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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that if your toddler repeatedly kicks another child and is asked to please stop that you shouldnt get cross at other mum?

72 replies

littleducks · 22/10/2009 15:36

DS (18 mo) was at library singing thing and was playing in a sit on train that attaches top bookcase. There was another child thee, of similar age prob slightly older (about 2).

He kicked ds twice hard in a row and as i said to him "Please don't kick" he did it again harder so I finished "it isnt friendly" (in a cherry voice not cross or very loud) as i tried to extract ds from seat, ds was at this point crying and he is a child who takes a few knocks no fuss as he has an older sister and plays at todddlers etc.

I did then manage to pick ds out of train, other mother who had her back turned picking books through this came over said something that i couldnt catch over ds crying then turned baxck to books, then turned back and said to me "Don't say that to him" complete with withering look.

I was she didnt say anything to her boy at all. I think that he must do it often as otherwise why would she immediately assume i was talking to him and not my ds? her child wasnt upset by what i said at all (he kept on trying to kick).

I didnt say anything but was bit pissed off tbh, surely if she doesnt want anyone to ever reproach her child she should be standing there watching him?

OP posts:
DorotheaPlentighoul · 22/10/2009 15:39

YANBU. What were you supposed to do? Let him kick your child? Shout "Hey lady, come here and tell your kid not to kick my kid?"

MissWooWoo · 22/10/2009 15:40

YANBU. You were being a responsbile adult. Quite right too.

shockers · 22/10/2009 15:41

That'll be why he kicks... she's just let him know that it's ok by her and she'll tell anyone off who thinks otherwise

TeamEdward · 22/10/2009 15:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

prettyfly1 · 22/10/2009 15:42

YANBU. Next time give her a kick on your way past.

BalloonSlayer · 22/10/2009 15:46

Silly beeeech (her)

What do you wish you had said, littleducks?

Stigaloid · 22/10/2009 15:55

YANBU and were extremely kind. If someone hits my DS i say loudly and clearly with as much authority as i can muster, 'No. Hitting isn't nice. Don't hit DS'. I'd expect any other mother to say the same to my DS if he hit another child.

CheerfulYank · 22/10/2009 15:55

How frustrating! Of course you are not BU. What an obnoxious cow! (The other mom of course, not you )

CheerfulYank · 22/10/2009 15:57

Right, Stig. I would certainly hope that if my little wrecking ball of a DS were kicking (and it's not like that would be shocking), the other mother would ask him firmly to stop.

She should have apologized and also told her DS not to kick.

Original poster
littleducks · 22/10/2009 15:57

I wish i'd said alot of things but that would be setting a bad example wouldnt it?

I did wonder how she would have felt if my 3yr old dd had been there (she was at pre school) as dd will always step in and say "Stop hurting my baby brother" if a another child keeps hitting ds

I just couldnt understand it tbh, i didnt use the 'naughty' word or sound cross at all

OP posts:
Original poster
littleducks · 22/10/2009 16:02

It was her reaction that made me far crosser than the kicking which i do realise that small kids do it occassionally and i actually said please

I did wonder if she was planning on sending child to nursery or school ever

OP posts:
Stigaloid · 22/10/2009 16:04

Why didn't you use the word naughty? He was being naughty. You asked him to stop and he deliberately did it again. Why didn't you sound cross? I would have let him know straight away from the tone of my voice that what he was doing was unacceptable. Children of 2 need to learn. It is our responsibility to help raise them to be respectful members of society and that means letting them know when something is and isn't acceptable. The other mother should have apologised to you and your DS but you are within your rights as a memeber of society and as a mother of one being kicked to let it be known that you won't accept it.

hanaboo · 22/10/2009 16:13

honestly (and i have a bit of a temper if my dd's getting hurt) i would have threatened to kick her, bitch, how'd u like that! (all said to her ) maybe not a good example but i just hate it when parents don't discipline their kids because my dd wouldn't of done anything in this situation except maybe cried, due to the fact that i teach her its not ok to hit/kick anyone, sometimes when this sort of stuff happens i wish she would hit back

more · 22/10/2009 16:20

You are lucky that she didn't react in a worse manner.
I came home one day from work to find my two being locked out by all the other kids in the street, shouted at them all to GET OUT, GET OUT, one wee boy started to say something and I said DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT, GET OUT, whilst I was trying to get the door open for my children. I paid very little attention to the kids who were effectively bullying my kids. I finally got through to them, my daugther was in tears and my son was trying to find an alternative way out (of back garden). I eventually got them calmed down, sent them up to father (who had heard nothing. Dealt with him later), put bike away and started making my way up, to catch my breath and discuss with husband.
I got met in hallway by one of the wee bullie's mother asking if I had told her boy off. I did not say yes, and I did not say no I explained to her what I had come home to, and she started giving me the biggest bollocking about if I ever had a problem with her son I come speak to HER not her son. I am never to upset him like that again, bla, bla, bla.
I have now banned my children from ever going across the road to play with her children again. I can't trust her. Bottom line to me is that she allows her children to bully mine.
That was my awakening moment to the mothers who will do anything for their children, let them treat other people like dirt, yet if someone says boo to them, you should be afraid, very afraid of going out after dark!!!

roneef · 22/10/2009 16:24

hanaboo - You sound mighty arrogant about your dd. I'm sure the toddlers who do kick/hit aren't taught it's ok by their parents .

OP yanbu. Some toddlers don't have much understanding and the mother should have removed him without having a go at you. Especially as you weren't being nasty.

All mine went through a phase of hitting/snatching. I wouldn't appreciate an adult being aggressive with my child. I was capable of dealing with it.

hanaboo · 22/10/2009 16:32

roneef - obviously in this case the mother wasn't teaching her son not to kick.
i was in fact talking about this specific situation, not every other child who kicks!
though this does seem to happen a lot in the park or such places where a parent will either ignore totally or say 'don't do that' so halfheartedly that i'm not surprised their kids aren't listening
so no, i'm not being arrogant

Winibaghoul · 22/10/2009 16:35

OP YANBU. dp's young cousin is a real little bully, he even pinches and hits babies. A friend of the family has taught her daughter to hit back. So dp's cousin hit her, she slapped him back and then dp's aunt gave the girl's mum the most filthy look. Her only response when people complain about his behaviour? 'it's what 5 yr old boys do'. Yeah and parents are supposed to teach them that it's not nice.

roneef · 22/10/2009 16:38

Aggressive would be more apt. You said you would like to kick her. You have a temper when your dds getting hurt. That's an understandable emotion but bear in mind it's a 2 year old, ffs.

Be a little compassionate. Your precious dd is lucky she has you as backup

roneef · 22/10/2009 16:41

OP i agree with you in this situation. Some posters are waay ott though imo.

I would ALWAYS stop my kids from hitting but still got my share of aggressive looks.

hanaboo · 22/10/2009 16:46

my dd's not precious nor do i treat her that way, she's just a passive child, there are some of those around u know....
i think u are making some assumptions about me and my dd, do your kids not have u as backup?

i realise aggressive is probably correct, but directed toward the useless mother not the 2yr old, i understand that 2yr olds kick/hit sometimes but the mother did nothing to stop him, actually told op off for pulling him up on it... reinforcing the thought in this little boys head that what he did is ok

hanaboo · 22/10/2009 16:48

and who should i be compassionate towards? the useless mother who's allowing her child to hurt another?

Hando · 22/10/2009 16:53

I read it as Hannaboo has taught her dd not to kick back if a child kicks her. She said her dd wouldnt have done anything in this situatione xcept cried.

How was that arrogant Roneef? I think you misread the post.

caramelwaffle · 22/10/2009 17:04

littleducks - YANBU

nappyaddict · 22/10/2009 18:06

You said she came over and said something you couldn't hear so how do you know she didn't say anything to her child?

nappyaddict · 22/10/2009 18:18

Also he may have looked slightly older but been younger. My friend's DS looks older than my DS but he is actually 12 months younger.

Stig 18 month old babies aren't naughty they are just being 18 month old babies. They aren't old enough to be naughty.

Also I hate to see children condemned as naughty when more often than not it's the crap food they are given to eat and it's actually a reaction to the chemicals in their food. Similarly autistic children's behaviour can improve if gluten, casein and soy are removed from their diet.