to say something to my friends husbands mother?

[jumpingjosie]

Lonnnngggg story, alot of background but to cut it down ...

My friend (call her Jane) lives at home with her parents still with her husband and son.

The husband has alot of problems but is, I feel, a nice guy.

Friend often complains about him and has made him out to be a really bad guy sometimes.

We have an occasion to attend coming up. All of us which we are really oblidged to go to.

Friend was out with me and totally moaning about going, genuinly moaning the whole time that she can't be arsed going, doesn't want to stay over night, doesn't like the person the occasion is being held for ...

fine.

BUT the husbands mother was talking to my DH and saying 'Jane has told me how much she wants to go to this party and stay over but my son is being awkward and not letting them go...'

Now she has made it very clear to me SHE is the one who doesn't want to go, but has got on the phone and told her husbands mother that he is basically being controlling and not wanting to go / stay over.

His mother already worries alot and Im beginning to wonder how much of this is true when she comes to me and says 'DH is being arsey about XYZ... when i talk to him he says 'i have no problem with it.

Would you tell his mother that she told me SHE didn't want to go?

I would keep right out of it top be honest with you

You think?

Not even a casual conversation with his mother along the lines of

'oh Im really looking forward to next week, shame Jane isn't, she really made it clear she doesn't want to go!'

I just think its shit that she doesn't want to go herself but is making out that its her husband being all controlling and its himputting his foot down and telling his mother so when its not the case!

Agree with the namechanger, best to keep out of it.

keep out of it, you could make a big issue between them. if you say something its just stirring, not your place to do so. if you do then yabu

This is none of your business, keep out. Has it even occurred to you that maybe she has told the mil the truth but told you the lie, thinking that if she tells you agaim about his controlling behaviour you will probably blab it all over. The things she told you before - have you repeated them to your mutual friends by any chance?

noooooo keep your neb out!

I would keep out of it, not out of not caring but you would be making a judgement call that your friend is lying. Maybe she is to you ("I do not want to come") rather than to his mother ("he does not want me to go") there is very little way you have to know for sure where the truth actually lies and if she is actually lying to you, not her mil, you might make a difficult situation worse for her.

I think yabvvvvvu.

What goes on in their marriage is none of your business and if my "friend" did what you are thinking of doing she would not be my friend for much longer!

None of your business stay the heck out of it.

Besides, what is a husband for if not to blame when you don't want to go to something?

No, you'll only balls everything up if you try to say something. You can't really know what's going on. It's not really affecting you either way.

Agree with NorthenLurker She may be telling you a lie, Perhaps she doesn't want to admit he has put his foot down and won't let her go. So I really wouldn't say anything unless you know the facts.

You have no idea what is going on.

FWIW, my MIL used to be so bloody pushy and insistent that sometimes I was forced to say that dh did/didn't want to, in the hopes she'd take more notice of her son than of me.

Keep well out of this.

Perhaps if it were your friend mother then you may have a very very slight incling to stick your oar in... but your friends husbands mother? Now way! Butt out!

Noooo, step away from the domestic.... Back away while you can..!

buy a bag of peanuts and enjoy the show, but fgs don't get in the middle of it....

That has disaster written all over it.. they live in the same house remember...