to be a bit disconcerted when a MW gets all misty-eyed at a baby?

[LissyGlitter]

I know they must like babies to be in the job, but with both my pregnancies, the midwives have got all giggly and excited at the mention of the actual baby...It is kind of lovely that they still get excited, but it is a bit odd when they do things like tell you how the baby is lying and get all "coochy coo" about it.

My first midwife (when I had dd1) was on annual leave when I actually gave birth. She met dd1 3.5 years later when I was pregnant with dd2 and she was covering the antenatal clinic at the surgery. She was overjoyed to see dd1, have a chat with her and tell her all about when she was in "mummy's tummy"

I'm not a mw but I am a nurse and I also occasionally shed a tear with a patient when circumstances are particularly traumatic/awful. Nice to show a human side.

What about when it gets in the way of doing a professional job though? The two midwives I was talking about were giggling amongst themselves that they could feel "a little tiny baby head" and it looked like the baby was being "naughty" and was breech, but we will definitely meet her soon, oh how exciting!

I'm only 34 weeks, and suffered terrible problems due to the premature birth of my DD who was also breech. Yes, I am glad that I could meet my baby soon, but they could have given me that news in a bit of a more serious manner. It made me feel completely heartless that I was worried about the ramifications when they were making it clear that I should have been giggling along with them at the thought of a baby being in my belly.

I have to have a c-section anyway, but am terrified of something going wrong and the labour progressing too quickly as I have been told that DD probably would have died if born vaginally, and suffered postnatal psychosis partially because of the traumatic birth. They know this.

With DD, at another late pregnancy examination, a student noticed she was breech and in a particularly awkward position, but the midwife was too busy cooing over getting a couple of kicks to actually do anything about this, and so the first time anyone noted her being breech I was 10cm and her head was in such an awkward position they struggled to get her out even with a section.

Yeah, it is lovely when they have a little smile and giggle with you once the worrying bits are over, but I would rather be examined by someone who is acting like a friendly professional. I am petrified of things going wrong, and when someone responds to my worries by cooing and giggling over my belly it doesn't fill me with confidence. I know I have a baby in there, and I know she will be cute and lovely, but at the rare (it has been about monthly this time, for about ten minutes) appointments, I have loads of questions and concerns, and it gets a bit irritating when that time is taken up by someone who sees pregnant women all day every day making the same comments that strangers in the street do!

scary its bloody packed up along with my Q,Z and shift key! I am using OH's lappy now. Sent mine to have the charger hole thing to be repaired and it came back with a knackered keyboard. V.unhappy!!!

Makes me look like I am typing in txt spk innit

Oh. I see. An AIBU by stealth. So actually your issue is nothing to do with the MW being excited about babies, and more to do with the fact that you think you are receiving sub-standard maternity care and are concerned about your safety and that of your unborn child?

Why not put that in the OP?

lissy you have been through a lot.that obviously impacts.see you are cutrrently pg are you ok?

as you say you have ongoing anxiety and want to be treated in a manner you feel reflects your concerns. i suggest tell mw your prefences

you perhaps need to explicitly make it clear that you have concerns and prefer perhaps to have concerns addressed first.then a bit chit chat

often that apparently inane chit chat is used to disarm and put at ease, to encourage disclosure.many find emphasis solely upon observations and pg a bitty cold and distant

good luck with your pg

yes, lissy, you didn't make your concerns clear in your Op

so sorry you are feeling so scared and unsupported, but I feel a generalized moan like your OP was only going to attract dissent

all the best with your pg x

Lissie, obviously that changes things, so we'll just forget about the original OP and our responses to that and concentrate on the real issues.

Yes, its rubbish when they behave like that, and don't listen, and your are just a piece of furniture at the little party that is supposed to be their job...

But remember you have done this before, you know how this works. You need to be assertive and confident about your needs, and maybe then they will give you more info? If not, then go straight to the head of midwifery at your hospital and detail you concerns... it might help allay your fears for the rest of this pregnancy.

best of luck, and let us know when your csection is planned

thread progressed,but answers to OP legitimate as they were based upon what was revealed at the time

i hope your pg ok, and that you feel listened too

Lissy - maybe you should tell your midwife you'd like a serious chat about some of the things that worry you.

Maybe she has no idea you feel like this, or senses you are anxious and stressed and is hoping to break the ice and find some common ground to move forward on. If she is aware of your history she will imagine how you are feeling and may be trying to connect with you. The fact it doesn't work for you is a shame, so I'm sure she can adapt to your needs. She might need help and pointers finding out how best to deliver your care. Everyone is very diffrent, so it can be hard to 'pitch' perfectly first or indeed any time

It's like any relationship, no one can mind read afterall.

SHe may be a very bubbly giddy sort [is it me? ] and so may find a full reverse into professional poise a real challenge.

You may have done this already but as I don't know it's all I can suggest.

I hope your pregnancy goes well, and you have a smooth rife. Good luck.

RIFE? Ride!!!!!

I love it when I watch babies come into the world and hope I always stay excited and misty-eyed.

lissy, you need to have a serious chat with your MW then,she might be thinking that being light hearted is a better approach so as not to concern you , but in fact it is leaving you feeling scared and unsure

if you feel that you don't want her looking after you, you should speak to the supervisor of midwives, but your OP did not tell us allthese serious issues,which put a whole differnt slant on things and would have changed a lot of the advice you were given

Ah, it's ok, she reckons she won't see me again before the baby is born anyway. She won't be at the birth so it is just the luck of the draw who I get at the hospital. She is a lovely woman, who will probably be great postnatally, it's just while I can't see how the baby is, the person who can tell me has a lot of power.

I dunno, I just think that, even with straightforward pregnancies, they should do the serious stuff first as I bet a load of women are scared. But then I suppose most people are healthy and have a completely planned baby so they have less worries.

My midwife told me she loved newborns up to four weeks but "after that she found them really boring"!