AIBU to think that DH's XP should have consulted us or at least him in whether or not his DD has the HPV vaccine.....

[boodleboot]

.....she didn't.....she has IMO, a pretty laissez faire parenting style at the best of times {i'm being polite there people...} and has made this decision to let DSD have the jab without even metioning it to us or apparently questioning it herself.....DH and I are dead against this jab for my DD {who lives with us} and DH would have really liked the opportunity to have a say in this decision as feels the jab is just an unproven risk not worth taking at the moment and would have suggested waiting a couple of years to see how the side effects and statistics are bourne out by other peoples experience....

anyhoo....we only find out today she had the jab last week as i had seen a status update of hers on FB saying that she has passed out again at school. Apparently she has been passing out with dizziness and headaches since the day she had it intermittently and after googling it again apparently fainting is a side effect that can be pretty nasty and can last ages....DH's XP hadn't made the link between these faints and the jab so hasn't even taken her to docs yet.....AAAARRRGGGHH. ooh i am very cross you know....

...but that is because I am always right. Obviously.

You may not Sawyer, it seems that our school and yours have a different policy. I wonder if it is to do with health authorities? I know that all the schools in our area (the ones I have contact with) are sending out the same letter - ie Please be aware that, whilst we would like your consent, your daughter will be offered the opportunity to make this decision herself if consent if withheld. (or words to that effect)

Yes your DH has a right to know and have a say in his daughters welfare and HE (not you I am afraid) as the childs father should have been consulted prior to this jab taking place.

YABtotallyU - how dare you its quite frankly none of your business - and honestly your scaremonegering reaction to vaccines horrifies me!
If she is a teen/pre teen and you wait a few years it will be too late she will have missed the window - but hey ho at least you will feel better about your obviously superior parenting skills

oh god I just re read your Op in case I had been too harsh but now I'm even more gobsmacked!
You are very cross that the XP hasnt made a link between the faints and the jabs - aaaaggghhhhh you silly cow !! because there is no link and your frank hysteria is probably the cause of the faints more likely !

children and young people if it is believed they can consent within the fraser guidelines (used by Gillick competent) can make decision about their medical care without parental involvement (never mind consent)although this may be with GP's not sure how it would impact on schools

this is between her mum and dad,not you.you are not neutral or impartial and these issues affect your judgement and opinion of the 1st wife

but yes,as parents they should have had a dialogue and tried to amicably reach a settlement

macdoodle, might be worth reading whole thread, as boodle did admit that she wonders how much notice she would take of her own exp's opinions regarding their dd...which was very honest of her.

And while i might think her opinion is utterly wrong (and I do) but she is entitled to it. Just not entitled to have input into her dsd's life with it, in this instance.

I did read the whole thread - doesnt make her OP any better IMO!
She is more than allowed her opinion and I am more allowed to says that I THINK she is BU! ......a lot

YABVVVU! You clearly don't understand that YOU have NO rights to decide. It's horrible that you are making her MOTHER out to be horrible parent because she has allowed her child to have a vacine which is for her own good.

If you want to put YOUR daughter at risk fine, but leave other peoples children out of it.

I think we are all agreed she is BU. But the whole whether to vaccinate or not is another issue, IMO.

But hey, don't let me get in the way of a bit of an AIBU ruck

I don't know... to some extent a SM is entitled to an input - especially one who has been around a long time IYSWIM. However I think that the step-parent gets to give their view to the birth parent they are married to...

So the op can give her thoughts and feelings to her dh, they can discuss it and come up with their collective opinion then the father should go to the mother and have the discussion with her - the step-parent has no input at this stage IMO.

I do think a step-parent has some right to opinion, after all they care about this person deeply too - well they should do! (for the record I am not a step-parent but my dd has one! I do not want to hear her views myself but I do think she and her dh [my ex] should discuss things between themselves as she has a valid input too.)

sorry, that was a more general ponder on step-parenting in general, in the case of the HPV I have made my feelings clear so I am wandering off onto other things now

yes bb and her dh can discuss/assess formulate their opinion as a couple who care for the dd. however given bb and the 1st wife have history/issues that then adds a frisson.

so bb and her dh discuss privately,but the face to face dialogue is the two parents

That is what I said SM.

and...

macdoodle - moo... calm down.....methinks it is YOU who is being hysterical....

crikey - i only leave to make pasta, salmon and philly sauce {recipe from the advert....yum...} and come back to name calling??

DSD doesn't live very near to us, about an hour on a good traffic day and we haven't seen her since weekend before last, she stays with us every other weekend. i have FB'd her but not actually spoken but her dad has.....no hysteria here....from either of us actually but fainting has been noted as one of the possible side effects from the jab and her mum said she didn't know that. This isn't about hysteria, its about the facts that some side effects may occur and passing out 7 times since last wednesday's jab would have certainly warranted a trip to the doctors should she live with us... i was cross about that and don't think thats particularly unreasonable? Thats all.....

Good to know that she has a caring SM boodle.

They get such bad press. I luuurrrve my SM - she is the best ever.

SM, it sounded like you were disagreeing with me, clearly I am wrong and have no wish to get in a row with you again so I will leave it there. Enjoy your evening.

you asked me to elaborate - i did,i see we concur

"to some extent a SM is entitled to an input"

No they are not. They may be entitled to an opinion but only an opinion.

yes,sm contribute opinion to dh only but wholly a parental decision

I think it is semantics really Dragon, whether talking about a decision to DH is considered an opinion or an input is neither here nor there really, my point was simply that a step-parent can give their thoughts/opinion/input but only to the parent to which they are married not to the other parent of the step-child.

Boodle - having earlier said that you were being totally unreasonable, I now think that actually, you are right to be concerned that her mum hasn't taken her to see the doctor re: the fainting. Has your dh asked her mum why this hasn't happened?

I think the problem is that there are several issues in one OP, some are boodle BU, others NBU.

Consultation with her DH by Exp, borderline, on balance, yes just out of good manners.
Her input, apart from consensus with DH, Nah.
Worry about DSD fainting, Reasonable concern, but again, to be expressed by DH rather than boodle.