to report my in-laws to the DVLA

[shoppingmad]

My in-laws are generally quite difficult people who consider themselves to be right all of the time. They have both had serious illnesses in the last year which they are slowly recovering from but they have been left with some physical and neurlogical problems which will affect their driving ability.
Although I understand how difficult it is to adapt I can't seem to get across to them that they will end up either killing themselves or another person if they continue to drive (and yes they are dangerous on the road).
Am I being unreasonable to call the DVLA and report them? they can then do an official test and prove their driving ability.
I realise I am at risk of alienating them even further by doing this, but my DH refuses to do it.

Does your DH let them drive with your DC in the car?

If not, he is being a fucking hypocrite.

You have a moral and social duty to grass your in-laws.

Some old people are so stubborn. My DH's grandad had HIV, Parkinsons and alzheimers for nearly 20 years and continued to drive. He would be driving up the wrong side of a dual carriage way with everyone in the car shouting and he would just tell us all to shut up so he could concentrate. Whenever my MiL would mention that he should probably not be driving anymore he would say that he was an excellent driver when we weren't there shouting and confusing him.

Really bizarrely, his wife is still pretty much fine (she's a lot younger than he was) but used to let him drive them everywhere as she didn't feel confident.

Very scary.

I did this to my Dad.

I rang the DVLA first and spoke to them. They were very nice and reassured me I was doing the right thing.

IIRC you have to write to them telling them of your concerns, and then the DVLA writes to them and/or to their Doctor about their fitness to drive. It's done pretty tactfully I think.

YANBU to take action if their driving is not safe but YABVVU to be happy that not driving will stop them visiting you at Christmas.

Well so no much the Christmas visit, but you should understand how much independence they will lose if both of them can not drive.

How will they get their shopping? How will they travel to visit their friends? How will they manage to get out and about? Are you and your dh planning to visit them more often so they can see their grandchildren.

My bil says that one of the hardest things he ever had to do was to take his Dad's car keys away from him because he was not safe to drive. His Dad cried because he could not travel to see his favourite football team play.

So yes, yes, yes - call the DVLA. But spare a thought for the impact on their lives and perhaps make some plans about how you can help your dh's parents to remain independent and happy in their old age.

It's a very diificult one

My Grandad is the same; doesn't even attempt to park, just uses the stop- and - exit - car method.

But if I report him Mum will be forced to spend a fortune in costs that she can't manage and put herself at risk (Grandad is very aggressive in his own home, whereas he keeps it to verbal in public) as he has nobody else and won't allow SSD in.

Mum doesn't drive and Grandad lices a good few miles away.

It's hard to know.

How weird.

Just been talking to my mum on the phone and her and her brother are going to see their dad (my grandad) today to tell him that he should no longer be driving - he's 89 and very shakey on his feet with bad arthritis. If he refused to listen, which he almost certainly will, they are going to ask the DVLA to intervene.

So, OP, no I don't think you are being unreasonable.

its not tricky at all - nothing tricky about this- get those dangerous incapable people off the road. if they kill my children whilst you knew of their incompetancy - you would be complicit in their deaths.

ring now

Custy is of course right

But if Mum guessed it was me that rang I owuld lose her and the entire family in one fell swoop

God I ewish I never opened this thread as I wouldn't have thought it over (Mum doesn't drive or know anythinga bout cars so it own't have occurred to her)

I think that once you hit a certain age (65?) you should have to resit your driving test annually to ensure that you're safe to drive.

Insurance premiums actually start to go up once you hit 60 because the insurance companies apply an age weighting to the policy. But sadly some old people think that the longer they drive, the safer they are.

I used to work for the AA, and I took a call from a man once who was 90 and who was complaining about his renewal premium. He wanted to know exactly how it was broken down so I had to tell him that part of the premium had been weighted because of his age (he also had six claims in the past year ), and his response was "I've been driving since I was 21! I know more about driving than they do!" I really wanted to say to him "But you took your test when you were 21, bet you haven't been tested again in the past 69 years, since motorways have become increasingly busier and traffic has increased..."

also, I would imagine that if one of them had a car accident and killed someone, there could possibly even be criminal charges if they knew they were unfit to drive and did so anyway.

I think it was in the US that a man was recently convicted of murder because he had epilepsy and had a seizure while driving a bin lorry and killed someone. Not sure if that would apply hhere but I would imagine that there would almost certainly be some kind of charges - death by dangerous driving or similar which can result in a prison sentence.

YANBU. Currently car-less because an elderly lady drove into the back of me (with two tiny DCs in the car who were hysterical because of the crash). She admitted that she hadnt been allowed to drive for a year because "she'd gone abit funny" but was "fine now". and double obviously not!

Just ask yourself how you would feel if you did nothing and one of them killed someone? Your DH needs to get his head out of the sand and deal with this.

Your DH is being very irresponsible if he doesn't think they should be taken off of the road as they are unsafe to drive. My sster has had a few blackouts in the past few and has been told no driving until they deem her safe again (no blackouts for a year straight/tests/etc). She's sucked it up and now walks to work because she knows that she'll feel like shit if she caused an accident and knows that it would be very irresponsible of her to get behind the wheel of a car. If your ILs don't see it like that then they definately need reporting IMO.

Can you report people you don't know very well? My nan has a friend who regularly drives across London and she has really bad cataracts which she refuses to get treated. I can't think that you should drive if you can't see properly but neither her (nor her family seemingly) seem to think there's anything wrong with it. I'd feel terrible if she had an accident and hurt someone.

SCARY I presume you can yes, and can't see how you could drive with severe catarcts- my eyesight is such that one mroe drop and I will lose my licence and I am no way as bad as if I had cataracts.

TBH I wish someone who vahuely knew would report Grandad, he's 90 this year, at least he should have a test

I would report someone who had cateracts.

Tbh I can see how it's hard to report a family member - however you must feel about it it really can't be easy to report a member of your own family.

For once, I actually think tht the Govt should interefere in peoples lives on this issue.

In many cases the old person has not planned their life and made sure they move close to public transport. Yes the loss of a car can have a big impact on peoples lives but they have to plan.

I admit I do not drive but I have also planned my life around not having a car. Old people have to do the same. Some do plan not to drive and they are resposible. Others are just bloody minded like my FIL.

If this were a thread about young or middle aged drivers drunk drivng we would be condemning them and Govt would be focussing on getting them detected and banned. Old peole are just as dangerous if they cannot see properly or have their full faculties.

Why not the same focus from Govt and police? Too many votes in it or are we all just too in love with our cars?

If you voice concerns to the DVLA they should write to the GP with a questionaire asking if they are fit to drive.

YANBU- you could save a life. Behind the wheel of a car is no place for arrogance or complacency. People seem to think they are safe drivers just because they've never had an accident (yet).

You could also tell them that failure to tell the DVLA of a medical condition or disability that may affect their driving is an offence and they could be fined £1,000!

I would have no worries about the fall out of reporting a friend, neighbour or family member who i genuinely thought was a danger on the roads.

because the consequences of NOT doing so might be fatal, and would wreck the drivers family's lives as well as the victims families lives.

I would not want it on my conscience that i could have prevented an accident by reporting a dodgy driver - more people should have the balls to do this IMO

My grandfather drove for years after he should have given up because his GP kept saying he was fine to drive "as a favour". He has cataracts and mobility problems, as well as increasing deafness & slowing reactions.

After an accident that should have written off his car the insurance assessor also gave him the address of a cheap garage so that he wouldn't have to write the car off "as a favour". It made me so angry that even though we were trying to do everything we could to convince him not to drive (he was definitely a danger to himself & others) people kept feeling sorry for him & wouldn't do the right thing. He lives about 10 metres away from a bus stop which has a service every 8 mintues and has a bus pass by the way.

Thankfully he finally gave up his car earlier this year at the age of 92.

YANBU to report them.

For everyone who needs to report someone to the DVLA - don't phone, use the website. The godawful phone menu will take you through 2 diff phone numbers before telling you that medical info for a third party can only be accepted in writing. There's an email address on the website if you look hard enough - afraid I can't find it atm, but hope this helps

my grans neighbour has a similar issue - her husband has sight problems and needs to give up the car - but wont!

luckily the doctor told him he wasnt covered on his insurance as it was somethign that needed to be reported to the dvla.

i know on their website they have a list of medical conditiond etc and how they effect your licence maybe worth having a look or mentionign the insurance thing to them

For anyone really worried about this, there is a page on the DVLA site where all the info is about health and fitness to drive.

Very detailed guidance is available to doctors via this 'At a Glance' page on a downloadable PDF document.

Apologies if already linked.