To think that 7 is too young to go to a friends sleepover?

[andirobobo]

Wel DH thinks I am because he thinks I dont like the girl!

I have no problem with the girl or her family either - she is a bit loud and bossy but she is 7 FGS!

DD has been invited with a few others to a sleep over at a school friends house. I think she is a bit too young for all that sort of stuff! Too much Hannah Montana watching etc! Her best friend is not going and she is vague about who else is going.

In theory it would be ok, but it is the end of half term - a saturday night, but we are having a family party (in the day) either the sat or sun for my Dad - at his house and my brother and family are coming. So all I can see is a tired girl going to a family party and being a PITA as she generally is if she hasnt slept well. She also has a swimming lesson in the morning which perhaps she could miss, but I try to instill that you have to go to activities whether you like it nor not as they are paid for - I suppose she could miss it once, bu has already missed 1 of this 10 week session so far.

I know she will proabably end up going so I can just keep the peace in the house, but what would you do / have done? If she doesnt go, what is a reasonable excuse?!!

I also think 7 is too young for sleepovers. DD isn't allowed to go to any. But I am in a minority amongst her school friends. Plus you have other commitments that weekend. Also the vagueness of the plans would worry me too. So no I wouldn't let my DD go either!

thedollshouse children of that age are perfectly capable of amusing themselves!!!

You are depriving your childrne if you don't allow them on sleepovers till they are at secondary.

And you are missing out on evenings alone, without DCs! You don't actually have to ever have a sleepover at your house, but for god's sake let your children go to sleepovers at their friend's houses!

At 5y my DD was able to entertain herself, and was even more likely to be able to do so when she had a friend over. She is now 7y and if she has a friend round the only time I see them is feeding time!

I enjoyed playdates mainly because DD was entertained, giving me an couple of hours to do other stuff.

I do think a sleepover at a friend's house, just a few children, is veryt different from a full-blown party.

Me too Hula

diddl - she would have to miss swiming as I dont reckon the family she is staying at will appreciate me knocking on their door at 8.30am demanding my daughter back!!

cory - you are right - I have no qualms about letting her stay out all night and the family are fine, it is more the tiredness the next day and then being a PITA at a family do. She is unbearable when cranky!

Piscesmoon - she has jsut started Brownies and will be at camp in April next year. She has stayed away before at Grandmas and her cousins with no problems, so not worried about that side of it!

The plans are vague at the moment and I have not spoken to the parents yet to see what the score is or even who the other few friends are - I kind of wanted to see if I was being unreasonable or whether she is the perfect age for it! I cant see the favour being returned here though!

I think I will let her dad decide if she can go or not, and then he can deal with the consequences the next day! It is interesting to get other parental views and there is definitely no PFB about it all!

"You are depriving your childrne if you don't allow them on sleepovers till they are at secondary."

Really?

"Good point about getting them used to staying away from home."

Why do you have to get them used to staying away from home at 7yo?

My definition of deprivation must be different too

I don't actually like sleepovers so have done very few.
I wouldn't worry,andirobobo, if she is going to Brownie camp and already stays with relatives.
I just felt sorry for the yr 6 DD that I was talking to because she really wanted to go, but she was very apprehensive. She realised she would miss out big time if she refused to go, and that she would hate it afterwards when the rest of the class were full of it, plus the fact that her best friend really wanted her to go- but at the same time she was very worried. Her mother shouldn't have put her in the position of never having a night without her IMO.

I'm not a great fan of primary school residential trips either. I think secondary school is soon enough. Some children are just not ready to stay away from home at that age and it could be seen to be unfair of the school to put them in a situation where they feel they have little choice but to go or feel left out or silly in front of their classmates.

Sleepovers here are ONE child only and are really an extension of babysitting. So tonight ds will bring his friend round and she will stay so that her parents get a night out, and don't have to get back for the baby sitter!! It works for us, and it works for the children. But I wouldn't force any child to be away from home if they weren't happy. This arrangement has occured over time (i.e. we all got to know each other first!) Which reminds me I need to go and buy something for their tea.....

juule,

I would have thought like you, why do you need to get them used to staying outside the home

but looking round at dcs friends and dcs themselves, over the last years circumstances have arisen in pretty well every family where children have needed to go and spend the night somewhere else due to domestic circumstances (chiefly medical) and it has been a great help to those children both to be used to the concept as such and to have a number of neighbouring families where they are not afraid to sleep

dcs friends's Mum was taken very seriously ill, so the children stayed here during one of her multiple hospital trips and with other friends on other occasions

dd had to go into a residential clinic

other friends had other things happen at short notice

I wouldn't say anyone was depriving their children if they didn't let them go, but it has been a great help to the people I know.

And both my dcs thoroughly enjoyed the residential trip in Yr 4 and wouldn't have missed it for the world.

I suppose I don't feel the need to get my children used to being away from home because I know they would be okay in the situations that you describe. They get on well with their cousins and friends and would have no problem staying over if the need arose.

However, that is a different situation to staying at classmates houses.

Glad to hear that your dcs enjoyed the school residential. My ds was indifferent to the residential trip in y6 and wouldn't have bothered going again. It was expensive,too and we could probably have put the cost to a family holiday. I still can't see the point of a primary school residential trip (for us anyway).

OK.

I wasn´t clear if the swimming was on the morning of the sleepover or the next morning.

TBH, I don´t think it´s unreasonable to ask the parents to have your child ready for you to collect at 8.30

Chances are the girls would be up & about early, but as previously said, she´s more than likely going to get tired late afternoon/early evening.

I don´t think 7 is necessarily too young to sleep over at a friends-but you know your daughter, and what other children do really isn´t relevant.

We have no cousins nearby, so it would have to be friends.

And they enjoy sleepovers and want to go, so that settles it for me.

And the residential included things like badger watching that they simply wouldn't have had on a family holiday. My only regret was that I couldn't smuggle myself in in their bags

It boils down to if you're unhappy about it for whatever reason don't do it.

You don't need excuses particularly although it does sound like you've a pretty busy weekend anyway.

Just say 'perhaps another time' and leave it at that.

Don't feel pressured into it at 7. What will you get pressured into in coming years?

Mine have loved residentials at primary school, even DC2, who found it difficult. I think it is much too late to start at secondary when it is usually some distance from home. I think that they get so much from it.
I agree with cory that it is a good idea to get them used to it-life throws all sorts of emergencies at you- and any mother may find herself rushed into hospital at a moment's notice. If the worst happens it is nice to know that they have somewhere, relatives or good friends, where they feel comfortable and they are not doing it for the first time ever under those circumstances.

I really don't understand why you think it's 'much too late at secondary'.

As for getting them used to being away from home 'just in case' there's an emergency at home (which may never happen) that doesn't make much sense to me at all.

If they are happy staying out and you are happy with them doing that then that's great for you and yours.

I feel that at primary school age it's too soon to be encouraging a child to stay away from home.

None of my older children seem to have suffered from this approach. However, when my oldest dc was younger there wasn't the same interest in sleepovers which seemed to develop by the time my 14yo started school

Each to their own I suppose. I just wanted to make the point that children don't miss out if they don't go to sleepovers when they are primary school-age.

I would far rather that my DS ,who easily got homesick, went away at primary with his regular teacher who knew him very well indeed and children that he had seen all day and everyday for at least 3 years, than to wait until secondary level where they will have a much more mixed lot of DCs, some of which they don't know too well, and the possibility of teachers that don't know them at all or only see them a couple of times a week. Also at secondary level it is far more difficult to admit to being homesick.
I know that the DC I spoke to was really keen to go but it was fear of the unknown-she just kept saying 'I have never, ever had a sleepover'. I know that she thought a sleepover would have helped her.

Some people go blissfully through life thinking 'it will never happen to me' and so they don't see the need to prepare their DC. unfortunately various things have happened to me and so I don't want my DCs totally dependent on me-I want them comfortable with other people.
I admit to not having done many sleepovers, (we need sleep in our house!) but I haven't held them back if they have wanted to.
I think the lead should come from the DC,if they aren't comfortable don't force it but very often the DC is fine but the mother can't let go.
In the case of OP, it doesn't seem a good time and I would just say so. I also wouldn't be keen unless I knew that the parent had similar values.

I can see what you are saying, piscesmoon, and you know the best way of doing things for your family.

But I would say that a child who would be homesick at primary school wouldn't necessarily be at secondary school. They might be more than ready. For the girl that you spoke to perhaps another year from now she might be ready for a residential trip.

One of my older children who had no sleepovers at primary went off on a residential trip in y7 and thoroughly enjoyed it.

While a child might be happy to sleep out, it's still up to the parent to decide what's in the best interest of the child. If as a parent you don't really know the family of the child who is having the sleepover you might decide against letting your child go even though the child is very enthusiastic. I can't see a problem with that and don't think it's always a case of the mother (parent?) not wanting to let go. Although at with younger aged children I can't see any harm in the parent not wanting to let go anyway.
While the child's opinions should be taken into account it's still the parent with the responsibility and experience who has the final say. I think my aim is to foster a firm, secure home base and they can branch out from there as they get older.

My older dd sometimes slept out at friends while at secondary school and college. People she trusted. Guess what? She is now homesick at university. So it doesn't always toughen them up to sleep out. Having said that she did mostly prefer to come home. My ds who rarely slept out went off to uni with hardly a backward glance.

We all do what we think best for our own situations, I suppose.

No, 7 is fine for sleepovers.

But if you are already comitted to other events, then decline the invite.

But don't get pissed off when other parents decline your dd's party invite because they have swimming or might be tired.

I think it's too young. This of course is based on my child, so I'm not surprised that many don't think the same.

If you have other plans then don't send her. Children have to fit in with the family's plans anyway, to a reasonable point of course.

I don't think 7 per se is too young for a sleepover. Mine have had sleepovers around this age and gone on residential school trips all of which they have thoroughly enjoyed.

I also don't think they're just about getting a child used to being away from home! It is about FUN too. They learn to look after their own things, to manage themselves and do return a little bit more mature. Plus it is a lifelong memory!

Mine have also been away on cub camps and on the early ones whilst mine were excited about it there were some others who missed home and cried. So it really depends on the child and how you think they will cope.

In fact I have a preference for organised trips with teachers rather than some sleepovers at school friends. Sometimes these things can be foisted upon you by relatively unknown people. We have had random invitations where I have never seen the inside of the host's house or the other members of the family. In these circumstances I am too twitchy to pack them off until I know more about the family they are going to be with!

And yes they do end up staying up ridiculously late but it is all part of the fun.

Well, I think it is too young. Hey-ho.

I am not depriving my child.

I never went on sleepovers until I was about 13 and I didn't feel that I missed out.

Ds will go to sleepovers at beavers, school residential trips and with his cousins just not at friends houses for the reason being that I will not have other peoples children to stay in my house unless it is an emergency.

Weekends are for families, I don't want responsibility for other peoples children. If you enjoy looking after other peoples children, then great have a sleepover every day if you want but I don't like looking after other peoples children. If I want childcare I am lucky enough to have my inlaws fairly closeby.