Do annabel karmel's meal planners make anyone else feel completely inadequate?

[babs102]

They are ridiculous, how does anyone have time to prepare that much food?

and that is why i have a forum, curiosity, where the first post you will see is a very clear manifesto that none of this is in stone, that it's just food at the end of the day and whatever works, works. it's the most-read post on the whole site.

i don't see anything like that in the AK books, funnily enough.

I think curiousity and I may be singing from the same hymn- sheet.
I am not keen on extremes.
I don't like to see people feel like they are not doing a good job if they don't follow something to the rules.
And it doesn't matter what it is.
I hate seeing people upset becasue they are not following GF to the t. So I say, have you read some AP stuff. Becasue that is the other end of the spectrum and it may give you some balance.
I hope that by showing the other extreme, it gives balance. But it doesn't always work. Admittedly.

If someone was struggling with BLW. I might suggest pureeing. If they are struggling with pureeing I would point them in the direction of Aitch's blog.

But lets be honest, most threads get quite 'heated'. Whether your discussing AP, GF, smacking, child left alone, pureeing, BLW, or just about anything esle.
Becasue we all get ..... narked. And becuase people fundamentally disagree. And becasue people are sometimes extreme.

aitch - I think people see what they want though. People read completely insane things into things that I've said on here all the time.

I'm sure, as I can see the evidence on this very thread, that you have been very supportive to people having trouble with weaning. I'm really not trying to criticise that or trying to lump you in a pot with AK or trying to say you're one of the people I described who are putting other people down.

The only part I am objecting to is that by making a blog about it you are, I feel, joining that sphere of cult/rule following. I just feel concerned about the sheer quantity frameworks available and how the culture amongst parents is that it is necessary to find one and follow it - some more extremely than others.

i think you, curio and i and indeed most of us on here are singing from the same hymn sheet. no one wants anyone to be upset by the way that they are choosing to raise their children, no one wants anyone to follow one method beyond the point that it makes them happy.

the thread was perfectly moderate before thesecondcoming appeared, swearing and snarling from the off looking for a fight about weaning despite the fact that she hasn't weaned a child in fifteen years. (and therefore doesn't have a clue about the all-powerful AK).

lol oblomov - yes we probably are!

tbh curio, if you googled blw when i started that blog there were five sites came up, so it was just me noodling about online for a good while. my site costs me quite a lot of money to run every year and i could do without the hassle tbh if you're going to make me out to be some sort of megalomaniac over it.

in arguing that no-one can control how their words are going to be interpreted you are arguing for the dismantling of mn, of the publishing industry, and indeed the entire media. i think that horse has bolted, tbh, and the written word is here to stay.

there have been baby books since the very first pamphlets were run off a press, all we can hope for is that the advice available is sensitive, inclusive and boosts women's confidence, which i believe in my heart my own site does. i wouldn't do it if i didn't.

I do worry that I have never felt inadequate by a book. It seems that plenty of others have.
I do question my parenting. Almost continually, " well, THIS isn't working, is IT ?
But I think thats different.
Curiousity does have a point about women feeling inadequate about their parenting.
OP did.
But I wonder how it got to be this bad. As bad as it currently seems to be ?

Look, BLW is just a name. Take another parenting area - infant feeding - is it more "pretentious" to say "I bottle fed" or "I went to a shop and bought some powdered milk specially for babies and made it up with boiling water from a kettle and fed it to them out of a bottle" - it's just easier to say "I bottlefed" and expect everyone to know what you mean.

It's the same thing - I tend to say "I did BLW" because it's easier and quicker than typing out/explaining "I steamed a carrot and chopped it into batons/opened a banana and broke off a chunk and put it on the highchair tray to let my DS feed himself with it"

Assuming the person you are talking to knows what BLW stands for, it's just a name - not a boast or some kind of proclamation awaiting a medal.

because there are MAHOOSIVE vested interests in making us feel that way. people are making an awful lot of money. plus women aren't in the home any more (thank god), don't have so many children, so a lot of people just aren't exposed to the fact that children bounce when we drop them. i'm the eldest of four, i am not much bothered by parenting trends, but the sight of the AK book sent me off in search of another, less fussy (to coin her phrase) way.

interestingly, my own mother, who left my youngest sister to wean hersefl in a suitably feral fashion, had completely forgotten this and started banging on about purees and AK because she'd heard her grandma pals talk about her. i had to show her some photos of us all covered in spag bol to remind her that she hadn't done this.

aitch - there's no need to be rude to me. I'm not trying to make you out to be a megalomaniac!

I'm not arguing for the dismantling of MN, which is a parenting forum and not a parenting movement. Most people would be aware that they are merely talking to other parents on here and there are disclaimers all over the place to remind you.

I'm just arguing for the removal of 'frameworks'. It is actually what I believe would be better. I'm not, in saying that, trying to imply I believe
you are damaging people. I think the culture of frameworks is undermining parents, that's all.

Not all of the published word is offering a framework. It sounds as though your site is not as bad as some others for this but it calls itself BLW and therefore is linked with all the other literature about the BLW movement. I haven't actually read you site either Aitch, I'm not sure how I'd find it.

Oblomov - I've never felt inadequate because of a book either but I have friends who really have.

I think the culture of frameworks begins in pregnancy and is mostly to do with all these NICE/Government/WHO guidelines. It's a movement towards a culture of following guidelines.

I too think it´s sad that parents are made to feel inadequate by a book.

There´s a lot of information out there.

It doesn´t have to be either or, IMO.

Have parents really lost the ability to find out the options, decide for themselves and combine methods if that´s what is right for them?

yes, i do apologise. i know you weren't. i meant to say people, rather than you. damn the lack of an edit button.

there's a great book, curio, dream babies, it's all about printed childcare advice through the ages. it amply demonstrates that women have ALWAYS turned books on childcare into bestsellers, that AK, GF, needing a framework under which to raise a child is in no way a new phenomenon. it's a wee bit academic but nicely written, and amazing to see how the advice flip flops around through the years. it's very much the prism through which i view any modern childcare advice. including 'follow your instincts' by the way, as those instincts are entirely driven by the prevailing culture.

aha! a x-apology. there is nothing nicer.

Yes, I think we are mostly all singing from the same hymnsheet.

My suspicion is always that the people who declare "we are ..." are actually feeling bad and unconfident (this is probably not always true as some people are just nasty). I worry more when some people try and perpetuate someone else's struggle by making them feel they are failing by not following the rule to the letter. Sometimes people can be horrible but I can see why they do it - they don't want to feel inadequate or they really feel a baby will be harmed by not following 'the rules'. It's sad!

One of my best friends suffered terribly trying to fit her eldest into GF's book. It made me want to weep watching her get more and more down. She ended up with PND, I'm sure the rule-seeking was a contributing factor - she just felt like she didn't measure up.

lol! No, there isn't anything nicer! lol

Must warn you that I am 38 +6 with twins and likely to blub on you if we have anymore niceness going on! lol

I find people object to the BLW label, so I just found it easier to say "DS doesn't have purees" if it was relevant. Talking about BLW seems to require an explanation rather than encoraging a discussion ('what does/did he eat then?')

I think some people are forgetting that, particularly for first time parents it can be very daunting to be doing something different to what everyone else around you does, particularly when you sometimes get accused of risking your baby by giving them nasty dangerous fingerfoods too early / depriving them of vital food groups. Having books and resources gives a bit of credibility as far as the 'crowd' is concerned.

Haven't read the whole thread but to respond to the OP: yep.

wow, this is quite an explosive thread here!!! by far the most violent arguement ive seen on here......

i, for one, think that everyones OPINION has been invaluable to me during my 1st 6 months as a mother, but I do realise that it just that...an opinion.

I agree with the op, that AK does make you feel inadequate, but then again so does GF and that baby whisperer woman (cant remember her name).

Having said that, reading baby whisper lady at 3 am with a 3 week old baby that had colic gave me some advice that worked, she felt better and so did I.....didnt read it again.

On the other hand, MN is quite a EBF site and the despair i felt when I couldnt made me feel inadequate too....

Ladies, we cant win, we will feel inadequate at points...but then again, we will feel like the tigress at some points and indominable (i think ive used it in context!!)

Everything in moderation in life, that includes MN, baby advice books, fatty food and coffee.....

(pootles of to make another brew!!)

I have to say the meal planners didn't make me feel inadequate. I did not follow them though and didn't even attempt to. What I am struggling to understand is why they would make you feel inadequate - surely they are only a suggestion - and you don't really imagine that anyone follows them do you?

My children never ate what AK considered a portion either but I always thought this was a good thing - more to freeze now = less cooking later.

kingbeat. this is nothing. quite civilised really. compared to some of the threads I've seen over the years.
Most of which get deleted

quite so oblomov!! !!

handbags at dawn then!!

am i about to be shot for making a joke here!!

{backs out the room to make, yet again, another cup of coffee to counter sleep depravation on account of weaning incorrectly, due to total misinformation, from everyone, including my own mother - heavan forbid!!!}

"nothing you can say will convince me that these parenting techniques don't need preaching or teaching..."

so you were just coming on for a sweary rant then, thesecondcoming, were you? noted.

next time i'll not waste my precious time trying to answer any of your questions. i'd suggest any of the women who explained patiently and politely why they felt they needed some written help with their parenting note your habit of posting questions to which you have no intention of listening to the answer. i only hope that they have been of some use to others.