to threaten ds's school with getting the police involved

[elmofan]

hi , my ds has been getting bullied on/off for the last 3 years , we have lost count as to how many meeting we have had with his principle who keeps telling us that the boy involved is on his final warning ( this boy has already been expelled from 2 other schools) last year he beat up my ds (10) kicked ds in the head & face etc which triggered off migraines which eventually he had to have an MRI scan but everything was ok thankfully , ds came home from school upset yesterday & told me that this boy has told him that he is going " to get him again" after school on monday this boy is also telling another 2 boys in ds's class that he is going to "RAPE" them
dh & i are planning to go up to the head again on monday morning to let her know what is going on , i am sick of feeling like we are the ones who get fobbed off so would i be out of order to let her know that if my ds gets hurt again i will get the police involved ?

sorry just put dd to bed ds & i are sharing a big bag of maltesers comfort eating
pofaced - yes i told the principle this morning of how the bullies mother acted towards me but she didn't say any thing ,
realmedialemming - thanks but i really don't feel brave , i find confrontation very difficult tbh , i was shaking by the time i left the principles office , but poor ds has been through enough ,
brigitbigknickers - we really are so proud of ds , he's only 10 but he was able to tell the policewoman everything & answer all her questions , x

As a victim of bullying when I was a child, you must go to the police.

Your son needs to know that you will do anything to stand up for him and protect him.

Get some ice cream to go with it and a cuddle.

veritybrulee again thank you so much ,
ive have just checked out that link & filled in the survey on the helpline for bullying they plan to set up , i will phone them first thing in the morning ,
we have talked about ds moving schools & ds has agreed he wouldn't mind moving but the school he is in now is the best of a bad bunch tbh , its a 20 minutes drive away . there is a great secondary school closer to us but ds is only in 5th class so has 2 more years to go before secondary . x x

You are very welcome elmofan

I really feel for you and your ds. When ds2 was in junior infants he had a dreadful time with a horrible teacher, I spent a year talking to the teacher and the principal repeatedly, but nothing changed. A lot of other parents were also unhappy, but we were powerless. In the end we moved ds2 to a private school as en emergency measure, then got ds1 out of the same school and into a fantastic Educate Together school, and eventually a place became available for ds2. It was the most stressful time of my life, I felt like I was sending my sweet little boy into a lions den every morning.

The children are really happy now, the whole attitude in the ET school is so different. The new school involves a 1 hour round trip twice a day but it is SOOO worth it.

The awful thing is, that when ds1 left the first school, his friend was being bullied, and his parents had been to see the principal. That was in second class. Evetually this summer. before he went into 5th class his parents moved him as they knew nothing would ever change.

I find it so frustrating that parents have so little power and that principals can be worse than useless.

Well done to you for sticking up for your boy. Let us know what the NPC say, I hope they can help you.

to hear you have gone through similar problems , glad that your ds's are happy now , you definitely made the right decision , in ds's school we are asked to make a voluntary donation of ?120+ a year , i know where i feel like telling them to stick it this year , ill post again in the morning after i speak to the NPC , thanks again x going to log off now have a headache , x x

elmo, can i just reiterate that i'm now out of the loop on these things & not an 'expert' to be relied upon, though i will be v sympathetic. also, you're in ireland so rules will be different. (unless n ireland)

it really p*es me off when people don't stand up to bullies. the vast majority back off so fast once they realise that someone won't put up with them. but give them someone who just molly-coddles them it's like giving them a green light. yes, the parents prob do need help to change their son, BUT you need help to support your son, too & the school shouldn't be taking sides. Nor should the head be repeating details of a confidential discussion with another parent. It is highly unprofessional.

Sounds like the head's falling for the same line as the mother, this precious little boy is just confused/misunderstood. give him another chance & he'll magically change all by himself. Sorry, but he isn't growing up & changing, he needs direction & guidance. and giving in to him, instead of showing him the way to behave actually damages him as much as any of his victims. cos sooner or later, someone will stand up to him, and the later in life he learns that lesson, the harder it will be.

and tbh, so what if his parents are struggling? you & your son are victims of a crime & shuld not have to deal with the emotional baggage of the bully & his family. the head sounds really weak in how she's dealing with this. it is possible to support both families, without sending out the wrong message.

he is now of the age to have criminal liability (in the UK). if this goes further, he could end with a record. surely the head should be stepping in to stop him before this happens? not just saying nice things to his mum & watch him get into ever deeper trouble?

shall get off my soap box now & try to find my inner lefty liberal bleeding heart self.

Elmo, please just take him out of that shit school. What they are doing is horrifying, and I don't understand why you're risking sending him there for any more days than you have to.

You can either find another school for him, or home educate him for a couple of years until secondary school. Isn't his life now more important than waiting to see what the principle does (or doesn't) do? You've waited too long already IMO and she clearly is going to do nothing.

Get him out of that school and out of danger. I'm in tears reading about what he's having to go through - all that fear every single day . Is it really worth it?

thanks kickassangel - i appreciate your point of view , it helps to have a teachers unbiased opinion iykwim , part of me feels sorry for this boys parents tbh but i also feel very angry that they cant sort him out , we spoke to ds yesterday about changing schools & he said he wouldn't mind too much but an hour later when i went up to his room to tell him dinner was ready he was crying he then said that he would miss his friends etc , so we are torn about what to do for the best & the school he is in now really has a very good reputation educationally wise , we moved house to get him into this school , the only other school near us is very rough ,
we are hoping that between the school & the police we can get this boy to back off , or the way this boy is threatening to rape other boys i am hoping he wont be kept on in this school for much longer ,
other than this 1 boy ds is very happy with his school , the teachers are great . ds surprised me this morning he was up at 7.15am & was dressed & having his breakfast by the time i got dd up , he was in great form ,
flamingobingo - i know what you mean & it breaks my heart to know what ds has to put up with , but he has assured us he is not afraid , if he was there is no-way i would send him in there , i pick ds up from school everyday , the only chance the bully has to get ds now is coming down the long avenue , but i am going to stand at the bottom of that road & watch out for ds as he comes down , he doesn't want me to walk up to meet him as he is at that age of having mum there is embaressing .
i am going to phone that number verity gave me now & hopefully ill get more advice . thanks x x

Elmofan, how did you get on?

Could you get together with some of the other parents whose dc are being bullied, it would be great to have a bit of support. They probably feel as caught by the situation as you, you might all feel more powerful if you could act together.

hi verity - i rang the NPC & they have advised me that i have a long tough battle ahead but they reckon the school is in breach of their anti bullying policy & i now have to find out who the chairperson of the BOM is & then send him a letter outlining all the incidents my ds has gone through & list the action taken by the schools principle then send a copy of that letter to the parents rep of the bom , so i am going to ask around when i pick up ds & see if anyone knows who the chairperson is , also my ds told me this morning that his male teacher has been rapping him on the head with his knuckles & asking " did i hurt you "? when ds says "no" teacher says " good" ds has been diagnosed with migraines last year so i don't like the thoughts of this at all .

Well done elmo. If you are now going to start letter-writing to sort things out then just a wee tip - spell it "principal" not "principle" - it will make your letter come across better.

rubbish at spellings , must start to use spell check

at the teachers behaviour. As if your ds didn't have enough to put up with. That is really disgraceful, you must tell the principal about this, it all adds up to the fact that she is not in control of the school.

Do you have a parents association? Then there will be an assoc rep for each class, a parent in your ds class who should be able to find out who is on the BOM. If it's a catholic school the chairperson of the BOM is usually the parish priest.

What is your gut instinct here Elmofan, do you think things are going to change after this long? You need to be realistic, because IME, it is very difficult to get a BOM and principal to admit they are in the wrong.

Is there a CoI school in the area, they tend to be small and may have places available, or other any options you could consider. Are you in a city?

Elmofan! & at the teacher's awful behaviour, I just can't imagine doing this, ever, to a pupil, and on top of everything else as well. I, or rather dh, would be having a measured word with that teacher just so we're clear about events.

Just wish we were nearer. I have lent out dh on occasion.

WTH! Elmofan, my ds went to a school and a lot of the children there were very unhappy. The parents didn't know what to do and would end up taking their child away or sticking with it. The teachers bullied me by saying things like "you are obviously not parenting your ds properly", or "if you take your ds out of this school, you won't find a place for him anywhere and we have the right not to accept him back here"! I was frustrated and low at all of this. Ds was only 6yrs old at the time and he started there at age 4. So I thought enough was enough when he said he was going to kill himself if he went back there again.

Managed to get ds in better school where they recognised that he was on the autistic spectrum and got him all the help he needed. They treated all the children as individuals not like first school where they would make a child stand up in assembly and made an example of for wearing wrong shoes or forgetting their homework. And these teachers didn't shout at or throw things at the children either. This new school was not a prison. And the kids were happier for it.

If those teachers at your ds's school behave like that, rapping children on the head, I'm sorry that is abuse. They obviously do not like their job and have no busines being around educating your child. Report them to the LEA and the will investigate. Also it is the parents who decide how the school is run not the teachers. So get the School
Governors involved or complain to them. Parents need to stand up to these teachers who think they know better. You know your child better than anyone one else.

Okay...that was my rant for the day, felt good. Let us know what happens. Verity is right about CoI schools, well worth looking into and also check out www.ace-ed.org.uk/ it can help you through your complaints procedures and tell you what your rights are.

hi everyone , just logged back on , ds had a half day today & dh had the day off work so we took the dc's out for a treat & then they had their tea in their grandparents house ds had a good day today thank god ,
veritybrulee - yes its a catholic school & the npc told me the chairperson is likely to be the parish priest & the npc reckons that if he is then he most likely wont bother to do anything if we send him a letter
but the minute ds receives any more threats ill ask that police woman we spoke to yesterday to get involved ,
heated - lol would love you or your dh on board , i have told my dh that he needs to talk to ds's teacher mam to man iykwim , actually dh took ds to school this morning &was coaching ds as to what to say if the teacher tries to knuckle his head , ds told us at home time the the teacher didn't do it to him today as when he got close enough ds said " actually teacher that does hurt " his teacher just turned away , lol would love to have seen the teachers face .

realmedialemming - thats terrible your poor lo ,
i have spoken to a couple of mothers at ds's school today & have found out that 3 children have changed school this year due to bullying , so its not just my ds .
going to put dd to bed , will check back later , x x

I would have thought a catholic school would take accusations of bullying and abuse - in whatever form - seriously in the current climate....

Having done a bit of digging, if you don't get any joy with the BoM, why not go a level up and complain to the CPSMA as they would seem to be the main body which runs the catholic schools.

thanks weblette for that link i have check it out
everyone on this thread has been so helpful
hopefully the parish priest will take it seriously but i am going to send a copy of his letter to the parents rep of the bom as well just to cover our backs & make sure the priest & the principal don't just throw the letter in the bin , i have been informed that the parents reps usually hold meetings with the school so hopefully our case will be brought up . thanks again x

I've only just come across this thread - so many apologies for coming in late but WTF!!! This is so outrageous in so many different ways. All I could think of when reading this thread was the recent crime in England where a couple of 11 yr old boys sexually assaulted younger boys, as well as physically assaulting them in the most horrific of ways.

The crime was met with disbelief - but this bully surely has great potential to go down the same route with his threats of rape?

I am truly truly shocked by all of this - and how commonplace it appears on the thread - but one thing is for sure, I would not be giving any of these teachers the benefit of the doubt or time to sort it out and I would be making a huge case about it with the police and indeed, perhaps the Irish version of social services?

I realise this probably doesn't help you much at all Elmofan - so sorry, but I couldn't just read all of this and not post. I'm absolutely furious on your behalf. Sending you cyber strength - if possible!

thanks imogengladheart
we have a parent/teacher meeting coming up this month & dh is planning on telling ds teacher to keep his hands to himself , feel sorry for ds as it felt on monday that he was getting grief from every angle , but he was much happier coming out of school yesterday so fingers crossed ,

thanks cantthinkoffunnyname - i feel like i need that cyber strength more than i can say ,
yes i heard on the news about those 11yr old boys & felt sick to my stomach that at that young age children could be so sadistic then when i heard my ds's bully threatened to " rape" two other boys in his class i wondered did he also hear about those boys , maybe that is where he is getting it from , who knows ,

Isn't it illegal fro teachers to hit children? Or am I missing something?

The schools seems like a hell hole. Your poor DS.