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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think if you want to study in peace go to a library and not a public cafe!

28 replies

FangedGhoulForTheMonstrosities · 25/10/2009 07:37

This is just a rat/pet peeve really.

Was in a cafe yesterday afternoon and ended up sitting in a corner surrounded by students with books and laptops. DD (who has SN) was being a TINY bit noisy (whinging quietly, she is not a noisy child) and one of them kept sighing and glaring at us and eventually closed her books in sulky manner.

We actually found ourselves whispering like we were in a library. And this was a cafe on a Saturday afternoon.

This seems to happen in all of the cafes in my area (university city). All the ones round a park we go to are always full of studying students who glare at her if she makes a noise and look really miffed if we go and sit near them.

Feel like being extra-noisy but am too spineless!

AIBU?

OP posts:
Original poster
FangedGhoulForTheMonstrosities · 25/10/2009 07:37

this is not a RAT but a rant

OP posts:
nowwhatdoido · 25/10/2009 07:44

No you're not, and one day these students will have children of their own and realise that they were the ones being unreasonable.

TombliBOOOOOObs · 25/10/2009 07:45

YANBU

Cafes are a social space, not made to be quiet for students to study.

Glare back and tell them the sound of their brain working is putting you of your coffee

Original poster
FangedGhoulForTheMonstrosities · 25/10/2009 07:46

Yes, I was probably like that as a student!

Actually if you are extra noisy they usually leave, maybe this is a good idea!

OP posts:
Original poster
FangedGhoulForTheMonstrosities · 25/10/2009 07:47

oops X-posted Tomnliboooobs, yes I think I will have to do that..or say:

"oh sorry, has this changed into a library, I thought it was a cafe?"

OP posts:
skidoodle · 25/10/2009 07:53

Yanbu, well except in feeling at all self-conscious that your child is making a small amount of noise in a public place in the middle of the day.

Tee2072 · 25/10/2009 07:54

I actually had someone who was studying turn to me in a cafe and say 'I'm sorry, I know this isn't a library, but would you mind keeping it down?'

To which I replied 'Yes, I would.' and turned back to my conversation. Which was being held at a normal level for a cafe. Not like we were screaming at each other or anything.

Original poster
FangedGhoulForTheMonstrosities · 25/10/2009 07:54

I know, I am just shy and there are so many of the feckers (err I mean students!)

OP posts:
Original poster
FangedGhoulForTheMonstrosities · 25/10/2009 07:55

Tee - You rock!

I will say that if they ever say anything to me!!

OP posts:
SHRIIIEEEKPoolingBearBlood · 25/10/2009 07:56

sounds like they'd be put off by normal adult conversation, so yanbu at all.
Don't most university libraries have cafes too? If they go there they can reserve their tuts for fellow students

Tee2072 · 25/10/2009 07:56

Hey, if you ask me a question, I'll give you an answer! And I did mind!!

Original poster
FangedGhoulForTheMonstrosities · 25/10/2009 07:57

I am going to be soooo noisy now I know i am not BU..in fact will go there today!

OP posts:
2rebecca · 25/10/2009 08:05

No YANBU, are they pretending to be Satre or something? At least when the French intellectuals visited cafes they sat and chatted to each other and spent alot of time bouncing ideas about.
I' d occasionally go in coffee shops as a student if away for the weekend and no where else with table to work but didn't expect silence from others, similarly the kids will often do some of their homework in coffeee shops if we're not at home.
I'm aware doing this though that I'm the one with the more inappropriate use of a coffee shop.
Agree with saying "I think you mistook this coffee shop for a library" if anyone objects or pulls a face.

piscesmoon · 25/10/2009 08:15

I wouldn't worry-they hope for quiet but they know they run the risk of not getting it-it isn't your problem.

Original poster
FangedGhoulForTheMonstrosities · 25/10/2009 08:15

"Who do you think you are, Sartre?" might be another good one!

OP posts:
Georgimama · 25/10/2009 08:18

YANBU - except, as someone else said, to be worried that you were doing something wrong. University libraries are without exception massive and have huge (deserted) silent working areas where you (quite rightly) get glared at if you move paper too noisily, let alone talk.

If they wanted to work quietly, with a coffee, how about their bedroom?

mummygirl · 25/10/2009 08:18

YANBU.
Nothing wrong with studying in a cafe, I used to do it a lot when I was a student and loved it. But you can't expect other people to be quiet for you to study. If they glare do it back. And if they say anything just calmly inform them that "this is a cafe". I hate people who think they own the earth!

GhoulsafraidofVirginiaWoolf · 25/10/2009 08:37

YANBU - I don't see why you should accommodate them as they should be in the bloody library or seminar room.

The cafes and bars at our uni were full of students "studying" including my friends from the course. While you can have a good discussion at a cafe, you cannot read or make notes effectively. Nor can you plan an essay or presentation. None of my friends got that and thought I was a bit quaint to want to study somewhere quiet. They thought I was quaint anyway as I was at least 10 years older than them. They were lovely people just very young, inexperienced and didn't realise that full-time study is a cake walk compared to most jobs.......... I got a much better degree in the end anyway

cory · 25/10/2009 08:48

IF students kept quieter in the university libraries, they would be able to use those as havens of refuge

carocaro · 25/10/2009 09:00

YANBU

During the Summer holidays a man with a laptop and mobile phone asked me and my friends and kids to 'be quiet' in a rude and dismissive way as he was trying 'to make a living' They were not even been that noisy, laughing and joking FFS.

Where were we? His boardroom? His office?

No, McDonalds!

Just because they have free Wifi does not an office make!

Happy Meals man FFS!

We told him to leave if it was too noisy, he was furious, my friend who is Austrailian and very direct told him that if he sat in his car near enough to the building he could get the peace and quiet he wanted and use the free Wifi.

He stormed off, livid. See you!

Original poster
FangedGhoulForTheMonstrosities · 25/10/2009 09:07

He sounds like a prize twunt!

Well done for standing up to him!

OP posts:
piscesmoon · 25/10/2009 10:52

No one in their right mind would expect McDonalds to be quiet!! A prize idiot! There is nothing wrong in working in a cafe etc-but you just have to accept that most people are there for a completely different reason.

TombliBOOOOOObs · 25/10/2009 10:56

'Just because they have free Wifi does not an office make!'

kickassangel · 25/10/2009 11:31

I live in the US midwest, where there's a lot of this cafe culture (BIG distances to travel, so sales people do it a lot, people 'telecommute', and you don't have to be far out of town to not get braodband).

I meet up with a group of friends at a cafe. There's a big back section which is supposed to be reserved for us, but they forgot to put the signs up one week. One guy was wedged in a corner, looking v embarrassed, with about 15 women & 3 kids. We were loud & messy, but he never complained.

Now the bridge ladies, who get the room after us, would have kicked him out!

trellism · 25/10/2009 11:42

I've been doing studying in both cafes and the library whilst on maternity leave. I have to say that my local Costa is much, much quieter than the library! People's mobiles are constantly going off, they have loud chats, teenagers gossip constantly and even the staff hang around yapping.

It's not unreasonable to expect to be able to chat in a cafe, but I think it is unreasonable to expect to behave the same way in the local library.