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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

in not expecting nasty or sarcastic comments when posting a genuine conundrum?

95 replies

mrshibbins · 13/10/2009 11:40

"we don't allow personal attacks no matter how unreasonable you think someone is. Do report any you see. Thanks, MNHQ."

it seems to me both from reading other threads, and from starting threads myself, that there is a small percentage of MN posters who can't give a constructive objective POV and like nothing better than putting their boot in in a very personal and unhelpful way which I think is a form of online bullying ...

what do you think constitutes a 'personal attack'?

should it be ignored, self-governed or reported?

what level does it have to go to before it IS reported?

OP posts:
AitchTwoToTangOh · 13/10/2009 12:09

PS i think you're getting me confused with seabright, a lawyer who gave you the same advice as other lawyers on the thread but who you didn't want to listen to because there was no ker-ching on the end of her post. sense of justice, my backside.

and you specifically made the link between this thread and the other earlier on...

(btw, like i say, she got loads of help, she just didn't want to hear it because it didn't tally with what her own lawyer is saying).

Chickenshavenolips · 13/10/2009 12:09

You know the thing with AIBU? It allows you to vent your hormonal homicidal rage considered opinion without censoring. It's best not to post if you feel delicate.

Original poster
mrshibbins · 13/10/2009 12:10

it's irrelevant - my conundrum wasn't a legal one, it was an ethical one. is there an ethics section here?

this thread isn't ABOUT that thread - all that did was prompt me to post about something I had already noticed many times - it's about the mean spirit in which a small minority of MN ladies respond to ANY thread.

OP posts:
AitchTwoToTangOh · 13/10/2009 12:10

lolol at 'i don't get you???'

clearly.

AitchTwoToTangOh · 13/10/2009 12:11

case for the prosecution, m'lud.

"By mrshibbins on Tue 13-Oct-09 11:51:49
I guess I am naive in thinking that people will respond in a 'helpful' spirit, rather than making insulting personal accusations about the OP

in my case it was someone accusing me of being 'money grubbing' and of suspect ulterior motives when posting about helping my mother with a possible inheritance issue. I was pretty shocked TBH, and one or two other posters just taking on such a sarky attitude ... sad

I guess I just hoped everyone on here would be a bit more ... well, adult, and ... friendly."

Morloth · 13/10/2009 12:12

And it isn't as though lawyers ever tell potential clients what they want to hear in order to get them to come back a couple more times before it fizzles out...

Yes, yes I know not all lawyers are sharks - just the ones I know .

PuppyMonkey · 13/10/2009 12:13

I have no real opinion, but I'm loving the use of the terms "snarky" and "snarked at" on this tread. Superb.

wildfig · 13/10/2009 12:14

I think if it's ethics you're after, you want What Would You Do?

but if it's frothing at the mouth or a short sharp slap, you're probably fine with Am I Being Unreasonable.

The clue's in the titles, you see. The answer to (a) is "oooh, I don't know, let's have a chat, when this happened to me, blah blah blah, bottle of wine, etc....' The answer to (b) is either "yes" or "no". Or sometimes "shut your head".

HTH.

Original poster
mrshibbins · 13/10/2009 12:14

why do lawyers always have to think everyone's got a financial motive? not everyone's like that you know!!

Anyway, please can people stop changing the subject? This isn't about THAT thread, it's about the anger and sarcasm and finger prodding that some people think is a normal way of replying ... why does it have to be so?

it is possible to be blunt without being abrasive and nasty

OP posts:
Original poster
mrshibbins · 13/10/2009 12:16

I didn't even know there was a What Would You Do thread...

OP posts:
AitchTwoToTangOh · 13/10/2009 12:16

i think it's fair enough, though, if mrsh didn't really know that. i find AIBU and WWYD etc all a bit confusing.

it's just that her AIBU thread really didn't go tits-up at ALL... ach, sod it. i'm linking, see for yourselves

GypsyMoth · 13/10/2009 12:16

lol at 'mean spirit'!!

you mean you didn't like the opinions! different pov aren't anything other than that! differences

so,many threads running like this at the moment...don't swear.....don't use this word or that word....and now this,don't disagree in aibu,or dare to be vocal about anything!!!

go to netmums for the sugary stuff,mumsnet isn't like that.

ImSoNotTelling · 13/10/2009 12:16

You could even have put it in chat.

AIBU is best avoided unless you have donned your fighting trousers.

Live to post another day though - there are loads of really helpful people one here - and you can learn to ignore the ones you don't get on with. As in real life there are many different types of people and they will not all share your POV outlook etc. All part of teh rich tapestry blah

AitchTwoToTangOh · 13/10/2009 12:17

so being snippy about someone's spelling? abrasive? nasty? or blunt?

Morloth · 13/10/2009 12:18

mrshibbons "Anyway, please can people stop changing the subject?"

Welcome to AIBU - are you new? You can't control threads either once they are out there.

Didn't we have a thread a while ago that started with pizza, veered into gas chambers, wandered off to pro-life and ended up discussing formula in the developing world?

Such is the nature of the beast.

BTW if you are talking to lawyers about inheritance, then it is about money. You seem to think that some money might help your Mum get over the appalling way her father treated her. It won't.

AitchTwoToTangOh · 13/10/2009 12:18

read the link. mrsh would have got the same response wherever she'd posted.

ImSoNotTelling · 13/10/2009 12:21

I read the original thread. I still think OP might have had it a bit easier in chat.

Having said that this is another AIBU though isn't it... after the last one I personally wouldn't have been in a rush to start another. I'm not hard though

Boco · 13/10/2009 12:22

I like the idea of fighting trousers. What would they be like? Surely a topic for style and beauty.

AitchTwoToTangOh · 13/10/2009 12:23

i think she'd have had it easier if her OP hadn't included the word 'diddled' and been so weird about the liverpool st tie rack.

WHO was the troll who worked there? wsa is judgeflounce? or lavenderr? it was all before my time.

Original poster
mrshibbins · 13/10/2009 12:27

Okay okay, enough already, so I know now. AIBU is where the MN masochists go to get tongue lashed by the MN sadists. I'll post on WWYD section if I have any more issues I need help deciding on.

OP posts:
Original poster
mrshibbins · 13/10/2009 12:27

not upset, just plain baffled ...

OP posts:
ImSoNotTelling · 13/10/2009 12:28

Maybe some kind of velveteen pantaloon? The phrase "trousers at dawn" springs to mind.

AIBU for turning the conversation to ludicrous trousers on a serious AIBU thread?

Morloth · 13/10/2009 12:28

Fighting Pants

Good plan OP, good plan.

AitchTwoToTangOh · 13/10/2009 12:29

jeez louise, mrsh... you really got a fair shot on that other thread, you know... but if it makes you feel better to think that you were ill-treated...

ImSoNotTelling · 13/10/2009 12:29

Team the fighting trousers with some kind of exceptional and extravagent hat and no-one will ever disagree with you again.