to smoke when the DCs have playdates at our house?

[BigMomma3]

What I mean is AIBU to smoke outside when the DCs have friends over for playdates! I do get really worried some times at what other parents will think of me cos I smoke . I NEVER smoke in the house - always in the garden, if raining I stand under an umbrella and I have my special 'smoking cardi' which comes down to my knees and stops my clothes smelling of smoke! I also wash my hands straight after and eat lots of mints. As you can see I am a bit anal about it myself all because of the guilt of being a smoking mother .

Would you have a problem with your DC coming to have tea at the house of a smoker as described above!! I can go for an hour or so without one but normally kids stay for at least 3 hours. Am a bit worried as I am sure one little boy told his mum that he saw me smoking and now she's a bit off with me. I would love to stop but have things going on in my life that mean I can't at the moment (will be meeting my father who I have not seen for 30 years this weekend!) and I am teetotal so smoking seems the lesser of two evils .

I've heard of the 20 mins thing, I think it was when reading about advice on avoiding cot death or something along those lines. Something to do with continuing to exhale toxins for this long after having a cigarette. I can't remember exactly where I read it though.

Thank you Pjmama

It's common HV/midwife advice to new parents. You still breathe out Carbon monoxide and other nasties after smoking a cig for a while. It is normal to tell parents that if they have to smoke they should do so outside with the door shut, wait 20 mins before returning, have a 'smoking coat' and wash their hands before handling babies particularly. I would, and most do, extend this to children as well.

Because I do not smoke maybe my HV did not think I needed to hear that?

I'm not sure, it may depend on having a parent who smokes living in the house. I'm pretty sure it was on a smokefree advice leaflet in the bounty pack I got after my first child though (he's 4). I had a homebirth with the second so had no bounty pack stuff. Might also just depend on your HV.

But that advice is for small babies surely? So wouldn't apply in this instance where the OP is merely hosting larger children in her house. So long as she washes her hands before preparing food/drinks for them it's hard to see how they could be affected at all.

It's advice for babies yes. I would apply it for older children too because I wouldn't want carbon monoxide breathed on my older children either. I wouldn't really want my dcs left for 20 mins unsupervised either. Really I'd just prefer it if someone didn't smoke.

As long as you're smoking outside and we're talking school-age children it wouldn't bother me in the slightest. The actual amount of potential toxins that you exude after smoking in such situations is tiny. Less than if, say, your next-door neighbour was having a barbecue.

I would be less happy about it if we're talking babies/toddlers but even that's more to do with not being able to keep an eye on them while you're outside.

I wouldn't have any problem at all. I am a smoker though and it never occured to me to ask my dd's playmates parents if I could smoke on my own balcony
OP you can always come to mine for a sneaky fag if you are ever in central Switzerland.

You are also more likely to have to carry a baby or toddler (close contact with smokey clothes) than a school age child which IMHO would be the reason why it is an advice for babies and toddlers rather than more grown up children.

For those who are so concerned about carbon monoxide levels, do you have all-electric cookers and electric hot-water boilers in your homes?

yanbu

I wouldn't be bothered by the smoking but, if I were you, I would make sure it happened when the dc could not see it. Either go around corner a short way or wait until they are playing upstairs or something. If they cannot see you they cannot "tell" on you.

The carbon monoxide thing is a bit silly, yes for a tiny baby where the amount may make a difference but not for an older child, the amount is minute and won't affect them if it is a few minutes on a play date once in a while.

The major reason it is a problem for babies is because you hold them in your arms close to your face, you do not behave liek that with an older child - especially a guest so the chances of any of the nasties making it to the child are almost nil

Bigmomma, you will still smell though, I used to take all teh precautions you do but a friend still used to tell me that they could smell the smoke from my clothes in tehri house even after I ha left. I thought they were nuts but, having given up, I have noticed the same thing with other smokers in my house.

The thing is the OP isn't running a creche here - she's just a Mum who is letting her child have over some mates.

She's breaking no law, she's acting responsibly and she's obivously very caring. She may smell a bit but that's neither here nor there. The parents who won't let their children go to her house because they may see her smoking or smell her breath when she passes them a biscuit are mad. Absolutely mad.

Oh yes I am definitely mad . Can't help it, I would judge her if she couldn't last three poxy hours on a playdate without having a fag. Get a grip.

Wouldn't mind at all.

I wouldn't mind one jot

I'm an on-off smoker (always outside) but I wouldn't smoke if I had someone else's child over. I don't even like my own children seeing me smoke, let alone someone else's.
OP, can you get in some nicotine gum to see you through a playdate so you don't feel the need to smoke for those 3 hours?

but you do smell, though. no matter what you think, no matter how long the cardi, you do smell.

but is the fact Op might smell a bit after smoking a reason in itself to stop a child going to a ply date at her house?

I prefer it if DS does not think tht smoking is a 'normal' thing that parents do, and does not get accustomed to the smell of smoke as a normal sort of smell to live with. DP has a cigarette most evenings - but DS has never seen him smoke.

But I wouldn't ban him seeing friends whose parents smoke - it's part of life, just like lot of other things I don't want him to pick up, it's legal, he has to learn to make decisions no matter what others do, and friendship is more important than picky standards, sometimes.

well, yes but my children are only little really. I just said how I'd feel about it. I said if I trusted her I'd still let mine go but I'd feel uncomfortable about it.

The same way I feel uncomfortable about them breathing in pollution or the smoke from next door's BBQ or anything else. I hate breathing all those things in myself.

The really responsible thing to do would be to manage without a cig for a few hours when looking after other people's children. I hate when nursery workers stink of cigs too. Not much you can do to control all these things you are overly worried about BUT I think trusting the parent caring for the children is the most important thing not whether they smoke or not.

Other people always have different priorities than you and you just can't control the environment your children are in to that extent even in your own home a lot of the time.

I think I'd be shocked that a parent would let a child go for a playdate with someone who smoked, not knowing that they smoked and then getting sniffy about it after. Strange behaviour for a parent, in my mind you either care or you don't. If you care, you would find out those things surely? If you trust the person then that should over-ride your worry.

Honestly I think people will have judgey views about you smoking wherever you do it.

I hate the smell of smoke etc but I wouldn't mind if you did smoke outside. You seem very sensible and sensitive on this matter so it would be ok with me.

Good point curiositykilled about parents who relly do not want their dcs to go anywhere near a smoker enquireing before.