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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be naffed off with dp's drinking habits - how much/how often does your dp/dh drink?

34 replies

sandfairy · 22/10/2009 20:40

I'm sure i'm being unreasonable but I find myself becoming increasingly enraged by dp's drinking... I don't think he drinks excessively in the big scheme of things but oh how it annoys me!

He'll have 3 cans of Kronenburg about 4 nights a week. He snores SO much more after a few drinks, his breath smells like poo (ok, not literally), it costs a bit and I just wonder what the point is really. Possibly being pregnant doesn't help as i'm not drinking at all, but I rarely drink normally - just sometimes at the weekend or special occasions.

Just want to do a quick survey - How much and how often does your dp/dh drink?

OP posts:
costagirl · 22/10/2009 20:44

Am quite lucky in this respect as DH is so wrapped up in sport and his level of fitness that he doesn't drink during the week, and has a couple of glasses of wine at the weekend. He'll knock back the beers at his family get togethers, but not frequent. So there IS a good thing about having a sport obsessed DH - I've just realised! But it would piss me off if he drank much in the week - expensive and unhealthy.

bellavita · 22/10/2009 20:46

Maybe a couple of glasses of wine with his dinner on an evening or a couple of bottles of beer - depends on what we are eating. But that is it unless we have friends over on a Saturday night and he will have a beers beforehand then probably wine with the meal.

CheeeseOnToast · 22/10/2009 20:47

My DP:

Goes out on a Monday night - anywhere from 2-5 cans Red Stripe

Maybe 1 or two cans on a Thursday night, or about 2 pints if goes out.

We probably get through a bottle of red wine or two between us (just us two) on the weekend.

And that's it! If he goes out for a special event or something he might have three or four pints, but that only happens once a month or so.

We have no DCs yet, just to set the scene...

CheeeseOnToast · 22/10/2009 20:48

oh and he snores after drinking too. But nothing that a sharp dig in the ribs doesn't sort

Original poster
sandfairy · 22/10/2009 20:49

I think I would love to have a fitness obsessed dp! That's something else that irritates me, he has a fairly active job but does no 'proper' exercise at all so the health thing does concern me.

OP posts:
OrmIrian · 22/10/2009 20:50

Probably only a bit more than me.

Yes YABU. It doesn't sound excessive. We all choose which way we like to relax/waste money. Perhaps he get pissed off with your abstemiousness and silent disaproval?

Original poster
sandfairy · 22/10/2009 20:51

I give up after a few rib digs and resort to the spare room where ds quite often finds me in the morning and asks what i'm doing in there.

OP posts:
Tortington · 22/10/2009 20:51

my opinion is that my dh has a problem with drink. he doesn't beleive so.

he fully believes he is entitled to drink once a week despite anything which has gone on that week. so nothing will stop him.

so dh drinks on a friday - once a week from 7pm until he falls asleep at around 11pm.

but its obviously not as much as some are stating. we all have what we consider to be our acceptability levels.

i just don't get why someone has to drink every single week.

sometimes i do - sometimes i don't but i dont consider it a right - like bloody voting!

Original poster
sandfairy · 22/10/2009 20:53

I know he does OrmIrian ! I try not to let it piss me off but the irritation just bubbles up!

OP posts:
OrmIrian · 22/10/2009 20:53

But why isn't he 'entitled' to drink? I don't understand that at all.

OrmIrian · 22/10/2009 20:54

Twas to custy btw.

diddl · 22/10/2009 20:54

Christmas/New Year/Birthdays.

Original poster
sandfairy · 22/10/2009 20:55

With you HellMouth. Bet Fridays are a barrel of laughs for you!

OP posts:
Tortington · 22/10/2009 20:55

weeeell i guess what i am saying is - it is to the exclusion of my feelings or the kids feelings - or perhaps if we want to do something - we won't do it fri night becuase dh gets wankered and passes out. its to the exclusion rather than inclusion of anyone.

he will get pissed on friday. every friday.

Tortington · 22/10/2009 20:58

he quit his job. one would be contrite and tighten purse strings? to dh its only a tenner - that he can say he saved somewhere else - or he can validate against a pair of tights i bought becuase my (only) other pair were laddered... that kind of thing

fernie3 · 22/10/2009 20:58

My husband drinks maybe once a week - they tend to go to the pub for lunch of friday and he has one or two pints. He cant have much more than that because he has to go back to work in the afternoons.

I wouldnt mind if he drank a little more than that but he never wants to. Neither of us ever buy any drink for the house. Oh and he snores anyway!

I dont think you are being unreasonable to be upset if it is taking money from things you need and also if it is affecting your relationship.

OrmIrian · 22/10/2009 20:58

Oh I see. That would piss me off too. I rarely object to DH having a drink because I like one too. But if it got in the way of doing things with the children then I would be cross.

Original poster
sandfairy · 22/10/2009 20:58

Does he regret it on Saturday and is he any use?!

OP posts:
Original poster
sandfairy · 22/10/2009 21:07

Sorry, my last question was for HellmouthCusty

OP posts:
Tortington · 22/10/2009 21:07

he doesn't get hangovers sandfairy, but he is a short tempered nasty bastard.

i wont sleep with him on a friday - if he passes out on the bed i sleep on the setee - i know when hes nearly had enough and i nab the quilt

sometimes he will come downstairs and i will go up - not often though.

so he gets pissed and i end up on the settee.

i manage dh - somepeople will get what i mean.

yeah this is a whinge but i love him and he is generally great

bellavita · 22/10/2009 21:11

I am agree with Orm, it would piss me off too.

And I too like a drink (had a G&T before DH came home tonight) but I did not have anything else. He had two bottles of beer with his chilli and rice. But in all the years we have been together, I have never known him drink a lot. Have seen him ill just a few times because of over indulgence - but that is it just a few.

Original poster
sandfairy · 22/10/2009 21:14

The issues come when it affects your relationship - even a few drinks makes dp much more tetchy and always on the defensive - and he says it relaxes him. I don't get it. I wouldn't mind so much if it obviously improved his mood and made him a laugh to be around.

OP posts:
Seededbiatch · 22/10/2009 21:27

My DP drinks everyday. He has 4 cans of weak lager during the week, like fosters, and at the weekend he has more. I drink occasionally too.

I don't mind him drinking this much because he can still function perfectly well, he feels fine the next day, gets up and goes to work without fail everyday, he does a stressful job and a few cans of lager in the evening are his way of unwinding before bed.

I have lived with serious alcoholics, my dad was one and died from it, my daughter's dad was and it contributed to his death so DP's drinking is like light relief to me.

OP, IMO your DP doesn't drink much at all but if it bothers you then I think YANBU for making a point of letting him know it bothers you but what is it that is really bothering you about it because you've given quite flimsy reasons other than the snoring, I suppose, if it's keeping you from sleeping?

Seededbiatch · 22/10/2009 21:30

You answered my question as I was typing it sandfairy-it makes him bad tempered? Thats a really common effect with alcohol, it can bring out the aggression in people.

Seededbiatch · 22/10/2009 21:32

Have you told him that you think it makes him bad tempered and that you rather he didn't?

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