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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to tell my ex that I had a sex dream about him?

30 replies

FrameyMcFrame · 02/10/2009 12:21

I am happily married!
But must confess to still holding a torch for my ex (who is also happily married)

I dreamt about him last night and it was quite nice. i was just about to send him a message on facebook telling him about the dream when I thought I may be being unreasonable...
Is it totally inapropriate? or ok?

OP posts:
SqueezyCheese · 02/10/2009 12:22

Not appropriate.

What if your DH did this with his ex? Would that be ok? Goose, gander etc.

YABU.

Winebeforepearls · 02/10/2009 12:22

Totally Totally Totally Inappropriate

Nyx · 02/10/2009 12:22

I wouldn't...I really wouldn't. His wife/your husband would NOT like it. And just generally I would advise you not to.

ButtercupWafflehead · 02/10/2009 12:23

Erm, totally unreasonable. Not fair on any of the four of you. What exactly are you hoping to achieve?

marenmj · 02/10/2009 12:23

Wow, if I had an ex do this I would be freaked out and 100% delete them from my life.

YABVVU, and inappropriate.

Original poster
FrameyMcFrame · 02/10/2009 12:24

yes I know. you are all speaking sense. I suppose I am still attatched to this man in some way even after 10 years

OP posts:
holeyteatowel · 02/10/2009 12:37

Get over it. Totally teenage behaviour. You are married fgs.

GibbonInARibbon · 02/10/2009 12:38

Bad bad bad idea. Maybe you are romanticizing the past? Easily done when life is a bit meh, or you have issues with your DH.

Really though, don't go there.

WinkyWinkola · 02/10/2009 12:44

Sad, sad thing to do imo. What are you trying to prove? You'd just embarrass yourself because I don't think you'd get the response you want.

He'd probably just read the text and think, "Why on earth is she telling me this?" and not confess to you that he too has dreams about you.

I have sex dreams about my exes all the time but I'd never tell them. I think it's just part of my pgy. Weirdly never about dh and I love him dearly.

Just accept it as a dream and move on.

WhereYouLeftIt · 02/10/2009 13:03

YABVeryU. Why would you do that? What would you expect to happen as a result of doing it? Have you even thought about these two questions?

itsmeolord · 02/10/2009 13:04

Why are you even asking?

BroodyChook · 02/10/2009 13:04

YABU.

theDeadPirateRoberts · 02/10/2009 13:05

Another YABU - totally inappropriate - what's he supposed to do with the information, and how would your DH feel if he saw it?

BaronessBarbaraKingstanding · 02/10/2009 13:09

This is game playing.

why do you want him to know?

what response do you want to get?

sunsd like you still carry a torch for him and want to create that tension between you and let him know there is something still there. Why? Seriously ask yourself,why?

It's a dangerous road.

It could initailly spice life up with flirting on facebook and then easily progress to 'this must mean sometjing..we need to meet to discus it...only once...we should be together...etc etc'you get the picture type concersations.

It's as clear as day, don't kid youtself. Keep the dreams private and let that in itself be your spice.

flowerybeanbag · 02/10/2009 13:11

Of course it's inappropriate! Why would you do that? Imagine an ex of your DH's doing the same, I'm sure you wouldn't be happy about it.

curiositykilled · 02/10/2009 13:13

Totally inappropriate. The ONLY reason to tell him would be to engineer a real life re-enactment of the dream. Otherwise it's just a bit creepy and weird.

BaronessBarbaraKingstanding · 02/10/2009 13:14

was this dream last night? and is it still occupying your thoughts? I have dreams like this that are very very powerful and can affect my mood and feelings for the whole of the next day.

Eg-dreamt DH had affair and could not speak to him for a day while I got over it

and dreamt I fell in love with a stranger and we both just knew a the momemnt we saw each other and it was a love like no other-was bereft all the next day when I woke up to my very nice but real life and discovered he didn't exist.

Didn't talk to Dh much that day either poor Dh.

Anyway the point I'm making is dreams can really affect you, and maybe this powerful ream is making you think irrationally. Wait 2 days...and then be glad you did nothing!!

FabBakerGirlIsSURVIVED · 02/10/2009 13:15

You silly girl. Of course is is not appropriate.

YABVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVU.

CybilLiberty · 02/10/2009 13:18

Enjoy the feeling you had from the dream, use it with your dh and don't contact ex.

Original poster
FrameyMcFrame · 02/10/2009 13:31

yes the dream was last night and it's been on my mind today. I can't believe I was actually going to send the message now. I had convinced myself it was ok somehow. Thank goodness for mumsnet sensible reactions.
I don't know what i expected to achieve by doing it, perhaps I have a fantasy that we will get back together in another life and i can't let go of that. I do love my husband but things have been a bit turbulent over the last few months with the tiredness of having a 6 month old and no sleep plus another child who is having problems at school.

The other thing is that my ex has just had his own baby (even more reasons for this to be very unreasonable)

This has affected me because when we were together I got pregnant but I had a miscarriage. It was really hard to get over at the time and i guess the way I reacted, depression etc was part of the reason we split up.
now seeing pictures of him with his new baby on facebook has brought it all back a bit. It's probably all coming out in my subconscious.

OP posts:
SqueezyCheese · 02/10/2009 13:35

Can't you delete him from your FB and make an effort to forget him and fix the cracks in your own life. If you can get back on top of things maybe you will think of him less?

It's good to see someone taking sensible advice, well done you

theDeadPirateRoberts · 02/10/2009 13:38

Oh poor you for the MC . I can see how that would leave you feeling a missed opportunity. Maybe having a small cry and a large glass of wine would be good? And make a point of enjoying your DH's company tonight?

katiestar · 02/10/2009 17:08

Troll ?

SolidGoldBrass · 02/10/2009 17:11

The only reason to tell someone something like that is as a come-on. That's the only way it can be interpreted.
Having the dream doesn;t mean anything (I have had 'sexy' dreams about the most appalling people in the past).

HecatesTwopenceworth · 02/10/2009 17:13

Not appropriate. As SGB says, it is saying come fuck me.

Unless that's what you are wanting to say?... Are you?