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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to let my daughter walk home from school

92 replies

mymotherisveryold · 03/10/2009 23:24

The school is about a mile and a half away. 25 mins walk.

My dd1 is in year 6 she is a very sensible little girl.

One day a week when my dh and I work we put our two small children in day nursery. Is it ok for dd1 to walk home from school, get a snack and then go to ballet.

When she gets back from ballet one of us will be back with her siblings and some dinner.

Or should I just get a nanny?

OP posts:

MarshaBrady · 04/10/2009 10:12

All the parks around here, SE London, are shut at dusk. So walking through them is not an option.

I definitely would not want to be left in a London park at dusk or night. I assumed it was general knowledge.

Do people who have dcs who play in the park at night live outside London?

As for walking home depends on the path taken.

KristinaM · 04/10/2009 10:34

well thats the thing anna, where we live the women are not all size 4, elegant and dressed in designer clothes but we have no "dealers, rapists and paedophiles" outside our school at dusk

cory · 04/10/2009 10:34

Anna, are you sure it is the other posters being naive, rather than you failing to take into account the differences between many parts of the UK and France?

I come from Sweden and tbh I find British people ridiculously overprotective of their dcs in most respects. But obviously, things are different.

In Scandinavia, you wouldn't consider yourself in need of after-school childcare for a 10yo: when my niece was that age a few years ago she used to walk home alone, do the shopping and start cooking supper before her mum got home- and she lived in a very caring and protective family; it's just that cultural expectations are different. My nephew (another family) disposed with childcare when he was 9 or 10; his parents were happy for him to walk home alone, fix his own tea and wait for 2 hours for his mum to come home. He preferred it this way, otherwise they wouldn't have done it.

And no, Scandinavia does not have high rates of child mortality, so presumably it is safe for Scandinavian parents to be this relaxed and they are not just being naive.

Flossytops · 04/10/2009 10:46

Great to see this thread as I've been thinking about this issue a LOT recently since my daughter started after school clubs (finishing at 4:30pm) which would mean two school pick ups. She's 9.5 and we live 5 mins from school in a town/suburban very safe area. The biggest danger is traffic on a couple of the most used routes. She cycles so what we are trying is this:

we have gone over a safe cycle route with her, making sure that she understands on a pavement pedestrians have right of way and she is to slow down and give them space, and if necessary get off her bike and walk around them (I don't trust her cycling skills on the road yet, but she is doing a course next Easter on road safety and cycling).

She has a helmet and a reflective yellow jacket that she must wear when cycling. Her safe route takes her on a little bit of a longer journey but takes her to a zebra crossing where she can cross the busiest road safely.

She is only allowed to do this for as long as it is still light outside, and when it gets dark I will have to make the two separate school runs.

I keep an eagle eye out for her as she comes close to our road which is the busiest traffic part of the route that she takes the zebra crossing for. I have also warned her as to what to do if she thinks she is being followed, and she knows she is not to talk to strangers or accept anything from them - help or 'gifts'.

I'm still not quite at ease about all this, but I do think at some point the apron strings have to be loosened a little, and she's loving the freedom it gives her. When she starts at secondary school she'll have to walk herself to school then (again another 5 mins walk! yay) as I can't be in two places at once with DD and DS.. so this is a bit of a primer. I've waffled, sorry.. interested in your opinions though

Flossytops · 04/10/2009 10:52

And Mymotherisvery old... as for your daughter... I would say it /could/ be okay but I would really consider making sure she has a pay as you go mobile phone so that she can phone you if she is ever worried or uncertain about anything on the walk back home - 25 mins walk is pushing it a little perhaps, but it could be okay. As for the walk to ballet... again I say it depends on how far away her ballet is. Your school might also require a letter saying that she is okay to walk home - our school is. Also you could get her a yellow reflective jacket so that she is more easily seen esp if she is to cross any roads along the way. Hope that helps!

sarah293 · 04/10/2009 11:25

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hotpotato11 · 04/10/2009 15:14

i think its fine in the daylight but not in the dark.

emmarussell · 04/10/2009 15:59

Think dusk is most dangerous time for traffic accidents but no evidence it is worse for crime (I worked as a psychologist in a trauma service so have some idea about the stats). When we lived in south London the biggest risk was older kids from neighbouring schools mugging younger ones and that was broad daylight. Child abuse etc. most likely to be by someone they know by far.

I think the best thing is for kids to walk home in groups when possible and this reduces any risk. I walked home in London albeit years ago, on my own from age 7 and I was fine. Hopefully there should be lollypop ladies/ men at crossings at that time of day. There were in south London, so they will be fine. All depends on how sensible the kid is. But I am all for giving independence to kids when they can handle it.

Clary · 04/10/2009 16:10

yes totally fine. DS1 is 10 and walks to school with a friend.

Is there a pal who could go some way with her if you are worried?

@ hando "at that age she shouldn't be left alone in the house" do what???

I actually thought bonsoiranna was being ironic in her post! ooops!

It's fine IMO if it's a specific time and there will deffo be people there when she gets home properly. I assume the gap between home and off to ballet is just 10 mins or so?

cat64 · 04/10/2009 21:36

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NannyBeth · 04/10/2009 23:40

I don't see a problem with this at all... My sister and I used to catch the train and walk home from when I was around 7 or 8 (she was 10 or 11). This involved a 5-10min walk school to train station, 20min train ride (all of this was done with our respective friends, then we would meet after train) then a 20-25min walk to home. We would then let ourselves in, get something to eat and entertain ourselves for an hour or so until my mother got home from work... never a problem! (if we forgot our keys or similar, we had good family friends around the rd whose house we would go to)

Before this (from my first yr of school at 4!) we would catch the school bus from outside the gate, be dropped off and walked home by another family friend (boy was same age as my sister, his sister was maybe 2yrs older, so only 7 or 8 when it started!) and would again, let ourselves in! Though, my mother would normally be home within 30mins if not earlier at this point.

Honestly, we never had any issues and this continued all the way through school. It only stopped when I got my licence as I would then drive!!

I don't have any children of my own yet, but I hope that any future children of mine will be able to do similar. I think its nice for kids to have that independence and know that you trust them enough to let them have it!

Original poster

mymotherisveryold · 06/10/2009 23:13

Thank you all for the posts, tomorrow is the day, I will let you know how she gets on.

My primary concern was what other people would think, whether it was legal, ss etc.

Thanks for putting my mind at ease on these points. As for the stranger danger drug dealers, they can't stop us following normal routines, it wouldn't be right.

OP posts:

LaurieFairyCake · 06/10/2009 23:26

I've posted on this before. DD is 11.6 and in year 7 and she is not allowed to have keys/be at home on her own for any amount of time. So that rules out her coming home to no adult.

She is fostered and in the care of SS (and me obviously).

She is eminently sensible and has no SN.

They say she may be allowed when she gets to 13/14.

boodleboot · 07/10/2009 16:55

definitely not if it is dark but totally fine for daylight

LisaD1 · 07/10/2009 18:00

I haven't read all the replies but am pleased to see this post. My DD1 is 9.8 and today I got her to walk to the end of the road from school so I didn't have to cart the kids out of the car in the rain, I felt really bad doing it (in that I thought other people would judge it as being out of order!), am really pleased to see others give their children responsibility too.

Original poster

mymotherisveryold · 07/10/2009 22:36

Hello,

She did it and was fine. She liked it and called me when she got home.

My mum picked up my toddlers from nursery a bit early and saw her off to ballet, and made her a jacket potato for when she came back.

We will give it a few more weeks to see if she still likes it and whether her brother and sister enjoy nursery a bit more, if not we will have a rethink.

Thank you for all your replies, I have found them all really useful and interesting.

OP posts:

Wallace · 08/10/2009 19:34

Well done

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