to think that my dh and babysitter should make sitting arrangements between them?

[BadPoet]

We use a very lovely teenager to babysit sometimes. We now have a regular arrangement with her where she sits for ds for 2 hours every week while dh takes dd to swimming lessons (started mainly because otherwise ds would fall asleep in the car and would be hellish at bedtime but we're also quite keen for the kids to see her regularly).

This all happens while I am working. Every single week dh fails to contact her to confirm that she's sitting, and every single week she texts me to double check so I have to check with dh about when the class is (same day, often different time) and get back to her , whereupon she starts to chat via text with me while I'm trying to work and I get irritated

I suspect IABU, and should just get on with it. I suppose it's possible she finds him intimidating . What do you all think?

Thanks Mutt, I think

I'm not seething in silence, I have said to dh several times but he's disorganised and forgets. I haven't been very direct with babysitter (not sure how tbh), but said things like - 'best check with (dh), he knows the times etc' but every week she gets in touch with me.

I hadn't considered that she might think I wouldn't want her texting dh. I suppose this is possible. I really wouldn't mind!

Can you just text back "Do you mind texting him on XXXX number, lovie, I'm rushing to get ready for work and can't talk"?

Maybe she feels uncomfortable about texting him, as Mutt says. I don't know what teenage girls are like now, nut I think I would have found it a bit embarrasing to have contact with a grown man in this way (silly. I know) Maybe she's of a very traditional bent and assumes you are responsible for childcare. Maybe she assumes he's a bit useless.

Sort your DH out !!

Oh men, it drives me bloody mad. I think we are married to the same man. Why are they incapble of organising/remembering anything?

for the same reason that I women end up telling their DP/DH when their MIL's birthdays are. After Ex-DH and I split, I reminded him for a further 10 years re Mother's Day.

But Mutt is right - it's the road to madness, and you need to spell it out to the babysitter in the absence of your DH having a clue.

I used to do loads of babysitting as a teenager and tbh I would not have felt comfortable making arrangements through the fathers. I would have felt quite shy about doing that. Maybe thats why she approaches you. Is it really such a big deal?

How about reminding them when their own mother's birthday is?

embarassing that I can't spell embarrassing !

MOTB - the was because I thought your post was sarcastic. Wasn't it? I apologise if not. I didn't actually say that I hadn't asked them to sort it out between themselves. I have - on many occasions (very directly to dh who IS often useless and does forget) and more obliquely to the babysitter (along the lines that BOF suggested, EVERY week).

I can actually think of lots of reasons why she wouldn't approach dh, again as Jamieandhismagictorch(loved that programme ) and Sunfleurs have suggested. And I think the onus is on him to contact her first so she doesn't have to. I am not irritated at her, although the text chat leaves me baffled. I am an info-only texter but that's just my age.

I do actually remind dh when his mother's birthday is (OK, and generally buy gift and card) and sort out both mothers' and fathers' days. I suspect that organising babysitting now comes into the same category and like some of you have said, it's not such a big deal, he is useful in other ways! But I'd like to think IA not B entirely U by allowing myself some irritation with it before just getting on with it.

And messalina, it does indeed sound like we are married to the same man. Would you mind reminding him to sort out the babysitter? Ta

have you actually asked the girl to text/confirm with dh?

i would send a text next time she contacts you saying - "heres xxxx number, im not sure what time , ask dh"

or

kick dh and tell him not to be so useless and contact the babysitter each week, if need be to put a reminder on his phone/blackberry

i find it weird that the lesson time chnages each week, cant you ask /book the same time each week?

How do you know the babysitter? Maybe she feels that she is primarily your friend rather than your DH's, iyswim.

Organising childcare definately falls to me in our family - as does buying gifts for children's parties, collecting cardboard tubes for preschool, etc etc.

(I don't do anything about DH's familys birthdays though. Thats his job to forget.)

Blondes - yes, I always text back with something along those lines. I'd love to have the same time each week - it's just lately it's been jumping around due to the teacher's new schedule. It's a private 1-1 lesson in a local public pool. I shall kick dh and tell him Blondeshavemorefun said to do so. But really, what do you do when someone forgets, and forgets, and forgets regardless of phone reminders/calendars/diaries other than take it on yourself?

Fimble - she's a neighbour, so knows us both. I think I'm finding out that organising childcare falls to me too.

Thanks for all the replies

Could it be that your babysitter has sussed that your Dh is less organised and knows that the only way to get an answer - even if she does text your dh - is to ask you?