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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not visit relatives who more than one hour away until the children are older?

127 replies

indiewitch · 25/10/2009 13:56

Is this unreasonable do you think? We have an 18m dd who is terrible in the car, she basically screams/cries continuously.
I'm thinking of refusing to visit anyone unless I can do it in a day until they are much older, would this be very unreasonable?
I hate this idea that somehow a weekend away somewhere the other side of the country is in any way fun, horrendous journey, v. little sleep at night and then similarly awful trip home. Then back to work and school the next day, all shattered and couple of days later one of us is ill and taking time off work and school.

OP posts:
mrsjammi · 26/10/2009 14:43

This reply has been deleted

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pleasechange · 26/10/2009 14:49

monstrous - people have offered some really useful tips for long journeys, and have given their experiences on how they have made it work. Would it be better if everyone just said "oh poor you, don't bother then"

MonstrousMerryHenry · 26/10/2009 14:52

Talk about putting words in my mouth, allnew. Did I say that? No. I just said sympathy would be nice.

pleasechange · 26/10/2009 15:00

people generally don't come on AIBU looking for sympathy. I'm not one of those who think they should get a bashing, but surely useful tips and advice, together with an honest opinion, is what any OP on AIBU is looking for

MonstrousMerryHenry · 26/10/2009 15:04

So that means they shouldn't get sympathy? how bizarre. Is this some MN rule that I've missed off the t&c's?

What's wrong with sympathy plus advice?

pleasechange · 26/10/2009 15:12

oh ffs. So if you every start a thread on AIBU in the future I will be sure to start with the sympathy before giving you my opinion. My goodness, maybe you also were coseted too much as a child

stuffitllllama · 26/10/2009 15:17

that's not very nice all

I do think you can tell when someone's at tether's end

KERALA1 · 26/10/2009 15:19

We had a tricky traveller and in laws 5 hours drive away. Our solution was have a tiring afternoon, do the bed time routine, bath, pjs, story etc then shove her in the car seat with a blanket instead of the bed. Yes they yell but eventually they cannot help but fall asleep, especially if you have Radio 4 Question time type programme on in the background.

Knew we had converted her to car travel when she also started clapping solemnly when the audience did after a politician had answered a question.

MonstrousMerryHenry · 26/10/2009 15:21

Oh good grief woman. Don't be so childish. It's perfectly reasonable to offer sympathy and advice; it shows an ability to empathise. It's not about cossetting, it's about good listening skills (or whatever the online equivalent is).

You clearly have great difficulty with this, as well as a wildly overactive imagination and a propensity to exaggerate; well that's your problem.

pleasechange · 26/10/2009 15:26

If you read my original response to the OP, you will see that I said I could understand how she might find this difficult particularly if she didn't want to do the visit herself. I also made a suggestion for dealing with a long car trip. Despite these points, in my opinion, it is still unreasonable to stop all car journeys over 1 hour. I really don't see how you see this as me lacking empathy

MonstrousMerryHenry · 26/10/2009 15:34

"people generally don't come on AIBU looking for sympathy" "oh ffs. So if you every start a thread on AIBU in the future I will be sure to start with the sympathy before giving you my opinion. My goodness, maybe you also were coseted too much as a child" - remember this? Sound empathic?

My original post about sympathy was not directed to you as an individual, allnew. It was directed at people who bashed the OP and showed no understanding. Since you say you expressed empathy and advice in your original post it why on earth have you been ranting on about me saying sympathy and advice would be nice? Do you have nothing else to do today? It's clear that you completely misunderstood my post because you imagined what I was inferring and decided that of course you must be right.

pleasechange · 26/10/2009 15:37

I don't only give opinions about posts that are directed at me. This is a public forum, which means that all who access it are free to respond to all posts. Personally I hadn't see any OP bashing, and didn't feel that any more sympathy was due, so I gave my opinion on that. What does it matter if the point was directed at me or not?

MonstrousMerryHenry · 26/10/2009 15:39

Do you know what? This is turning into one of those circular arguments, and I feel like you're still missing my point. I can't be bothered anymore.

lovechoc · 26/10/2009 15:43

I think we've all had difficult situations with our DC, but at the end of the day, wrapping them in cotton wool for their whole childhood isn't going to give them a realist view of the world either...

As far as I could see, no one was bashing the OP. Just being direct and giving honest opinions. Why are people being all defensive??

lovechoc · 26/10/2009 15:45

so if someone has a different opinion to the majority on a thread that must mean they are bashing the OP..right then..

LeninGhoul · 26/10/2009 15:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MonstrousMerryHenry · 26/10/2009 16:02

Oh, grief, here we go again.

"if someone has a different opinion to the majority on a thread" - lovechoc, read my post. Then tell me how you came up with that theory based on what I actually wrote, rather than what you imagined.

Lenin - that's right. I keep wondering whether we just struck lucky with DC1 and perhaps DC2 will be a different kettle of fish entirely.

LeninGhoul · 26/10/2009 16:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Tortington · 26/10/2009 17:57

"By bigchris on Mon 26-Oct-09 07:28:33
How old does the baby have to be before you would stop expecting other people to do all the visiting thiugh custy?

dh's grandma is 86, if we didnt drive six hours to see her she would never have met her great grandchikdren. Somethings you just have to grit your teeth through and get on with it."

i think bigchris, you are making a point for making a points sake. I Don't think anyone would seriously suggest making grandma negotiate public transport for your convenience.

one could aslo say 'but i have a friend with three disabled children .....'

piscesmoon · 26/10/2009 19:12

I think that the train is far worse with a young DC-at least in the car they are strapped in and can't get down-trying to keep them amused in a seat on the train is a nightmare, or it was with mine.

NinthWave · 26/10/2009 19:21

My 2yo DS hates travelling long distances by car, but is absolutely fine on the train - this summer we went from Manchester to Cornwall (6 hours) and he was just fine, not a peep. He can move around/look out the window/have a stretch, and it's farless restrictive than a car seat.

We regularly travel Manchester to London to see family on the train - but no way would I do it by car!

lovechoc · 26/10/2009 19:50

certain posters seem to be getting their big wooden spoons out - big time.

anyway back to the OP - I think if you are seeing it as a mountain too difficult to negotiate just stay at home and have others visit you. each to their own.

thesecondcoming · 26/10/2009 20:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pointyhat · 26/10/2009 20:05

yanbu if it is just a thoroughly unpleasant experience with no redeeming features.

Can they not visit you and then you only have to do the trip maybe twice a year?

Tortington · 26/10/2009 20:07

i think there should be no visiting. and that everyone should stay indoors at all times forever

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