to threaten ds's school with getting the police involved

[elmofan]

hi , my ds has been getting bullied on/off for the last 3 years , we have lost count as to how many meeting we have had with his principle who keeps telling us that the boy involved is on his final warning ( this boy has already been expelled from 2 other schools) last year he beat up my ds (10) kicked ds in the head & face etc which triggered off migraines which eventually he had to have an MRI scan but everything was ok thankfully , ds came home from school upset yesterday & told me that this boy has told him that he is going " to get him again" after school on monday this boy is also telling another 2 boys in ds's class that he is going to "RAPE" them
dh & i are planning to go up to the head again on monday morning to let her know what is going on , i am sick of feeling like we are the ones who get fobbed off so would i be out of order to let her know that if my ds gets hurt again i will get the police involved ?

Let me get this straight, it's acknowledged by the school and the boy's parents that he's said this to your son and he's still at school?

All they suggested was keeping your son in later? Completely unbelievable. You must have the patience of a saint.

Don't speak to the mother, get on to the education board asap, ditto the police. Adults making death threats are taken very seriously, this boy should be too.

I agree, DON"T talk to the boys mum, in the long term you may need a record that you have gone to the correct channels. DO go to the police though, get this all on official record.

I may have picked this up wrongly, but from what you said to Maggie, are you in Ireland?
If so, you need to go to the Board of Management as the Principle is failing you. If you go to the Dept of Ed, they will tell you to go to BoM, then if you get no-where with them, go to the Dept.

TBH, I know 2 families who moved dc from one particular school, as their dc were being bullied by different children. They went through the official chennels, but in both cases got no-where.

Good lck, hope your ds is ok today.

They have really got the perspective wrong even on minor details - after all, who should it be held back after school?! What if he turns his attentions to other pupils - they going to hold back half the class?

They have a duty of care to ensure your ds' and other pupils' safety. It just isn't good enough. Threats and acts of violence against other pupils should mean the removal of the instigator of those threats - whether that means he is educated with a TA, the Head or in a PRU. I just don't know any school - mine included - who would think this were acceptable. Maybe it's different at primary? But I suspect not.

sorry to have posted & run but had to pick ds up from school then took him to local police station , the police were very good with ds & we are so proud of ds & he was able to tell them everything himself he is upset today also as his best friend in school has left & gone to another school also because of bullying , the police have notes now on everything & we have agreed to wait & see how the school handles things but if anything else happens we can call the police woman who we spoke to today & she will deal with things then ,
decided not to speak with the bullies mum as it got me no-where the last time , but feel very angry & upset that the parents of the bully & the school principle all knew about the threats to beat my ds up & none of them contacted me , i only found out by chance as a friends child told her mum who then rang me on thursday evening to say that her child overheard my ds getting threatened . maybe the school where hoping i wouldn't find out at all therefore they could sweep it under the carpet so to speak .
yes veritybrulee we live in ireland .
haven't a clue who the BOM is , have to find all this out not sure how though without having to ask the principle ,
yes thats right weblette - sickening isn't it , & now the principle is telling me her heart goes out to the bullies parents as they are having a hard time trying to control their ds no mention of what my ds is going through .
heated i agree , it feels like my ds is being made to feel like he has done something wrong by being kept back instead of the bully , i told the principle no-way was ds to be held back & made feel like he is being punished . am so fed up & angry with them all .
thanks for baring with me , this is helping me to get my head straight x x

It is difficult to give up yes. But not as difficult as, say, studying for your A levels or abseiling. It is even more difficult in very stressful situations. But it is never impossible. I don't think banning smoking from public places like bus stops and pub gardens will force them inside. And if smokers really are more willing to smoke inside next to their own children and babies [and many are, I've seen them] than to give up, well, the alternative is not to allow them to smoke in public places over other vulnerable people, the alternative is to provide better support to give up and better incentives/motivations [eg for those on benefits]

podfacedandproud - you've lost me

Aaargh! sorry wrong thread.

As for this thread, definitely get the police involved.

I think just go to the police, report the incident, and let them deal with it. If the bully's parents are refusing to step in (apart from telling the school) and then getting all uppity when you complain about her son, maybe a visit from the police might help give them the perspective they need

What I did was first contact the police to check they would investigate if asked. They were actually very keen!

I them spoke to the head and said that unless I was satisfied with the schools response then I would make a police complaint without further notice.

The head was then able to use the threat of police involvement to get co-operation from the parents of the bully to serious sanctions. For the first time the parents took the matter seriously.

Result? No more bullying, and our relationship with the school even better than before.

I don't see the point in holding your son back, rather than the bully, surely he could just wait around until your son came out.

If they kept him back then your son could get a head start home.

Also agree with you that your son shouldn't be punished for being a victim.

thanks - phoebeophelia , yes the police have said they will get involved if we want them too but have advised us to give the principle another chance to sort out the bully , but if she cant then the policewoman has given us her name & badge number so we can ask for her if we need her help , the principle says that the bullies parents are very happy to co-operate with the school & are having a hard time . she says the mother is in floods of tears yet she was not in tears last year talking to me , she was very aggressive tbh.
bruffin- her idea of keeping ds back after school is i could then drive up to the school to collect him rather than him having to walk down a long avenue to the car park where the parents are meant to wait . but i dont see why ds should be the 1 held back , when the bully yet again gets away scot free . who'd be a victim ehh

Elmofan, you need to write a formal complaint addressed to
The Chair of The BOM,
XYZ School,
Co Whatever.

Document all the incidents over the years, the contact you have had with the principal, contact with the police, etc.

Then it's up to the BOM and the principal to deal with the matter, the BOM may not even know this is going on, but they should.

AFAIK, it is VERY difficult to remove a bully from a school, which is why so many good children end up moving schools when they have done nothing wrong

i'm quite angry about this now.

OF COURSE the bully should be kept back, not your son. your son has a right to live a normal life, without special treatment. also, there's nothing to stop the bully getting out first, then hanging around to see if he can cause trouble.

tell the head she is protecting the bully, and perhaps mention how aggressive the parents were to you, it may switch her sympathies

thanks veritybrulee , you have been very helpful , ds has told me that the principle did not even talk to the bully today & when i asked her why she told me she was happy to let his teacher deal with things , also ds's teacher gave out to ds over me writing the letter , he told ds that its dealt with now & to stop going on about it
ds has been in tears a few times today , he says that he thought he got into more trouble than the bully .
thanks again x x

I am horrified. Phone the police

kickassangel , thanks for coming back on was hoping for your advice as im sure you have come across many disturbed kids , after last year the principle asked me to speak to the bullies mother & see if i could get her onside , but in the end the mother approached me all guns blazing & we haven't spoken since . the mother told me i was going to get her pfb kicked out of the school etc & i told her last year that the school would be the least of her worries if her ds touched my ds again , meaning i would go the police , since then she has made out like she is hard done by & her or her dh cant control their ds & now the principle seems to feel very sorry for them , we feel we are banging our heads against a brick wall at this stage .

I'm really shocked that they are keeping youor son back not the bully - it sounds as if the mother is manipulating the principle tbh.

no pofaced , i told the principle that she was not to keep ds back as it would make ds feel like he was being punished & he has done nothing wrong , x

i would tell her how aggressive the mother has been to you.

elmofanI am dumbfounded by this little sht's mother saying YOU* would be responsible if her son was kicked out of school! WTF?

Does she have no responsibility in this matter? Who's fault is it that he can't be controlled? No wonder he is such a nasty piece of work with such hopeless parents.

Your poor DS what a miserable time for him and you- you must be very proud of him having the guts to talk to the police. Hope the situation is resolved very soon.

I think what you have done so far is very brave. To help things along get the LEA involved also by reporting the school to them and writing to BOM. This will help cover all the bases for any complaints you've made and show that you the parent have the right to ask for better support and education for your ds. I'm guessing that you ds's best ds was moved from school becoz parents were being fobbed off by school staff. Don't let them threaten you or make you feel stupid because you do not understand the system. Some teacher's don't like giving themselves extra work or added hassel. Chin up. You're doing the right thing. If you need extra support on the matter, find other parents at the school going through the same issues and get them involved in combatting bullying in school.

Hi i was just wounding if some one could tell me what BOM stood for please?

Elmofan, I'd really advise that you ring the National Parents Council, 01 8874477 tomorrow from 10am. They have given me great advice in the past and will talk you through your options.

It is dreadful to hear what your ds is suffering, but TBH I'm not surprised. You are going to have to be really tough with the school, follow up with the police, threaten the BoM that you will involve your solicitor if they do not protect your child and deal effectively with the bully.

Is there any possibility that you could move your ds to another school? I know that it's not fair to have to do that when he has done nothing wrong, but it may be your only option to get him away from this boy.