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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

in going away to visit friend this weekend when a french exchange student is arriving today?

28 replies

brimfull · 16/10/2009 11:17

she is staying a week

dh will be here

dd and her are 17yr old so will be essentially doing their own thing

I will be back sunday lunchtime

I feel guilty-should I?

OP posts:
PuppyMonkey · 16/10/2009 11:19

Oh if they're 17 they won't want you around.. chillax!

Original poster
brimfull · 16/10/2009 11:23

good thanks

OP posts:
mumblechum · 16/10/2009 11:26

No, you'd be cramping dd's style if you were around. Is your dh the type to do the mine host thing or will he hide in the garden shed like mine would?

PuppyMonkey · 16/10/2009 11:30

Mumble, my DP would hang around trying to be all cool and impressive, while dd would be cringing with embarrassment and want him to go away.

Original poster
brimfull · 16/10/2009 11:30

he will cook for them and chat in an attempt to be polite possibly in an awful fake french accent
so it's best I am not here really lol

OP posts:
Pheebe · 16/10/2009 11:49

I'm going to buck the trend and say you should be at home. At 17 she's still a child really and if my daughter was going to a foreign country to stay with a family I had never met I would want the mother to be there, sorry. Thinks its quite inappropriate for you to go away.

mumblechum · 16/10/2009 12:12

DS is going to Spain on an exchange and tbh I wouldn't be bothered if it was the mother there, the dad, both or some other trustworthy adult. DS & his mate would be going off and doing stuff by themselves, only really requiring feeding and poss. lifts.

Original poster
brimfull · 16/10/2009 12:19

but I will be back on sunday and she is staying ntil next friday-am also going to bring her home today -then bugger off

wouldn't bother me if her mum was away tbh

OP posts:
woahwoah · 16/10/2009 12:53

I think it's ok if you are not there. My dd17 went on an exchange last year, and in both homes (ours and theirs) all they really wanted was feeding, and lifts to school, activities etc. The schools kept them all very busy.
I'd be a bit concerned if you were away all week, but for the weekend, I think it's fine if your husband is around.

pruneplus2 · 16/10/2009 13:03

Why does a mother have to be present Pheebe?

Fat chance a single Dad has in having an exchange student come to stay with his daughter then with thoughts like that.

Have a great weekend away OP.

Original poster
brimfull · 16/10/2009 13:05

thanks guys
one against I can cope with that

OP posts:
TheDemonicButDandyLioness · 16/10/2009 13:19

Personallly, I think you should be there.

If you were 'advertised' as a family with both parents in the same house, then as a the parent of your exchange student, that's what I would be expecting. With a single dad, you know in advance that a woman won't be around. But if you're expecting a mother, then she should be there for the first night at least IMO. A seventeen year old girl might be shy around a strange man but find a mother present more comforting. So you pick your exchange family accordingly.

I also - sorry - think it's a bit rude. If you invite a guest into your home, you should be settled. So fine to bugger off after she's been there at least a day or two, but not straight away.

TheDemonicButDandyLioness · 16/10/2009 13:20

Sorry, that should be "you should be around to make sure they're settled in."

TheDemonicButDandyLioness · 16/10/2009 13:21

Sorry, that should be "you should be around to make sure they're settled in."

thesecondcoming · 16/10/2009 13:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
brimfull · 16/10/2009 13:27

It's done through the school ,not advertised and they matched up the kids by hobbies. I had no say who dd went with at all. DD stayed with her a while ago.

They have organised activities amongst themselves-talking yr 13 students here. Parties and shopping etc,

OP posts:
Original poster
brimfull · 16/10/2009 13:29

They are all gong to a party tonight so I wouldn't see her anywya.

When dd went to stay there-the girl took her straight out clubbing until 5am!

OP posts:
LaaDeDa · 16/10/2009 13:29

I think it's fine.
I'm sure your husband is approachable and i'm sure your daughter can speak up for her if she is shy around a male stranger.

We've had an 11 year old to stay before and she coped with my dp just fine so i'm sure a 17 year old will be ok.

And just as an aside - the organisation who sent the 11 year old (who stayed a month) didn't even see our home, meet me or dp in person or run any kind of crb check on either of us. Unbelievable.

thesecondcoming · 16/10/2009 13:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
brimfull · 16/10/2009 14:25

Have made a compromise ,will not bugger off so soon ,will see them off to party.

Agree the ones through a company sound dire-poor kids. Dd has always done them through school. She is 18 in december so not small and vulnerable.

OP posts:
Original poster
brimfull · 16/10/2009 14:37

Actually don't feel bad at all now as I am picking up another pair becasue the host parents are at work. And working all day tomorrow-so no diff really.

Dd said she hardly saw her partners dad when she was there.

I am reading way to much into this ffs

OP posts:
eyetunes · 16/10/2009 14:39

as you were.

Original poster
brimfull · 16/10/2009 14:41

lolololol

what about terrywoganscock!

OP posts:
eyetunes · 16/10/2009 14:44

yes for asking the question

Original poster
brimfull · 16/10/2009 14:48

can't think why ou aren't posting here

OP posts: