to not let complete stanger at party to lift/play with my daughter?

[holybatsh1t]

not sure if this is the right place to post, but need some advice/reassurance. went to good friends party recently, lots of young families there. dh mingling, i was watching dd4 and ds2 playing in garden. was sitting away from them (on my own!) but keep steady eye and just chilling a bit. looked back and saw dd being encouraged to walk up a mans body, eventually resulting in legs on his shoulders....this freaked me out. i acted calmly, walked over and made an excuse about getting more cake! - he however, sought me out a few minutes later to apologise if he had offended me. was i right to be so suspicious? would your partners interact physically with children unknown to them?

What if it was a mother doing this with your son?

Would you have felt uneasy then?

YABU here, what is this world coming to where EVERYBODY is deemed to be a paedophile my goodness. This man was not doing anything wrong chill. My goodenss this maks me so mad, no i do not give my dd to all and sundry but are we living in a society where we cannot even look at a child without someone shouting PAEDOPHILE.

Would you feel the same if the individual had been a women? I think not. Its very sad that to assume any man interacting with a child is a Pedophile. This was a friends party not some random park.

Dh finds parties awkward because of things like this.
He always makes an effort to play with our 2 at parties, and often quite physically. Sometimes doing the walk up the body and spin over thing too, DS and DD love it.
He ALWAYS ends up with most of the rest of the children at the party coming up to him saying 'can you do that to me?' etc and nagging him. He doesn't like doing it with children he doees not know, because of the culture that has grown up that he must have some ulterior motive.
I think this is pretty sad.

No you weren't right to be suspicious.
Yes my dh would interact with children unknown to them at a party of friends...if the parents were around.
I would have gone over...only to make sure my child wasn't being a pain in the arse.
I can remember blokes (big kids really) who were in my parents circle of friends who used to do stuff like this...they were such fun!

look holybatch a party full of friends who know each other in which this man is a part of, and a stranger at a park completely different imo, this poor man. My dad used to do this to me and i used to sit on his shoulders totally innocent, YABVU

My dh does interact with people who he doesn't know, even more so at a party. He would be very pissed of if he thought that being kind to a child in a public place right in front of his friends and the childs friends/family would make people think that he wanted to have sex with them. This man obviously knew that you were thinking something bad about him or he wouldn't have apologised to you.

I don't think you are being unresonable actually. I wouldn't want any one i didn't know picking up or touching my kids. Not becasue I would assume are a weirdo or anything but becasue i don't know them. I suppose it is different if the child asked them to ? I don't particularly like people I don't know touching me either but not because I am assuming they want to attack me.

I think you are completely barking quite frankly. Do you really have so little faith in other people? This poor man was interacting with your child in a normal, healthy way and thanks to you he'll probably never dare speak to a child again.

What did you say when the man apologised?

(I'm cringing for him)

"Completely barking" is a bit strong.

You should not put your insecurities onto your child, thy may have wanted to play with this guy. When i was little there was a kindly old man who used to invite the kids in the cul de sac into his house and give them sweets, now this poor soul rest in peace would be branded a paedophile and would be the centre of gossip. Sad Sad Sad glad i grew up in a day and age where this was not as rife.

ffs. that's all I can add really

God what kind of neurotic parents are we turning into??? I think you are being VU and paranoid.

It's not just the men in this situation I feel sorry for. It's the children. They are being taught that other people are simply not trustworthy unless they have a state-sanctioned piece of paper and they are not being equipped to deal with normal human interaction. God knows what damage this is doing to the next generation of adults, I have no idea how they are going to interact with each other in the future.

I'm also interested to know what you said when the guy apologised ?

While I agree that this persons reaction in this situation was OTT. I think you are all being a bit mean. Its not like she said that she grabbed her kid and ran whilst giving him a dirty look or called him a child abuser.

YABU in my opinion, and I feel sympathy for this man. Nothing inappropriate about what he did, at a party surrounded by friends and familiar faces it is completely normal to interact with random children. What's he meant to do, turn his back on her? Hold hands up and back away?

I hope your reaction hasn't made your DD feel uncomfortable about playing with him. If you want her judgement to be sound as she grows then I would really think about the messages you are sending her -- eg that unfamiliar men are automatically a threat, even when mummy and daddy and their friends are all around watching you. The logical flip side of this would be what, that women are safer? That familiar men are safer? Things are not that black and white, obv.

i said that it was no big deal and went on to introduce myself and had small talk with the guy.

blimey

what did you think he was going to do to your daughter, in the full view of the other party goers and yourself too??

Fair enough MintyCane, but it's AIBU after all, and that's why there's a disclaimer ...

I know I just think this it OTT.

SO in the future when your child goes to a party you will tell her that she is only going there to interact with you and not with anybody else. In which case, might she not as well stay at home?