to find my 2 yo DD a nightmare when out and about and don't know what to do about it...

[elliemellie]

I have 3 dc - 2ds (8,6) and dd (2.5) and am finding my dd absolutely exhausting at the moment. She is great fun and incrediably sweet but fiercely independant (not something I'd experienced with my 2 ds!) and it'ss becoming a nightmare to go out the house with her. She refuses to go in the buggy and when I insist she will scream, thrash around, try standing up etc and will keep this up for at least 15 mins. If I let her walk she will only run everywhere. Tried reins in which case she screams, tries to pull them off/smack my hand away and then sits on the floor refusing to move. She won't even hold my hand. It's really starting to get me down and am beginning to dread the school run as this is where it is worst. I am firm and consistant with her and tried keeping her occupied in the buggy with toys/books/nibbles but nothing works. I just come home a jibbering, sweaty wreck! I have a bad back which makes it really hard to physically carry her when she's thrashing around. When I pick my ds up from school they try to tell me about their day but I can't listen cos I'm running after her. It's enough to make me cry sometimes. She's great in most other ways behaviuor-wise. Please - any advice?

Sorry, no advice. Only that YANBU, it must be exhausting. DS has days like this too. And bloody good on you remembering your DD's positive qualities

Have you tried searching the behaviour / development boards?

What I do with my DD is give her two chances to walk nicely like a big girl.The second time she is naughty I pick her up and put her in the buggy ignoring any screaming,crying and anything else she does completely.

I do this every time and have been known to go back home and get the buggy.

Usually I take the buggy with me just in case.Today we managed a trip to the supermarket and back with no major problems.

op, they are all murder at that age

it gets better, honest!

The independent thing does seem to go with girls.

If it makes you feel any better I used to feel like I was the only one with crying children on the school run, but actually I think lots of others have this too.

I have found it better since my twins could go on something on their own - they started doing the school run on little scooters when they were 3 (but we only cross 2 roads).

Be consistent when you are out (as you are) and maybe give yourself a break and drive the odd day - I used to that when it was tantrums all the way.

She will grow out of it.

Have you tried using a wrist strap that way you aren't actually holding her but she cant get far.

Same as lillypie, ds was allowed to 'walk nicely' (i.e. no running off or using my arm as a swing) or he had to go in the buggy. He had a general warning, then a specific one crouched down at his level and then was strapped in regardless of the screaming.

He's now 2.10 and we've ditched the buggy completely. If he starts trying to run and hide when I'm paying in shops, he's now old enough to understand a less immediate threat such as losing the carrot which is often dangled (e.g. a little bit of Cbeebies before lunch or his favourite jam sandwich).

I also avoid taking him shopping at certain times like late afternoon, but I'm a SAHM so it's a bit easier.

My 19mo is just the same. He won't go in the pushchair for love nor money, but won't tolerate reins/backpack thing with reins, wrist bands, and won't hold hands. Much screaming and thrashing here too. Trips out turn into a huge battle, and most of the time I can't face doing unnecessary trips with him. Life is too short for that sort of stress.

I know it is a phase and he'll grow out of it but it is exhausting.

No helpful advice, but lots of sympathy.

[sympathy]

It's very wearingg isn't it?

This Too Will Pass

I completely sympathise.

No real problems with my DS, but my DD (just 17 months) is a nightmare - particularly on the nursery school run. She doesn't come when called which I know is an age thing rather than a behaviour thing, but refuses to be carried or to hold hands which is a nightmare - and potentially dangerous as school is on a really busy road.

I must make the other parents laugh. I am the (whispers) ex headmistress of the Junior School attached, and there I am with my wailing daughter giving her a fireman's lift....

I ought to just put her in the pushchair all the time but then I think she'll never learn.

Am thinking 2.5 is a great age for bribery and corruption. Have you tried chocolate buttons if she's does what you ask her?! Think of it like potty training maybe..... short term bribery for long term aquired behaviour. The fact that her behaviour is otherwise good suggests that maybe she doesn't quite 'get' the sensible walking thing and it needs to be really spelt out and rewarded.

Otherwise, follow my approach. Grin and bear it and then drink lots of wine the minute she's in bed!

Ds2 was cheerful but ran away, climbed everything in sight and was exhausting. He did get used to the reins harness before he could walk, so he was pretty good on them, but if ever I had a problem he was strapped tightly into the buggy and the protests were ignored. He soon got the message. I don't mean just with the buggy straps, but with the reins harness clips so he couldn't throw himself around.

It would be a pity if your dss got really resentful of her because of this, so it is worth a try.

I would try being firm and just setting boundaries before going out. If she refuses to get in the buggy I would and have done with my dd (2.7) years just scooping her up and putting her in without a word. When out if she runs about warn first if you dont hold my hand etc you are going in the buggy 2 if she does that again, tell her that she did not do as she was told running about etc and now she must go in the buggy, and just scoop her up and put her in.

I do not suffer fools gladly myself and am a horridfirm task master . I have told my dd from the outset what i expect of her and sometimes have resorted to rasiing my voice when she is being a little bugger. I hate that word 'fiercly independent' to describe basically brat bad behaviour. I love my dd dearly and always show her love and affection and tell her that i love her god 50 times a day but i believe in a firm and consistant approach.

When you say your going to do something, carry it though not just empty threats.

Glad it's not just me marmummy - I've caused many a wry samile, giving a tantruming ds a fireman's lift. It's especially humorous as I'm only 5' and he's rather tall for his age. Combined with a pg bump I must look a sight .

I found swapping from the buggy to a trike with parent handle worked wonders for DS. I could strap him on and still be in charge of where we went but he felt a little bit more independant and more of a 'big boy' cause he was on his bike.

Might be worth a try?

Thanks for your replies, it's encouraging just to know I'm not the only one whose dc is going bananas! Will def tray your suggestions - esp the chocolate button bribe as I think that could be a winner and it may make life a bit easier

If she's that bad I'd put her in the buggy in the house so you're not wrestling in the street, then let her out once you've dropped your older ones off - if she's behaved on the way there - or after the older ones are out of school and you've said hello to them and so on (and they've said hello and made a fuss of her, in the buggy). Then if she misbehaves once she's walking, straight back in the buggy again.

By doing that she gets the message that school drop-off and pick-up time is time for your older children, she gets her attention and fun afterwards. But keep her in the buggy for the drop-off/pick-up every day.

you have just made me remember the horrible terrible 2's
my dd was also so stubborn and independant and all I can say to you is it will pass and its worth sticking to your guns and have a glass of wine at the end of the day.
The other thing that really helped with my daughter at this age was a reward chart if she had a day where she got through without a tantrum then she got a sticker and has little rewards along the way like buttons or a special activity.

hope she grows out of it soon

Love the trike idea - going to try that with ds2.