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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to report my in-laws to the DVLA

55 replies

shoppingmad · 16/10/2009 20:37

My in-laws are generally quite difficult people who consider themselves to be right all of the time. They have both had serious illnesses in the last year which they are slowly recovering from but they have been left with some physical and neurlogical problems which will affect their driving ability.
Although I understand how difficult it is to adapt I can't seem to get across to them that they will end up either killing themselves or another person if they continue to drive (and yes they are dangerous on the road).
Am I being unreasonable to call the DVLA and report them? they can then do an official test and prove their driving ability.
I realise I am at risk of alienating them even further by doing this, but my DH refuses to do it.

OP posts:

sylar · 16/10/2009 20:40

Blimey - tricky. Personally I think no YANBU if you think they are dangerous but I'm sure many others would disagree.

bethylou · 16/10/2009 20:40

YANBU. We did it when my 89 year old garnadfather was driving through red lights regularly and telling us that, "If you stop at roundabouts you never get anywhere!" I always worried that the consequences of not doing it would be worse than doing it.

chachachachacha · 16/10/2009 20:40

Difficult one - how would your relationship be with your dh if you contacted DVLA?

Have they had medicals to say they are safe to drive?

Rosebud05 · 16/10/2009 20:42

I don't know about doing it behind their back (that's your call), but there are certain conditions eg dementia that people are required by law to inform the DVLA of if have. You could advise them of this if their conditions fall into this category,

Northernlurker · 16/10/2009 20:43

Well would you be happy about your children crossing the road ahead of them or cycling past them? If not then phone the DVLA. Your dh isn't helping anybodyby refusing to see this - if they hurt anybody it will wreck their lives as well as that of their victim. Stopping driving may cause some difficulties but it does NOT wreck a life in the way an unfit driver can.

GeekIsGhoul · 16/10/2009 20:43

YANBU but would try to get your DH round before you do it as he will suspect you if they are investigated... and then you will have trouble!

I speak as someone who persuaded her DH to report his stepdad for repeated drunk driving. I would have found it very difficult to report him without my DH's agreement. Tough one though if he doesn't agree with you.

If you report them, there is no way they can know for sure you did unless you tell them. My PILs have no idea that we did and never will - and he got stopped by the police and caught.

Original poster

shoppingmad · 16/10/2009 20:43

They are very smug about the fact that they haven't told the DVLA and will just continue driving. My DH will hit the roof if I do it but I worry every day.
They need letters from Dr's to say they can drive officially but they are not fit to drive.

OP posts:

GeekIsGhoul · 16/10/2009 20:45

Is your DH really happy with them keeping driving? Does he not agree that they are endangering themselves and everyone else?

Or does he agree they're dangerous but not want to report them?

lottiebunny · 16/10/2009 20:46

YANBU if they really are being dangerous on the road. What if they were to run over somebodies child?

Original poster

shoppingmad · 16/10/2009 20:47

Am going to speak to my DH again tomorrow you are right that I need to get him on my side before I do anything. They are both unfit drivers. I do smile about the fact that if they can't drive we won't have to see them at Christmas !!! Hurray!!!

OP posts:

diddl · 16/10/2009 21:08

If they have a condition that they should have reported, then I think you should get your husband onside & speak to someone.

Sorry, but it p!sses me off.

My Dad had to notify DVLC about a health matter, and did.

Only to be nearly hit by some fücker who should have -and hadn´t !

beaniesinthebucketagain · 16/10/2009 21:19

YANBU!!!

get dh on side first though for your sake!

oooh halloween smilie

Original poster

shoppingmad · 16/10/2009 21:20

All very good points. My DH agrees that they probably shouldn't drive but would never confront them as they would be so upset with him so he just buries his head in the sand. I will speak to the DVLA this week I could never live with myself if something happened and I had done nothing.

OP posts:

Original poster

shoppingmad · 16/10/2009 21:25

My mother in law just phoned and i couldn't help myself but ask her about whether she had let the DVLA know about her health changes.
She said that as time has gone past she doesn't feel the need to do it and has just bought a new car!!!???

I said that my DH and I are very concerned about them driving and she just laughed!!

I am going to phone the DVLA this week!!!!

OP posts:

cancantcan · 16/10/2009 21:29

Just ask your DH how he would feel if a loved one was killed or injured by a stranger who was driving and wasnt fit.
Its all very well not wanting to hurt peoples feelings, but not when other peoples lives are at risk.

deste · 16/10/2009 21:32

If you have a brain injury, ie car accident or stroke your licence is automatically taken from you. (Not literally) but sometimes doctors or surgeons forget to mention it to them and they just dont know. Could this be the case with them.

Original poster

shoppingmad · 16/10/2009 21:36

Yes I think that the Dr's haven't informed the DVLA because they would never be allowed to drive in their current condition.
I feel for them but they are such difficult people anyway without all the medical problems they now have.

OP posts:

funwithfondue · 16/10/2009 21:45

My parents both had serious brain injuries in their forties and fifties, which resulted in their driving licences automatically being revoked for 1 year.

Fortunately, they both made full recoveries . They then had to get medical clearance from their medical consultants to get their driving license back. (No practical test though). At the start of that year-long-ban, they had to send their driving license back to the DVLA. A new one was issued a year later.

Another point is that once they'd had their illnesses, they weren't insured anyway. There is a good chance your in-laws aren't covered by their driving insurance. Are they aware of that?

I also agree that they are being incredibly selfish and reckless, and could cause a tragedy. They have a responsibility to themselves and everyone else to abstain from driving until a doctor signs them fit to drive.

YANBU, you are doing the right thing. It would be better for your relationship if your DH made the call though.

ABetaDad · 16/10/2009 22:00

This is going to become an increasing problem in future years as old people continue driving - when they are unable.

My PIL is in the position of being OK to drive in is local area but not on fast motorways fr long distances. We have been on at him for several years and he finally relented and came to visit us on the train. We thought we had made a break through but he then announced at the end of the visit he was coming in the car next time.

If I genuinley thought he was a danger I would report him to DVLA. Not sure what DVLA would do though? They surely cannot just take someone's licence on the say so of a mystery phone caller?

lottiebunny · 16/10/2009 22:46

I really think that in order to renew their licences old people should have to get their GP to sign to say that they are well enough. It won't stop all the unfit drivers but will catch some of them.

edam · 16/10/2009 22:51

deste - when I had a number of seizures, the consultant merely asked whether I had a driving licence. I could easily have lied. So the system is not infallible.

shopping, glad you have decided to contact the DVLA - do it as soon as possible. Would be awful if you got the news something had gone badly wrong while you were hesitating.

Rebeccadiamond · 16/10/2009 22:52

ABetaDad, in Australia they have a system where you have your general license taken away, but you are still allowed to drive within a certain distance of your home. So no bombing down the motorway for hours, but you can still nip to the supermarket and not have to take the bags on public transport.

LissyGlitter · 16/10/2009 23:06

I was taking lessons when my doctor started me on a new drug, and it was only through me mentioning I needed a later appointment because of a driving lesson that he remembered to tell me I wasn't allowed to drive!

BooingTheBestICan · 17/10/2009 08:02

Our elderly neighhbour when he had a stroke continued to drive & he was very scary!

To reverse,becasue he couldnt turn his neck,he would just reverse till he hit something,then drive forward.Hit my dh's car once & caused a lot of damage to it.

He wouldnt stop at junctions & would drive very fast

I rung the DVLA & the police about him & you know what happened - nothing!!

They let him drive & in the end his health deteriorated that much he was hospitalised & that stopped him.

He has passed away now but dear me he was a scary driver.

PuppyMonkey · 17/10/2009 08:08

If you point out that their insurance is invalid, that might scare them a bit? Can't you report them annonymously... if they are as dangerous as you say, it could be a neighbour or anyone who rang up concerned.

Rebecca, that Australian system sounds insane. So they would be allowed to drive close to home - and possibly kill someone close to their home?

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