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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to hate weekends?

16 replies

Parmageddon · 03/10/2009 11:22

I've run out of ideas of what to do at weekends. Dd1 (10) is really resistant to going out or doing anything fun, just wants to mooch around the house on the computer or reading etc, dd2 (8) has severe learning disabilities and needs constant interaction otherwise she gets whingy and dp (their stepfather) wants to do his own thing - goes to a sport course on Sat morning, often spends most of the weekend doing his own thing (hobbies etc). I just get so bored!!

Their dad doesn't have time to see them more than once a month and I don't have any friends in this area who have kids, so we can't really meet up at weekends!

I just hate weekends which is really sad as it should be fun, family time. It seems like no one else in this family is interested in that sort of thing! Any ideas on how to improve things???

OP posts:

elmofan · 03/10/2009 11:47

hi , parmageddon , no advice just wanted to say your not alone , im bored too , dh is working all weekend , ds (10) cant go out to play as its raining here & dd (3) is sick , is there any way you could grab a few minutes to yourself when your dp gets home ?

Original poster

Parmageddon · 03/10/2009 12:14

Yes I guess so, it's just really frustrating isn't it?! I think if dd1 was more keen to do stuff, then it would be better. Also I wish dp tried to take on more of a dad role, he still seems to be stuck in a bachelor mindset in some ways!

OP posts:

elmofan · 03/10/2009 12:19

ha im with dh 17yrs , we have 2 dc's & i still have to remind him sometimes he is not a bachelor , men eh
have you told your dp you would like him to be more involved with your dd's ? honestly you need to spell things out to them sometimes

Hando · 03/10/2009 12:21

Parmageddon, I think it must be unbelieveably hard for a man to take on a "dad role" without actually being the childs dad - especially if they have had many years of bachelordom beforehand. Unless of course you have been together since the children were very young or for a long time. I guess I feel it must take a long time to adapt?

Original poster

Parmageddon · 03/10/2009 12:28

I think you're right, it just doesn't seem to be a comfortable role for him. He has no children of his own and we have only been together 3.5 years. Also his own Dad wasn't very involved at all and left when dp was about 8 ish, so he doesn't have anything to base fatherhood on. Perhaps I am expecting too much!

OP posts:

bigchris · 03/10/2009 12:31

could dd2 go to any clubs etc on the weekend? does dp do his hobbies at home? if yes i'd be tempted to go out with dd2 and leave the other two to it!

elmofan · 03/10/2009 12:32

do your dd's think of him as a father figure iykwim , my dh father was useless too & i definitely think it has a huge influence on dh's fathering skills sometimes .

Hando · 03/10/2009 12:36

I thinkit depends on the man (or woman of course) that is coming into a ready made family. My dp and I have been together for 1.5 yrs and I have a 5 yr old dd. She loves him to bits, he is great and often arranges / suggests nice family days out, trips to the parks etc. But I know it will take many years for him to get used to being "a family" rather than just a couple. I would love us all to live together in the next couple of years but I know that even then he will not take on the sort of role her father had done. So yes, after 3.5 years I do think that you are expecting a little too much.

Perhaps you could arrange days ou which involve you all to start with?

Or try and join a local club for yourself in the evenings when the dc are in bed, that way he can "babysit" and you can get out and meet some new people. Or join the pta at school - great way to meet new people, our pta meet in the evenings after dc are in bed.

Original poster

Parmageddon · 03/10/2009 12:37

No, I don't think they look on him as a father figure, more like Mum's boyfriend! It's a bit of shame really, but it seems like it's too late for that to change now.

I agree with you bigchris, I am often tempted to just leave the lazy ones at home and clear off with dd2!! In fact, I might just do that this afternoon....

OP posts:

Boys2mam · 03/10/2009 12:39

I think DP needs to kick up the arse tbh.

He met you and stayed with you knowing you had kids so should make far more of an effort. Doing his own thing is fair enough but not all weekend.

I would set aside one part of the weekend as dedicated family time, even just one morning or afternoon; organise something, tell them what they're doing and thats it. I'm sure they'll all love it and the relationship between DC's and DP will surely improve.

Original poster

Parmageddon · 03/10/2009 12:43

Thanks hando, I guess I should be pleased that he is here and that he accepts my children in the first place. Lots of men would have run a mile when they found out I had a disabled child. He is very easy-going and relaxed, so that is great.

You're right, I need to be more pro-active and arrange things myself. Dp has even said that himself anyway, he would come out with us if I thought up what to do! I'm thinking of going to dd2's pta, haven't been able to until recently due to work as it is in the daytime.

OP posts:

Hando · 03/10/2009 12:44

Parmageddon, I don't think it;s too late to chnge that! However, you can suddenly start making your Dp take the kids out on his own if he hasn't before. Some people just find it hard to "parent" other peoples children. Loving you and loving your children is much different to being a father figure for them. If they had been younger 2/3 perhaps it'd be a little different.

As I said, my DP is a fantastic man, great partner and really great with my dd but I think it will be a long time yet before I expect him to do "fatherly things" such as jump out of bed in the middle of the night if dd is puking, change bedsheets if she'd had an accident etc. I think he would, but he wouldn't think to do it if that makes sense.

Your son at 10 is old enough to potter around the house alone whilst DP is in the house, so clear off with your youngest and have a few hours out! Perhaps Ds and Dp may have some time to bond too!

Original poster

Parmageddon · 03/10/2009 12:44

Agree boys2mam, good idea - I just need to find something that everyone will agree to do !

OP posts:

Boys2mam · 03/10/2009 16:27

I've just been on a mission and a half trying to entertain my squad - I forgot our local football team were playing at home so a visit to the museum was scuppered as we were unable to park.

I know how hard it is to please everyone, take turns each week tailoring the outing to an individual, as they get more into the idea of the day out they may start suggesting things!!

Original poster

Parmageddon · 03/10/2009 17:29

Sounds good, I have already suggested this today - dd1 is not entirely happy, however I will work on it!

OP posts:

girlsyearapart · 03/10/2009 17:43

same here.

Everyone else looks forward to the weekend every single sodding facebook status from Thursday on is about the weekend..

But I hate them!

My DH works late Thurs, Fri and Sat comes home in middle of each night and sleeps till middle of next day.

No playgroups or anything on for the dds.

All my other friends with kids are there with their dhs or having time to themselves.
I go to the swings and it's full of Dads.

If I want to go out I have to arrange a sitter/not drink too much/come home early/get up with the dds in the night and early in the morning.

Grrr hate the weekends- honestly thought I was the only one who looked forward to Monday.

Rant over

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