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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to by annoyed at this NCT antenatal group

328 replies

birthstoryvisit · 11/10/2009 10:27

Ok, I know I'm being unreasonable, that's why I've name changed, but I need to get this off my chest.

My DS is three months' old. Yesterday, I went back to my old NCT teacher's class to give my birth story (long, epidural, ventouse, lots of stiches). A friend with a wonderful birth (waterbirth, soft lights) went too.

They were horrid to me. Did not ask me one question about my labour (I thought that they'd want to know what some of the interventions were really like). Their basic attitude was "You failed to have a natural labour. I do not need to talk to you because my labour will not be like that. I am coming to classes and will have a lovely, natural birth with maybe a bit of gas and air. You are a failure." They spent their whole time asking my friend about her ante natal yoga and whether it was the raspberry leaf tea that ensured the quick labour.

This isn't just me. The first thing my friend said when we left was "goodness, they were a bit judgy weren't they?". I get it, they're first time mums and in denial, but am I being unreasonable to hope that at least one of them has a long labour and needs an epidural?(I know I am really ). I gave up part of my weekend to try and be helpful. Grrr, won't be doing that again.

OP posts:
sabire · 19/10/2009 15:56

"sabire who decides (after the fact) that the surgery was 'avoidable'? For which women? As you say, the doctor/midwife will weigh up individual risk/benefit.. they make the decisions they do based on their interpretation of that."

Umm, and who here is saying that individual women will know or can be told that their c-section was unnecessary? I made the point that overall there is agreement from all the major health organisation that there are many avoidable c-sections happening. What's the difference between avoidable and unnecessary? An example: when a hospital has very low staffing levels so that large numbers of women are sharing midwives, the c-section rate goes up. This is because women's labours are mismanaged, and they end up needing a c-section. Had the hospital been properly staffed fewer of those women would have ended up in a position where a c-section becomes necessary.

"But some antenatal childbirth classes give women the idea that this is their choice and their choice alone to make: ssomething they can control with their actions and words."

I have never seen a class where a woman is encouraged to think this! But I have seen classes where women are encouraged to think about things they might be able to do, which are proved to reduce the likelyhood of needing a c-section, such as opting out of having continuous monitoring, (unless health care staff can ensure that it is medically justified), hiring a doula, or opting for a homebirth.

"nor do I want to plague myself with considering all the 'additional risks' an unforeseen section might bring to a next pregnancy (which, in reality, many many women don't experience) based on snippets of research."

Tho said that many women do experience serious problems associated with c-section? Nobody. We all know that most women come through a c-section in good health. But it's still the case that all women who have a c-section have an increased risk of these things, and that's worth knowing about I think. At least, I wouldn't want to be facing any other sort of major surgery without knowing what the risks or the benefits were - what adult does?

"I find that it's really hard to read and interpret well if you're not a researcher in that particular area (or have PhD or research training)"

NCT teachers do have training in interpreting research and are required to keep abreast of important medical research in obstetrics and midwifery. But really, it is up to the individual to read the research themselves and decide how significant it is to them and their situation. These things are subjective. Even a small increase in the stillbirth rate might be of real concern to some people.

Have to say, in my personal situation the reduced risk of c-section was a huge factor in me choosing a homebirth. I didn't opt to give birth outside hospital because I thought it would be 'nice', but because I was aware of the increased risk of c-section that comes with birthing in a CLU. I was also aware of the possible complications and furture implications of c-section in later pregnancies. In my case awareness of the research into influence of place of birth was instrumental in my birth choices.

MrsGrant1976 · 19/10/2009 16:37

To play devil's advocate I gave birth for the first time 6 weeks ago and was hoping for a natural drug free home birth, but I knew it was possible that this wouldn't happen for whatever reason, and that I might have to have a hospital birth/intervention etc. But that doesn't mean to say I wanted to hear every horrendous birth story going just so I could get some perspective! My opinion was that I'd deal with what happened to me if and when necessary, so why scare myself beforehand?
In the event I had to be induced in hospital, had every bit of pain relief going, and a forcep delivery where I lost a lot of blood, lots of stitches...but it was actually a wonderful experience. The midwives were great and I got my beautiful baby girl at the end of it - the labour was a means to an end and no big deal. I wouldn't choose to discuss my birth with anyone who hadn't been through child birth themselves because no one in their right mind would CHOOSE that sort of labour, and I wouldn't want to scare anyone - but if I was in a situation where I HAD to discuss it, I'd tell them not to worry about it even if you do need intervention because it can still be a positive experience and as soon as it's over you'll forget about it.

sabire · 19/10/2009 19:17

Congratulations MrsGrant!

I agree with you that you can come through even a very difficult birth feeling very positive. I think the key is being looked after well - as you say you were.

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