to think that if I say that I cannot afford to go on the xmas work do...

[fedupintheoffice]

...then they should leave me be ffs and believe me when I say it.

Each year, my small dept of 8 ladies arrange to go out for a meal at xmas time. lovely - except it's anything but. they use this whole time to slag off one of our colleagues, but i'm not that kind of person who enjoys slagging off other people, and as I know that at least 3 of them say really vicious things about me and another immediate colleague behind our backs, I really don't want to spend my (limited amount) of cash in the company of these bitches, having a meal I could easily make tastier at home.

I've told them I can't go because of finances being tight, which is true, but they're constantly saying "ooooh come along, don't be boring...", even the bitches (2-faced?!?!) and they don't seem to listen to the reason why I cannot or don't want to go. They really piss me off at times!

It does sound grim and I can see why you don't want to go, but it would probably have been more diplomatic to either claim to have a family party that night or have a strategic attack of explosive diarrhoea.

YANBU

Just stick to saying no regardless of what they say.

It does sound awful, don't waste your limited money having a night of hell with these women.

As SGB says you can always pull the sickie or family comitment card closer to the time to get them off your backs.

Thanks for your replies. If I pulled a sickie closer to the time, I will have to pay a deposit now, only about £5, but still a lot of money to lose when I don't have a lot. If I said I had a family commitment, they would all agree to move it to a different date to fit in with my plans.

Say you have changed your religion to one where you exist on celestial blessings and fasting for certain days (ie the day of the do). The obvious flaw with this plan is the fasting on that given day.

on your behalf. I don't know what you can do to shut them up (this is why I like working in male dominated teams, TBH - they would take the statement at face value and leave it at that) but could you try "look, DP and I have agreed no work do's this year as we can't afford them. I can't go back on it" ?

I'd be tempted to tell em the truth.

You can't stand the bitching they do .

Of course, then they'll bitch about what you said, but then again, they probably bitch about you anyway.

Go on, I dare you to tell em the truth!!!

i told my work no money for works do, and so money started getting taken from our tips to pay even though i have said Nope im not going as ill be on mat leave by then anyway!

ok - i have a standard response to work outings which I never go on as my limited budget is spent on other more fun things.
Its "Im so sorry, that would have been lovely but I dont have a babysitter. Husband is working late that night/in London/has his own works party etc".

Good luck!

When I'm asked out to a work do, I use the 'I'm sorry but I'm anti-social' excuse for not going, literally. Then I might also explain that I don't like going out to get plastered and its no fun watching everyone else getting drunk either.

All of this is true, but everyone thinks I am joking, and I must have another reason for not going. However they rarely press me for any further explanation.

I then repeat that 'I'm antisocial' fairly regularly, just so they get the message.

So now they think I'm slightly odd (I'm not bothered that they think that), and I don't get pestered anymore to go out drinking with them. Result.

YANBU, work dos are generally a pain, particularly if you have to pay for yourself.

Really feel for you, I do exactly the sme for all work dos, but blame lack of babysitters instead.

Am desperately searching for a job in an office where there is at least one man to keep the bitching to an acceptable level!!

If they press you, say you didn't like the atmosphere the previous time and would rather not spend your time with people whose idea of fun is to bitch about others behind their backs.

I sympathise - but you have to work with them and 'make pretty' but by saying you can't afford it (when you have been before) is also very transparent ...

Would a compromise be to say that you will join them for a drink before ??

I was told that I had to attend a works outing by my then line-manager, "because it's good for team-building". It wasn't a question of being considered a misery-guts, I was summoned to it.

So spending my meagre disposable income for that month, (single, had just bought a house - hardly anything spare) in the company of people I had to see all day as well as losing one of my precious weekend evenings at their insistence was good for working relationships how?

Don't go, children are hard work and getting out of things at short notice is a major perk

I feel for you TrickorNinks I had a similar Hobsons choice 2 years ago when I had the pleasure of getting up at 5.30am to take a 7 hour train to Birmingham for conference and Christmas do ( I refused to stay until 1.00am for the buses to pick us up and bring us back to the hotel as I was shattered) and then doing the whole thing in repeat the next day to get back.

I tried not to go but, despite the obvious childcare challenges it posed, was told that we had to go as the Managing Director would be very disappointed if anyone could not attend.

I like my team now and do make an effort to go out, but because I don't drink much for health reasons I tend to leave quite early and get the distinct impression I am being talked about when I'm not there.

I can't stand this pressure to go on work dos. I generally say no because I cannot really afford it and also because if I do want to go out and drink too much, I prefer to do so with my friends (the ones I harldy ever see, not the ones I share an office with, iyswim). My evenings out are few and far between (and precious as a result). In my previous job I was actually bollocked for declining various pub outings throughout the year - fortunately in my current job there are a lot of others in a similar boat to me so the pressure to be "one of the lads" isn't there.
I don't mind being all political correctness gorn mad on this at all - work events centred on boozing exclude people who cannot attend for religious, cultural or financial reasons or because of family/caring commitments. I actually think that the kind of situation described by TrickOrNinks quite possibly infringes some kind of enmployment/E&D law, and if it doesn't, then it should. Although quite what you do about it I have no idea...