Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

To no longer to contribute to birthday and other cards/collections at work since no-one bothered for me having my baby?

24 replies

EightiesChick · 15/10/2009 20:47

My workplace is made up mainly of people working alone, with an admin team together in an office. The admin staff regularly send round emails to say it's someone's birthday etc and there is a card to sign in the office and a collection for a gift if anyone wants to contribute. I usually do this and have put in for leaving, wedding and birthday collections. However, I was miffed that when I had my DS earlier this year, I got no card or anything. I've been trying to remember what's happened for other people, and one other colleague has had a baby (well, his wife did) in the past few years and I don't remember a card then, but one of the admin staff had a baby last year and I'm sure they did one for her.

So I am now feeling that since nobody bothered for me and what I think was a card-worthy event - not bothered about a big gift or even a gift at all as such, just to know they were wishing me well - I am not going to put into any more birthday collections and so on. AIBU?

OP posts:

WinkyWinkola · 15/10/2009 20:52

Nobody even sent you a card? My word. That's a bit shit, isn't it?

I'm not really sure what would be the best approach though.

You might just look really bitter if you don't contribute or anything because they were inconsiderate enough not to send a card.

You're going to have to work there for awhile longer, right, so perhaps the best thing would just to accept that they forgot or are a bit useless.

I bet there are loads of people whose birthdays/babies were forgotten.

I'd still put in a pound and sign any cards going personally although I can understand your reluctance.

TheBossofMe · 15/10/2009 20:53

Are you sure they didn't send something and it got lost in the post - it seems odd that an office that is so nice about remembering everyone's special days wouldn't do something for you? Or maybe they are saving it for a nice back to work treat for you - I got only a card from my office, but they treated me to a lovely afternoon in a salon having my hair and nails done when I got back to work - which was bliss!!!

popsycal · 15/10/2009 20:55

I got a card and a present for ds1, a card fr ds2 and sweet fa for ds3.

MrsJiggle86 · 15/10/2009 20:58

YANBU, it is bloody hurtful when that happens isnt it

Original poster

EightiesChick · 15/10/2009 21:02

To clarify - I got two cards from individual people that I work with, who know me quite well, one of whom sent a small gift too. But those were from those people rather than a 'work card' from my colleagues as a whole IYSWIM. When someone else I know there got married last year, there was a big card for her and a gift and I put a decent amount into that since we have worked together on a number of things, but she didn't for me and it annoys me that while her wedding obviously seemed like a worthwhile thing to celebrate and buy gifts for to the admin team, my PFB didn't...

I've been back at work a month now, so doubt they are waiting to surprise me, either...

It is pretty easy to avoid putting into the collections, by the way, because you have to actually go to the person in the admin office and ask for the card to sign and envelope to put money into. It doesn't get passed around, so there is no awkwardness in saying no or just doing nothing. Easy to get away with and I would never have to explain why I wasn't doing it.

They are currently collecting for one woman's 50th birthday this weekend - she actually started when I was on mat leave and I barely know her. I would have felt I ought to put in but am really reluctant to now.

Your salon visit sounds lovely TBOM!

OP posts:

stickylittlefingers · 15/10/2009 21:03

Seems very off. I would choose what people I donated to (in fact that's exactly what I do, but then I work in a big office).

I am sorry youve been made sad about it, tho. Crappy co-workers

Mybox · 15/10/2009 21:05

Doesn't sound a good system - could you have a word with who organizes it & see if you could make some changes. You might not be the only one who feels that they've been ignored.

TheBossofMe · 15/10/2009 21:07

Salon visit was really lovely and very much needed! Your colleagues on the other hand sound like a bunch of meanies - the birth of a PFB (or any other B!) should always be celebrated. Did they do anything for you when you went on maternity leave? Because if not, I'd be inclined to ignore the collections in the future.

IMoveTheStarsForNoOne · 15/10/2009 21:10

Oh, that's shit. I would stop contributing.
I remember a thread on here ages ago about a company that expected someone to contribute to birthday things even when she was on maternity leave!

Not the same thing, but when I left my last job (was there over 5 years) i didn't even get a card then

grrr for you

Original poster

EightiesChick · 15/10/2009 21:12

No, nothing when I went on leave... Basically I have got all annoyed about this today because I had the first meeting since going back to work of one of the committees I'm on - meeting was all women, 6 of us - and NONE of them said a word to me about the baby, no 'How is the little one?' or anything, even though they all know I've been on mat leave. I wouldn't have bored them silly (well, I might have forced them to look at a photo ) so I think for politeness they could have asked! I would have done. That has stirred up my annoyance at the lack of workplace card or gift, even though it was evident months ago I wasn't going to get one.

OP posts:

mazzystartled · 15/10/2009 21:16

Did they do anything when you went off on mat leave?

Tbh I think its a line manager's responsibility to make sure staff having babies/other major life things (not necessarily birthdays) get sent a card. It shuldn't just be left to anyone to randomly sort it out.

However, I would still chip in.

TheBossofMe · 15/10/2009 21:18

Wow - they sound really mean. Do none of them have children? Sounds like they don't because I can't imagine anyone who knows what its like to come back to work after ML not even asking about it. Or anyone with an ounce of kindness. Stuff 'em. I'm sending you a virtual MN gift, card and big hug instead.

mazzystartled · 15/10/2009 21:18

sorry x posts there

sounds pretty crappy. are they are bunch of miseries all the time?

Heated · 15/10/2009 21:19

That's very thoughtless and hurtful Can completely understand your desire to say "Oi! What about me?" Would anyone ever ask why you didn't contribute anymore, giving you a chance then to explain why, or do you think it would just go unnoticed?

So no, YANBU.

Northernlurker · 15/10/2009 21:20

I assumed you meant you didn't get a card when the baby arrived but had got a maternity leave present. I am at you getting nothing! That is rotten. I can see why you don't want to put anything in.

Original poster

EightiesChick · 15/10/2009 21:20

Good point about the line manager. As it is, there is room for people to slip the net because the admin office may just not know. I emailed my line manager to let her know I'd had my DS when we'd settled back in at home. She then sent an email to everyone announcing the baby's arrival, but she wasn't one of the two who sent cards. I am convinced as well that the one who sent me a small gift herself did it because she knew there was no 'official' collection and wanted me to have had something. Nice of her but not really fair, I think.

OP posts:

Heated · 15/10/2009 21:24

Cover your desk in framed pictures of dc, mugs & mousemats saying "Best mummy in the world", dc's artwork...

BiscuitStuffer · 15/10/2009 21:55

If someone asks if you want to contribute, you could say 'oh. I thought we'd stopped doing this now'. The reply will be 'what do you mean?' and then you can just shrug your shoulders and give them a meaningful look

4kidsandlovingit · 16/10/2009 11:13

I`ve actually had this situation when I was working. Myself and another on our team were both pg. She had her baby in June mine in July, neither of us recieved anything from our team. (police officers and all male while we were both on maternity leave). However soon after we returned back to work I was asked to put money into a collection for a colleague whos wife had just had a baby. (I had never met her)

It went down like a lead balloon when I refused and I got some stick for it from a couple of people and my line manager took me to one side to ask why but soon backed down when he got a mouthful.
Funnily enough I never got asked again.

startingagain · 16/10/2009 11:14

Did you get on with everyone at work before you had the baby? Don't want to upset you, but i wondered if not many people went to admin to donate so they couldn't actually do a collection? Not a nice thought, i know

If that was the case then YANBU!

Stripycat23 · 16/10/2009 11:22

YANBU. Sign the cards but don't offer any money again unless you like the person enough to do this.

DHs work sent me a lovely bouquet and cuddly bear for DS2 with a lovely card saying something like "congratulations Stripycat on this wonderful addition to your family may he bring you all the happiness..." (you get the drift). MY work did send a bouquet and a card which read "congrats KittyKat".

I agree that you should cover you desk in photos!

mrsmortenharket · 16/10/2009 11:29

covering yoru desk sounds brilliant idea

when i wen ton mat leave to have dd (nearly 5 years ago now) no-one bothered then either, yet there was another lady who was going on mat leave same time as me got the works!!

Fraochsmum · 16/10/2009 11:36

Nice one 4kids!
I don't think YABU, it is very hurtful. I know someone who worked in an office with 4 others and didn't get so much as a card after having her baby. It is really thoughtless, but some people just don't consider it at all.

paddingtonbear1 · 16/10/2009 11:42

yanbu to be brassed off. I got a card and present from my male-dominated IT company when I had dd. In your position I'd probably still sign cards, but not necessarily donate unless it was for someone I knew well.

Flip

Swipe left for the next trending thread