brattiness = unwelcomeness.

posieparksherbroom · 27/10/2009 13:12

The OP does seem much older than a teen herself though.

HerBewitcheditude · 27/10/2009 13:18

Yes YABU.

Wait till someone calls your 13 year old a brat.

Sorry but you sound horrible. Dirty weekend indeed, is that what you call it when you go away with your DH for a weekend?

I can only put it down to hormones. At least, I hope that's what it is, not a surfeit of Eastenderism.

OrmIrian · 27/10/2009 13:21

Yes posie, you may well be right. But the OP didn't choose to post that. She posted an ill-tempered rude OP that got everyone's backs up. Talking about slapping children and complaining about ILs going on a 'dirty weekend' tends to indicate that she isn't exactly a charming person herself.

skybright · 27/10/2009 13:23

It sounds like she respects you about as much as you respect her....nada. She sounds like any other teenager responding to being in a house that she is not wanted/liked very much so i am not surprised......she most likely would have rather spent her weekend elsewhere.

If anyone said they "would have slapped her if she was mine". My estimation of them and their parenting skills would go way down in my estimation.

posieparksherbroom · 27/10/2009 13:29

I cannot imagine ever telling anyone that I would have slapped a child if they were mine, OP you sound far too young to be 'parenting' a teen.

shineoncrazycockchatter · 27/10/2009 13:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Jamieandhismagictorch · 27/10/2009 14:50

Noooooooo

motherbeyond · 27/10/2009 15:22

and what's it to you how much your mil chooses to spend on her daughter? jealous much?!![evny]

seriously,it is apparant that you dislike your dh's side of the family.

it should not concern you how much is spent on another member of the family, and if your mil chooses to go for a "dirty weekend"? bloody good on her!

fair enough,she should have arranged alternative childcare, as you have your hands full with a newborn (presumably your first)which always takes a period of adjustment.

your sil,i'm guessing, sensed your ill-feeling and,quite rightly, set up her own defences...who can blame her?

snotty and ill mannered she may be,just as you appear to be envious and hateful.

i sense there is much more to this than you have revealed.

notwavingjustironing · 27/10/2009 15:25

tis disrespect, on both sides, innit?

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