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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be a bit disconcerted when a MW gets all misty-eyed at a baby?

89 replies

LissyGlitter · 16/10/2009 23:12

I know they must like babies to be in the job, but with both my pregnancies, the midwives have got all giggly and excited at the mention of the actual baby...It is kind of lovely that they still get excited, but it is a bit odd when they do things like tell you how the baby is lying and get all "coochy coo" about it.

OP posts:
Cadelaide · 16/10/2009 23:44

Oh, YABU, btw.

Plonker · 16/10/2009 23:54

YAB very U

A baby being born is a magical time. It must be wonderful to be involved in this.

I really think that the day they stop being excited at the birth of a baby is the day they should find another job.

bigbluewhale · 17/10/2009 00:11

I used to be a midwife ( is it safe to admit that on MN?!?). When you have cared for a woman throughout her pregnancy, and/or throughout what can often be a long hard labour, as you know ladies, it is the ultimate reward of the job to finally meet the very reason you are there in the first place. I didn't get particularly gooey over the babies but I did enjoy sharing tha parents' relief and joy at the arrival of their precious child. And as some have commented before, I have seen my fair share of unhappy outcomes, so a healthy outcome for mum and baby is a huge relief after the stress of the labour and delivery.
The really special ones are when the parents have had problems before like a previous stillbirth, or IVF. I have been known to get very misty eyed on those occasions!
Sorry, but I think YABU. It's a very stressful, responsible, demanding job - let us enjoy the only perk we get!

beaniesinthebucketagain · 17/10/2009 00:16

YABU

I was unfortunate to only meet 2 midwifes like this and they made my day! It was especially lovely when i bumped into the one who did my postnatal visits with my sick prem baby two years ago and she saw the tall handsome healthy toddler he is!

clemette · 17/10/2009 00:16

What an odd thing to be disconcerted by...

jasper · 17/10/2009 00:48

I think it is lovely

treedelivery · 17/10/2009 00:53

YABU

Maybe she just left a room where there had been terrible news.

I never assume I will hear anything when listening to a fetal heart, everytime I do I get a 'whoooosh' of relief on your behalf.

The day I have to resist it and pretend it's no biggie is the day I leave.

treedelivery · 17/10/2009 00:54

YOur behalf being however I am examining, not you in particular OP. Must write clearer posts.

morleylass · 17/10/2009 07:36

I think it's great, at DDs birth there was a new trainee and she actually cried, now I'm sure in time she would not feel quite as emotional but it shows that they actually care about what is happening to you and they aren't just 'doing their job'.
MLx

gingernutlover · 17/10/2009 07:45

when i had dd the midwives were the total opposite of those described in the OP, I know what I would prefer.

Some people love babies, I know I do, and I do get excited about seeing them. It shows they absolutely adore their job, why is that a bad thing?

MadameDefarge · 17/10/2009 08:20

YABU and unbelievably spoilt.

I had my ds in hideous inner city hospital - during the pregnancy there was no continuity of care, so it was any old midwife from week to week, none of whom had read my notes, then giving birth was like giving birth in a prison no one asking your name, no onere giving a toss about your baby...at least I had my exp with me, many of the other women giving birth were alone, somespoke little English, some were very young and all of us were being shouted at by midwives who clearly should not have been doing the job...

You on the other hand, have been lucky and priviliged to have been cared for by professionals who still give a damn and are excited by their job, despite the awful pay and conditions...and yet you are disconcerted?

I am a bit speechless.

Lulumama · 17/10/2009 08:30

i think being a MW is more than a job, it's a vocation, and i think when you stop caring and understanding the miracle that is happening, and appreciating how amazing it is for the parents, then you need to start rethinking things

sometimes it seems on MN midwives can't ever get it right

if they are cold and detached, it's wrong, if they are warm and involved it;s wrong

as a doula, i know personally, the day i stop being misty eyed, excited and overjoyed at the safe arrival of a healthy baby or the day i can't weep with a client whose baby is poorly, that is the day i will need to rethink my choice of role.

girlsyearapart · 17/10/2009 08:31

YABU.

Midwifwe at GPs surgery was rubbish. Only emotion she showed was when she was miffed that I didn't cry/scream/faint when having anti D injection.

Thank goodness the hospital ones were nicer and more 'giddy'.

bubblagirl · 17/10/2009 08:37

i would rather someone genuinely like there job than the horrible midwife i got to start with all rough and uncaring

i like the fact they care that means you are in the best hands as its not just a job to them

DougalDoneGood · 17/10/2009 08:40

YABU
I'd hate to have an robo-midwife caring for me and my baby. I have built up great relationships with my midwives and they do become a sort of friend by the time you give birth. I'd find it very strange if they were devoid of emotion and feeling at such a special event.

Hooray for good midwives who enjoy their job!

curlyredhead · 17/10/2009 08:40

YABU

I saw hundreds (well not quite, but felt like it) of health professionals during my pg with twins and a good number of them seemed disconnected, angry or downright bored. I would have taken a bit of over-excitedness any day. And I know too well how precarious it all is and how much of a miracle each healthy baby is, I know too many people who have lost babies (including me) to take any of it for granted any more. I can well imagine the whoosh of relief treedelivery describes hearing a healthy baby heartbeat.

BubbaAndBump · 17/10/2009 09:03

My DD2 was very, very large at birth and loads of the MWs on duty at the time came in to see this large, beautiful, bouncing baby and were all thrilled. It made the end of a worrying c-section labour that little bit more special.

Firawla · 17/10/2009 09:24

yabu its so nice if they are like that

lockets · 17/10/2009 09:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

VeronicaMars · 17/10/2009 09:46

Yes yabu. I have a friend who is a mw and she sees alot of complications during pregnancies and labours and gets very upset. When things go smooth start to finish she is ecstatic and to listen to her sometimes it's like she has given birth herself.
She always says she is very lucky to be involved in such an emotional time for people that tears at the end are very normal. She loves her job, I would love her job!

ineedalifelaundry · 17/10/2009 09:58

YA definitely BU and my jaw dropped when I saw this thread.

I saw both kinds of MW during my pregnancy, labour and aftercare and I know for sure which type I prefer. The cold hearted, jaded MW who 'looked after' me on the postnatal ward on dd's first night almost destroyed my confidence in breastfeeding, and refused to touch my dd until she'd been bathed.

Some people seem to feel the need to complain about everything.

largeginandtonic · 17/10/2009 10:03

YABVU

and a little odd...

In my early days training, when i was only allowed to watch, i would be blubbing in the corner and thinking how the hell am i going to actually deliever a baby while crying!

Sometimes i managed it, sometimes not

I miss it >

SpudtheScarecrow · 17/10/2009 10:10

I had a really long labour at home with two lovely midwives, eventually transfering to hospital for an EMCS. One of them came to visit me the next day - she was just popping into hospital to drop something off and came to see me and meet DS1 even though it was her day off. I was so touched by this. If you're lucky and everything goes well having a baby is such a joyous time that why wouldn't most people want to share that. I think it's lovely that there are midwives that are not just 'used to' and are happy for you.

SpoiltKid · 17/10/2009 10:11

What a weird topic to start. I'd have loved more midwives (I never saw the same one twice with my first pregnancy) that injected some enthusiasm and warmth into the proceedings.

ScaryFucker · 17/10/2009 11:26

oh give over, woman

YABVU

Midwifery is a vocation to many, not just a job

I work with children and have for many, many years. Am I supposed to not express my continued pleasure at interacting and helping them ?

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