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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To make my sister cry?

22 replies

mo3g · 22/10/2009 22:04

Well i will keep this short but would love some opinion's. When we had our 1st dd we got her christened and my sister was godmother we always said we would be each other's childrens godparents. My sister wanted her partner to be godfather as she said at the time it would be nice for her to have a couple myself and husband agreed even though my dh would have liked his best friend who had been there for us both and our little girl.

Anyway that was fine and then in 07 she had a dd and when it came to the christening she says one godparent has to be a practicing catholic neither dh or i are so said i would be godmother with her bil and my dh would be her next childs godfather along with her sil.

So today her dd is geting christed in November she says both godparents now need to be chrsistened and they have asked her dh best friend instead. We were both gutted my dh was really looking forward to it so i said we wouldnt go as dh would feel awkward as everyone knows he was to be godfather and will wonder why also to be honest i feel really let down and hurt by the whole thing am i being unreasonable?

OP posts:

Original poster

mo3g · 22/10/2009 22:07

Forgot to say i said all this to her on the phone and told her we wouldnt go. Maybe ott but she got really upset and cried should i just let her of the hook?

OP posts:

BrokkenHarted · 22/10/2009 22:09

I don't know if YABU or not because you wont go but i totally understand why you are upset.

Maybe you should go though for the girls sake?

RainBOOJelly · 22/10/2009 22:12

The godparents for our DC's HAD to be christened to be able to be godparents in the church we had them done. I suppose you could lie, but then you will be lying in front of God, if that's what you believe....

Vallhala · 22/10/2009 22:15

YABU. The ceremony is Catholic and it isn't unusual for the Church to require thhe Godparents to be baptised... the idea is to guide the child in the ways of the faith.

If your DH us troubled by people's reactions I'm sure that they will understand this - many will probably know it already,

It seems a shame to fall out with your sister and miss such a happy event because of this. Perhaps you were a bit hasty in saying that you wouldn't attend?

defineme · 22/10/2009 22:15

I would let her off the hook tbh.
She really sounds like she doesn't want your dh to do it as obviously her dh has a closer relationship with his best friend.

I'm a bit surprised your dh was looking forward to it it - I'm sorry to sound rude, but my dh wouldn't care less one way or the other!

In terms of everyone knowing he was going to be godfather-well who would that be-I'm also surprised that your extended family discuss this so much. If your dh would really feel upset by this he needs to pull himself together -are you sure it's not just you that's upset?

In short the grown up thing to do would be to get over it.

diddl · 22/10/2009 22:19

I think the problem is also that you let her partner be Godparent, so she had it her way with your daughter, and is now (obviously) having her way with her own child.

QuintessentialShadowsOfDoom · 22/10/2009 22:22

Our sons are baptized Catholic. Only ONE practicing Catholic god parent was required. We could have as many godparents as we wanted to. So, ds1 had my sister (catholic), my best friend (catholic) and my cousin (non catholic). Ds2 had my sister (catholic) my cousin (non catholic) and dhs cousin (neither present nor catholic) It was fine.

Maybe she just really does not want your dh as godparent? maybe she wants somebody else and dont realize she can have more than two?

I would let her off the hook. It is HER child, and her choice. This is not a "you are mine if I am yours" situation, to be honest.

MrsToffeeCrisp · 22/10/2009 22:30

Yanbu to be upset by this. It doesn't seem fair.

However, if you don't go to the Christening it will make it a much bigger issue and you can't go back in time if you later regret missing it.

Think you've been hasty saying you won't go. It will be easier to sort it out with her if you discuss it now rather than give each other time to get upset about lots of other unconnected things too! (That's what would happen in my family anyway!)

Original poster

mo3g · 22/10/2009 22:30

I would let her off the hook tbh.
She really sounds like she doesn't want your dh to do it as obviously her dh has a closer relationship with his best friend.

I'm a bit surprised your dh was looking forward to it it - I'm sorry to sound rude, but my dh wouldn't care less one way or the other!

In short the grown up thing to do would be to get over it.

defineme - 1st of all my sister dh has seen his so called bf twice in 7 months my sister did want my dh to be godfather but has just said unless my dh wants to be christened there isnt much that can be done.

Well we have a very close family my sister is my best friend we have allot of the same friends and it was only a year ago her 1st dd got christened so everyone knew dh would be godfather.

And lastly why would my dh not be looking forward to his neice's christening we are very close to the girls but yes fair enough he wont loose sleep over it like me but still he does care.

OP posts:

Original poster

mo3g · 22/10/2009 22:35

QuintessentialShadow - Well my dh not been christened at all the 2nd doesnt need to be catholic but does need to have been christened.

OP posts:

Doodleydoo · 22/10/2009 22:49

Are you not just more pissed off that you didn't get to have your dh best friend as a godparent?
I hate to be the face of doom and gloom but I don't think it is a great idea for couples to be godparents, probably because in experience couples don't always stay together.........
That being said it would have been nice symmetry (oops spelling crap - too much vino!) for your dh to be a godparent but ultimately it is their choice and you have the upper hand anyway as you are the dear aunt and dear uncle already....
Sorry YABU

hairyclaireyfairy · 22/10/2009 22:51

My two children are due to be baptised into the Catholic Church soon, all of the Godparents HAVE to be Catholics. It has made it difficult in some ways but thems the rules and if I want my children to be welcomed into the Church then I have to follow them.

Astrid28 · 22/10/2009 22:52

I had a similar saga when DD was christened.

My sister wanted to be godmother, as well as organise the baby shower, and be present at the birth, and for my child to call her mummy

I said enough was enough, she was Auntie, that was her special job, and my best friend was being godmother, end of story.

Sometimes we just have to be sisters and aunties, thats actually more special IMO.

So although I see where your coming from, I guess I think YABU. Just love your sis and love her baby as you would anyway.

porcamiseria · 22/10/2009 22:54

yanbu to be upset, however this will blow over eventually..so go, amd this will pass. life is too short to fall out with your sisteR

emsyj · 23/10/2009 17:07

Hmmm, I was asked to be my friend's little boy's godmother but I was not christened and the vicar said all godparents must be christened. The vicar (obv not Catholic, CofE) offered to do me at the same time as the baby - problem solved. Can't your DH just get christened and then problem solved? Many vicars are willing to welcome adults to get christened/baptized in this way.

rimmer08 · 23/10/2009 19:38

i personally dont know why you would ask someone to be a godparent if they werent practising catholic

slowreadingprogress · 23/10/2009 20:25

What difference has being a godmother made to your relationship with your neice? What special stuff do you do/talk about/take her to that you wouldn't anyway?

I'll bet there's no real difference

It's just about status and being 'special' in some way in front of the friends and relations IMVHO. It all sounds a bit school playground to me. Just let her choose who she wants.

After all, what's the alternative? That she is forced into choosing someone who is not her first choice?

QuintessentialShadowsOfDoom · 27/10/2009 09:08

By mo3g on Thu 22-Oct-09 22:35:27
QuintessentialShadow - Well my dh not been christened at all the 2nd doesnt need to be catholic but does need to have been christened.

If your sisters and her husband are catholic, and wishes to bring their children up in the faith, I cant see why at all you would expect that your dh should be godparent. YABU

LynetteScavo · 27/10/2009 09:20

YABU - especially to say you won't go to the Christening.

When my DC's were baptised, I ws told one atleast on God parent must be Catholic, and the others must be Christened Christians. It is usual for Catholics to only have one Gaodparent of each sex. I presume your sister is going on the advice of her priest, and you are placing her between a rock and a hard place.

If your DH is not Christened, why is he so bohtered about being a God parent. Is it just a status thing?

I think you should phone your sister up, explain that you were hurt, and apologise for making her cry.

LynetteScavo · 27/10/2009 09:20

YABU - especially to say you won't go to the Christening.

If your DH is not Christened, why is he so bohtered about being a God parent. Is it just a status thing?

I think you should phone your sister up, explain that you were hurt, and apologise for making her cry.

RainRainGoAway · 27/10/2009 09:24

YABU not to go.

This is not a popularity contest, it is about bring a child up in a faith. Godparents tend to have to be christened. This is why we couldn't have SILs DP as he is not a Christian.
But...he was able to be a 'sponser'. Could you suggest that?

Sassybeast · 27/10/2009 09:35

Why on earth would you want to be a Godparent if you are not a baptised, practising christian ? I suppose for the same reasons that you get your kids baptised even if you are not a practising Christian. It's the party innit ?

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