Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

why the fuck is she messaging me still???

96 replies

TheLadyEvenstar · 02/10/2009 23:41

my exes g'f has been messaging me on FB asking when ds1's wanker sperm donor father is going to be able to see him. as she has to make sure her kids are prepared for the journey.

1- what the heck has it got to do with her?
2- DS1 has seen his father ONCE in 4 years
3- EX has never been interested until he picked up with this woman and her 4 kids
4- she is getting on my tits big time now!
5- she has requested ds1's friendship on FB 12 times now and I keep declining it
6- why can't she leave us the feck alone???

sorry am peed off!!!!!

OP posts:
Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 03/10/2009 14:16

One of her messages stated she knows what its like to have been a single parent blah blah blah as her youngest childs father left her 2 yrs ago and she is forever battling for him to see the child, hence why i should let ds1 stay with her !!!

TBH I am going to send her a message and just say if he wants to contact me to arrange seeing ds1 we can discuss it but he has to realise it is him that has to make the first move not my child. will obviously word it a bit better than that lol.....mind you i wonder whether he would be open to meet with us and discuss things in mediation or something similar?

OP posts:
DuelingFanjo · 03/10/2009 14:20

are you going to block her? If you do then she just won't be able to send messages. Or is she signing up with different accounts? If so you can report her.

Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 03/10/2009 14:30

Dueling, I did block her on my account and she joined under a different name and sent a message, thats what she has requested ds1's friendship under.

OP posts:
DuelingFanjo · 03/10/2009 14:35

My sister had a recent situation where someone maliciously contacted her step-daughter and told her some stuff which my sister hadn't wanted her to know. I know my sister managed to report them to facebook but not sure what the outcome was. I think contacting your son is just inexcusable behaviour so you have my sympathies.

Not sure what FB can do if someone just keeps signing up with differnt accounts, although I am sure it is against their T&C.

Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 03/10/2009 14:38

Am just trying to clear my head enough to reply to her message as all i have got atm is FUCK OFF AND LEAVE ME ALONE.... and that may come across a tad too harsh lol.

OP posts:
KimiTheThreadSlayingAxeKiller · 03/10/2009 15:33

Go to the settings and block her, she wont be able to contact you then or see you on others pages or find you in a surch, do the same on your DSs as well

Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 03/10/2009 16:08

I have blocked her, thankyou all!!!

I was so wound up and stressed last night over it.

OP posts:
groundhogs · 03/10/2009 17:49

Thinking of you and hoping you get a better night tonight!

2kidzandi · 03/10/2009 18:35

Is it possible that she has started making The EX feel guilty about the fact that he doesn't see his son, as she's a woman with children and is trying in her own misguided way to be some kid of peace keeper/bridge between you, your DS and The Ex? Maybe Ex has said you make things difficult- maybe he hasn't but its been ages since he last saw DS hence she feels the need to support him as he has been a rotten dad.

Sometimes rubbish fathers meet women later on who make them realise what a waste of space dad they've been.

Sorry if I'm waaaayy off. Just a different perspective.

But by all means block her if she's irritating you that much!

Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 03/10/2009 23:55

tonight was about me i am slighlty intoxicakted

OP posts:
Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 04/10/2009 10:16

Hiya all,
Just thought I would show you what I sent her in the way of a reply....

I have spoken to ds1 in great detail and length about what he wants.
You have to realise regardless of what you have been told, I will always put my son first. Now while he wants to see B and get to know him he will never regard him as his dad...he has never been a dad to him since DS1 was 22m old, and B was removed from our home 9 yrs ago. They are not my words they are DS1's words.
Now while he wants to opportunity to know where he came from it is his father he needs to get to know, not yourself or your children, Unfortunatly DS1 and B need to forge a relationship before you or I consider him knowing you.....If B is willing to talk to myself....afterall DS1 is a child and will agree to anything under pressure, then we can sort something out with regard to visits. However these visits need to be between DS1 and B with no outside inteference.

I think that was polite but to the point....

OP posts:
KimiTheThreadSlayingAxeKiller · 04/10/2009 15:30

Let us know if you get a reply

Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 04/10/2009 16:25

Kim,I will do but i bet she replies to say no he is not coming on his own blah blah blah lol....I tell you the odd thing is I showed a friend her photo and she said Tles she is like you....then i realised yes she is too look at poor woman lmao

OP posts:
Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 05/10/2009 11:04

OH IT GETS BETTER!!!!!

DS1's father just messaged him on FB. I was actually checking his page etc as i always do to make sure all is ok iyswim? and this is what i found.

Anyway this is the conversation... Obviously I have taken the names out!

DS1
just tell B i want to know him
off to school now

10:18 L

it is me

b

that is

10:20 DS1

i am meant to be doin my lesson but finsihed my work

no
10:21 DS1
oh ok

10:22L
Have just sent you an email to your inbox

tell me how you can be on facebook at school

10:22DS1

I am in ICT

10:23L
sites lioke these are blocked

like

10:23 DS1
no they are not in my school we can access them when we have finished our work

10:24L
They are even blocked at my work and most works, even councils

10:24DS1
well I am at school and because I have finished my work I am on here.

10:25L
Look, if you want to see me then I will have my girlfriend and her children with me, I would love for you to spend time with us, but it is US

10:26DS1
B, i don't know you properly how can i get to if you won't visit me on your own?

i have not spent anytime with you properly since i was 6, i am 11 now

10:27L
It has only been max of 4 years I understand if I had not seen you since you were a baby, but that is not the case...

If you want to see me then come to me for a weekend

10:27DS1
you could visit me alone if you wanted to, you always said it is mummy stopping you but it is you who is doing it now

10:27L
that is all I have to say

10:27DS1
no i won't stay with you

10:28L
now it depends on how much you really want to see me

10:28DS1
i don't want to stay with you at your girlfriends house, i want you to show me that you care

I am a child

why can't you come and see me?

10:29L
Look, if you want to see me that much then you would want to

come and stay

that is all i have to say

10:30DS1
would you stay with people you don't know?

and if you wanted to see me that much you would visit me! you are the adult

10:30L
I will come and pick you up and take you home after the weekend

that is what adults do

10:31DS1
I don't want to stay

why cant you visit?

10:31L
then we have nothing more to say

10:31DS1
so you are giving me a choice to either stay or not see you?

Bear in mind this is an 11 yr old he is talking to. I will be talking to ds1 about the convo but not sure how to approach it.

OP posts:
RealityBites · 05/10/2009 11:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

scroobiuspirate · 05/10/2009 11:12

oh my god.

what a patronising, spineless twat. your poor ds.

i have an ex who behave like this who has been ruining my dd's life for the past 3 yrs.

these poor kids.

NancyBotwin · 05/10/2009 11:13

You know, in that FB convo, it is your ds who sounds like an adult, not yuor ex...

Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 05/10/2009 11:14

I am sitting here fuming I tell you. How the hell can he talk to MY son like that!!!! what the fuck does he think he is playing at??

he is basically giving ds1 an ultimatum wanker.....i have kept my cool until now, but now i wanna go and kick his friggin head in

OP posts:
Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 05/10/2009 11:15

Nancy I know and that makes me so sad....he is only just 11 and he had to be the adult in that convo

please accept my apologies for swearing in last post

OP posts:
cherryblossoms · 05/10/2009 11:32

LES - Your ex-P reminds me of my f-i-l, who broke contact with us for 3 years because ... actually we never really found out. He is sooo emotionally unreliable. Selfish, a bit pompous, major sense of entitlement.

It's horrid for dh but really unpleasant for the dc. F-i-l just disappeared out of ds' (and dh's) life and then rolled back in - demanding grandparent rights, ie. respect and love - all the time giving no assurance he wouldn't just break it all up again.

He did that all through dh's childhood too (he's divorced from dh's mum).

Between me and you, I wish dh would tell him to piss off.

You have absolutely ALL my sympathy.

Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 05/10/2009 11:49

I just wish that i could calm down am still seething

OP posts:
JodieO · 05/10/2009 11:55

He sounds awful judging by that conversation. Your son sounds lovely and mature, he really does. I feel so sorry for him having to deal with a father like that.

One thing I thought was that maybe your ec's new girlfriend has been encouraging him to see his son? Maybe that's why she has been contacting you, she may be genuine about it, although misguided as you've said you don't want to speak to her about it. I am divorced now (3 children with ex) and he does see them but I think I might be tempted to arrange contact through the girlfriend if she is being "ok" about it.

Just a thought and I may be wrong there but she might really want to help.

JodieO · 05/10/2009 11:55

I don't think I put that over well, it sounded right in my head!

ElenorRigby · 05/10/2009 11:57

Sounds to me like the new gf is calling the shots regarding your ex, for whatever reason she is trying to force this to happen.
Their behaviour is totally out of order, in such situations trust over time can be built up but only with the will and the patience of all involved. There is no way an 11yo should be given and ultimatum, your ex should be willing to jump through whatever hoops he needs to regain the trust of your son and yourself.
I am unsure of what to suggest though. Maybe a letter from a solicitor saying that you said to your ex's gf or along those lines.
BTW you did not have to explain to her AT ALL. This is between you, your son and your ex. Its totally inappropriate for her to be throwing her weight around like this and I'm speaking as a step parent!

Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 05/10/2009 11:58

Jodie, no i know what you mean. When i met dp i helped arrange visits with dss. That was between his ex and I but it was nothing like this tbh!

OP posts: