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Original poster

why the fuck is she messaging me still???

96 replies

TheLadyEvenstar · 02/10/2009 23:41

my exes g'f has been messaging me on FB asking when ds1's wanker sperm donor father is going to be able to see him. as she has to make sure her kids are prepared for the journey.

1- what the heck has it got to do with her?
2- DS1 has seen his father ONCE in 4 years
3- EX has never been interested until he picked up with this woman and her 4 kids
4- she is getting on my tits big time now!
5- she has requested ds1's friendship on FB 12 times now and I keep declining it
6- why can't she leave us the feck alone???

sorry am peed off!!!!!

OP posts:
JodieO · 05/10/2009 12:00

Glad you know what I meant! It's difficult isn't it and the situation does sound rather bizaare. Hopefully your ds will be able to understand what's going on and I hope he isn't too hurt by it all. I can't get over the way his father spoke to him!

Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 05/10/2009 12:01

Jodie, he will understand but he shouldn't have to he is still a baby...he only turned 11 in july.

OP posts:
JodieO · 05/10/2009 12:05

I totally agree, it's horrible for him. I think it's more of a damage limitation for him now unless things can be sorted out. Is there any compromise that you could all come to? I know it shouldn't be necessary but for your son's sake. Maybe she and her children travel with your ex but only the ex visits with your son? I'm not sure what else that be done as he seems so reluctant to go on his own (ex that is, not your ds).

SolidGhoulBrass · 05/10/2009 12:11

I rather wonder if this wretched man is basically carrying on like this because he wants to rub the OP's nose in the fact that he HAS A GF! I may be off beam but I have occasionally encountered people who make a huge big deal out of forcing everyone else to accept a new partner, with a particular emphasis on making an XP acknowledge and be warmly welcoming, even deferential to the new partner. It's a nasty little behavioural trait, saying to an XP - you must witness that my new partner is more special than you are, and you have to admit it, and accept him/her and I am really going to force this issue.

Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 05/10/2009 12:20

SGB, he has always said he will never be happy without me....shame that should have thought when he raised his fist to me shouldn't he.

I have been with dp for 4 yrs now and really don't care if ex-p has a frigging monkey as a g'f lol ....

OP posts:
ErikaMaye · 05/10/2009 12:31

Just thought I'd say - Fuckwit.

Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 05/10/2009 12:32

Erika well said lol

OP posts:
Mermaidspam · 05/10/2009 12:58

What a knob. If you need anything to calm you Ladyevenstar, just think of your ds and how proud you should be at his maturity and sense. You've obviously done a very good job with him.

Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 05/10/2009 12:59

Mermaid you know when i think how mature he is and sensible it makes me sad that he has grown up so fast over this...he should not be facing conversations like this

OP posts:
Mermaidspam · 05/10/2009 13:05

I know, it shouldn't be like this but you are lucky he is handling it as well as he seems to be from your OP.
(Hope that sounds right - don't mean to patronise/offend, just trying to find the good in the situation IYSWIM)

Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 05/10/2009 13:09

I understand, I just wish i could wave a wand and stop it!

OP posts:
ErikaMaye · 05/10/2009 13:09

Your DS sounds like a fantastic lad with his head screwed firmly in the best position. And while he shouldn't be facing them he is handling it with dignity - a hell of a lot more than his supposed father is.

Monsterspam · 05/10/2009 13:11

I wish you could too ((un-mumsnetty hugs))

Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 05/10/2009 14:44

You lot ready for this????

DS1 05 October at 11:05
Ben? I asked you are you giving me a choice to stay with you or not see you?

Lisa 05 October at 14:07
Yes I am, I have a life as well as you , dont tell me that G see's his other child or children but does not get to spend more than an hour with them, I have a life if you want to be part of it you are more than welcome, if not then just be happy with the life you have now, according to you it is a great life so be happy.

I would like to see you but if you or your Mum cant meet me half way then forget it, as I said when you are older I will explain to you exactly what went on with my seeing you when you were younger, and how difficult it was to continue, I am not saying I am right or did the right thing, I did what I thought to be the best thing at the time.

If you want us to have a relationship then it must be right for me too, and that means you visit me at my home and become part of the family here, if you dont want that as I said you must get on with your own life. Hate me if you must but it is a shame.

One minute you send me a text saying can I come and see you, the next and all you ever say is that I am not your Dad!! You cant have it all ways life is not like that.

If you want to see me come and stay!

DS1 05 October at 14:14
you say it was difficult i was a little boy when you and mummy split up for things that don't concern me. Mummy has said i can stay if I want but I don't want to. I do not know you or your "family" yet you want me to stay in your home when you cannot even come and see me.

Dad see's his son for as long as possible sometimes we have literally gone and had a burger with him and come home. so yes he does see him for a short while.

You had the chance to live with nanna and grandad so you could see me, but you decided not to. i suppose that was someone elses fault as well?

I need to go back to working now but can be back on in about 10 minutes when the teacher goes.

SO CAN I TAKE THAT TO A SOLICITOR AND GET ANYTHING DONE?

OP posts:
ErikaMaye · 05/10/2009 15:00

Am very annoyed on your behalf right now... Your poor DS.

groundhogs · 05/10/2009 15:07

As seething as you are, you should be ver so proud of your little man... WOW!

What do you WANT a solicitor to do LadyE?

Your Ex is a sod.. I'm beginning to wonder if the GF may be so insecure about your relationship with ExH that she's the one saying it has to be on her territory???? and he's so spineless that he can't negotitate anything else? Maybe she doesn't trust him..on the face of it, that wouldn't be too hard a concept to grab would it?

I think you are going to have to chat with that little man of yours (my heart swells to think of him and his maturity, you've done a blinding job there LadyE!!) if he's ok to chat with you about it all just yet and get his decision, play devils advocate with him if you have to, to make sure he's sure, then deliver his final request.

Then, he's going to have to delete the FB account. No further direct contact with ExH, conversations like that have to be between his parents, he should not be forced into dialogue like that whenever his dad can find the time in his life to be bothered. Otherwise it could end up doing damage.

Can your son divorce himself from his father? or does he have to be of a certain age? Poor little man..

Wishing I could give you both a great big unmumsnetty RL hug!

AvengingGerbil · 05/10/2009 15:13

LadyE that's just heartbreaking. Nothing helpful to suggest, except that I'd keep a copy of these conversations in case the ex ever tries to claim that it is you preventing your DS from seeing him.

Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 05/10/2009 15:26

I just don't know what to say to him when he gets home love him

OP posts:
Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 05/10/2009 15:27

GH I don't know i just really want to kick shit out of him, this is my little boy he is fucking with...sorry for language! nobody upon nobody is going to do this to my baby, I tell you i will deal with this.... as fook

OP posts:
Katisha · 05/10/2009 15:30

I think the first think is to sever the Facebook link.

your ex is hiding behind it. Sometimes I really do think FB and texting cause more trouble than good.

Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 05/10/2009 15:32

Katisha, he initially got the account because it was only way he had any contact with the wanker. then he deleted ds1 off his friends and ds1 now has a load of school friends on it, it would be cruel to take that away when he has done nothing wrong...

OP posts:
Katisha · 05/10/2009 15:39

Yes you are right.
Could you just block the ex?

groundhogs · 05/10/2009 15:47

Think the FB thing has to go, new email address and totally private to all his school friends only. non searchable etc. At his age it kinda has to be that locked down anyway....

I totally and utterly am with you on wanting to kick the crap out of him, i'd be exactly the same.

If you sit him down and say that you know about the conversations with his dad on FB, and that you both can talk about all that stuff whenever he is ready to do so. If that is now, then go ahead.

Say that you are really unhappy about these kind of conversations taking place, as you have asked his dad to talk to you only about this.

Be honest, open and upfront with him (he can clearly take it!) say to him that he has done nothing wrong, but that you really do have to change the FB page, but can re-link all his friends, but not his dad. for now, or until he himself says he'd like to link to his dad again. I rather think that DS won't want to, but it is his choice.

ErikaMaye · 05/10/2009 16:23

You can block people from contacting you on facebook, might be best if your DS did that, as difficult as it would be for him.

Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 05/10/2009 19:08

Erika I have blocked him

OP posts:
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