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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that parents should take priority over grandparents at school events?

45 replies

BettyTurnip · 15/10/2009 11:15

Ok, think I probably might get some stick for this and it's probably been done to death already but...

...have just come back from DD1's first school event (she's in Reception) which was Harvest Festival. The Headteacher apologised for lack of space in the hall and most of the audience were standing. It seemed like there were loads of grandparents there with prime spots, and I saw sweet FA tbh (and I probably wasn't the only one).

Now, I totally understand if they come as a "family representative" if the parents can't make it, but IABU to think it's slightly selfish for a family group (ie. saw a few of Mum&Dad and grandparents) to take up spaces meaning that one mother on her own (who admittedly is probably getting het up because it's her DD's first "big thing" at school ) gets to see bugger all?

OP posts:
StillSquiffy · 15/10/2009 11:20

Probably not being unreasonable, no, but as a newbie you will not yet have learnt the ropes. Always get there FIRST. No one is going to refuse a grandmother who turns up (even when the schools say two parents/reps only), so the onus is on you to get there ahead of them (and make sure you are not in the front row as you will inevitibly have to give your seat up for someone with a pram/walking stick )

lisad123wantsherquoteinDM · 15/10/2009 11:25

well then get there earlier, seats go to first come first serve and surely just because its not mum or dad doesnt matter. Can you image if some poor kid had no one from family at all because their parents couldnt make it and granny wasnt allowed.

if all else fails, get some stilts

Bucharest · 15/10/2009 11:26

Totally not unreasonable....this drove me mad at dd's nursery, it was like a fecking rush for the sales when they opened the doors....hooooooge extended families all pushing and shoving and kicking their way through.
They tried to limit it, by having numbered seats, one for each family, (ie the mother could sit down and everyone else had to stand at the back) but tbh, that didn't work either.

IneedacleanerIamalazyslattern · 15/10/2009 11:29

At dd's old school you got 2 tickets (never had to pay for them you just got them) whole schoolfor big events every pupil 2 each and asked to return one if you didn't need it (as I did often do) much better everyone had a seat and it also meant that there was no safety breaches by cramming the hall or having to turn people away much more sensible IMO.

fircone · 15/10/2009 11:30

They had to say TWO family members only at the dc's school following mega overcrowding.

The worst offender was a family consisting of mum and dad, and ALL FOUR grandparents. On every occasion. And they seemed to get there at 2am because they always occupied the front row - until the new rule came in.

MamaG · 15/10/2009 11:32

YANBU it is maddening. Our school now does the 2 ticket thing except for this afternoon when Rec and Y1 are doing a dance thing and its going to be a free for all. I don't want to get there an hour early and have to stand in the cold with a heavy baby FFS!

Original poster
BettyTurnip · 15/10/2009 11:32

I said I totally understood if granny was the "family rep" and parents couldn't be there.

I went straight to the hall after dropping dd1 off at 8.50am (start of school day), the place was rammed full and it didn't start until 9.15am. I think people must've been getting there ridiculously early and "reserving" spots with bags, buggies, Grandad etc .

I'm a newbie at school stuff but had it all at nursery with nativity plays etc. Obviously nursery much smaller (and the parents less ruthless?!)

Stilts might be fun .

OP posts:
Stigaloid · 15/10/2009 11:33

YANBU - I'd be narked off too.

pooexplosions · 15/10/2009 11:33

Yanbu, but if they are already there, you couldn't expect the GP's to stand in back while the young parents sat down could you?

nancy75 · 15/10/2009 11:35

we are guilty of doing a whole family trip to the pre school xmas play last year in my defence, dps parents live in australia and this was only the second visit in 4 years so they were very keen to go, as they miss out on everything else.

OrmIrian · 15/10/2009 11:36

It's unfortunate but unless they restrict places to 2 or so per child it's inevitable.

HarrumphingAndBosomAdjusting · 15/10/2009 11:39

YANBU- Two tickets rule sounds sensible. Why not suggest it to head?
Or perch on a vacant grandad's knee?

2shoescreepingthroughblood · 15/10/2009 11:39

yanbu
but the school should do somthing about it

bentneckwine1 · 15/10/2009 11:42

What annoyed me was the dad who stood up right infront of me to video the whole performance. I was about half way down the hall right in the middle of the row...so the man spolied the view for a great deal of people.

I think parents with video cameras should stand in the back row and use the focus buttons for close ups. Or one parent film from a front seat and burn off the film for other pearents.

saintmaybe · 15/10/2009 11:44

What bugs me is people standing at the front holding up cameras so no-one can see. At ds1's school you were asked to stand at the back if you wanted to film/ take photos, which was great.

So much nicer for the kids to see a sea of faces looking at them rather than flashes/ people fiddling with their phones/ cameras.

lucykate · 15/10/2009 11:44

yanbu, two years on the trot i haven't been able to go to dd's school easter tea as there were no tickets left (this event was done on first come first served basis). so dd has had no-one going to see her there, while other kids have had both parents and grandparents.

Original poster
BettyTurnip · 15/10/2009 11:46

Quite relieved I'm not the only one.

"Or perch on a vacant grandad's knee?"
PMSL Harrumphing... the poor bloke would never see another Harvest Festival again!

Nancy75 - that is excusable

Pooexplosions - well, no, that would be rude, but would possibly expect them to have bit of common sense.

OP posts:
notagrannyyet · 15/10/2009 11:47

No you are not being unreasonable. Parents should have priority. But it's always been a problem and you do have to get their first. Not easy if you have other little ones.

Our school limited tickets to 2 adults per family. People could then apply for any extra if they were available. Anyone else had to make do with the video/DVD. Did work. Used to p* me of that governors & dinner ladies used to nab the front seats when they had no DC at school! I helped with costume making so got a good seat at the dress rehersal!

saintmaybe · 15/10/2009 11:48

Xpost bentneck!

Pyrocanthus · 15/10/2009 11:49

For the christmas productions, our school now restricts numbers for the main performance and doles out tickets, then puts on an extra morning show for grandparents and anyone else in the village who feels like watching.

notagrannyyet · 15/10/2009 11:54

The dress rehersal was for concerts & plays. For the harvest assembly I just elbowed my way to the front.

Bramshott · 15/10/2009 11:57

I'm not sure about anyone "taking priority" - but the issue is that there is not enough space for everyone who wants to come, so the school need to address that, and either do two events (eg. Harvest Festival for Infants, and separate Harvest Festival for Juniors), or by limiting places to say 2 per family as others have suggested.

Original poster
BettyTurnip · 15/10/2009 12:10

I know "taking priority" sounds a bit harsh, but I think that's what it boils down to. Presumably the GP's have had their time when they attended their own childrens' performances and events, therefore the priority now should be given to parents who would like to do the same.

I think it's a real shame that some parents seem to miss out (as happened to lucykate).

Rationing the tickets seems to be fair, although this wasn't a ticketed event.

Wrt to filming, my friend's ds's school bans filming but parents can buy the schools own recording of the event.

OP posts:
NancyBotwin · 15/10/2009 12:26

At my dcs pre-school christmas nativity the front rows were always taken up by old dears who were not related to the children in any way but were members of the church (the pre-school was held in the church hall but this was a commercial arrangement, it was not run by the church iyswim).

We have also had events at the Yr 6 school play where one family turned up en-masse and bagged a whole row of front-row seats - their dc was in Yr 5 and along with the rest of his year was just in the "crowd scene" - no lines to say!

Pyrocanthus · 15/10/2009 12:44

I contributed to harvest harmony this year by forgetting to go.