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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think there is NO POINT doing a birthday party for anyone aged under 3 (or maybe even 4)?

79 replies

TrillianAstra · 02/10/2009 09:38

Unless you have an extremely special 1- or 2-year old they will not know it is their birthday, or that birthdays are times when you have a party and presents.

So don't bother. By all means have a family gathering for you, to celebrate having made this child and kept it alive for a year or two. But if you don't want to then don't. Your child will not know that they are missing out. Do not stress yourself over it. Stressed parents does not = happy babies.

OP posts:
Drusilla · 02/10/2009 09:39

YANBU

spicemonster · 02/10/2009 09:42

YANBU in the slightest. I have no intention of inviting other children over until he is 4. Up until then, it's just an excuse for me to have cake and fizzy wine

MrsBadger · 02/10/2009 09:44

depends how you define a party

dd (2) had no idea it was 'her birthday' but enjoyed her 'tea party', consisting a couple of her mates and their mums coming round for sandwiches, cake and paper hats in the garden.

rubyslippers · 02/10/2009 09:44

i do agree that parties for under 3's are more for the parents than for the children

but even if they aren't, does it really matter?

we have never bought DS a birthday present, but we have done a party every year

Peabody · 02/10/2009 09:45

I agree with the OP in every way.

marialuisa · 02/10/2009 09:46

DD's first birthday was a non-event but she asked for a party for her second and loved it (don't think that makes her extremely special though!). I don't find organising kids' parties stressful though.

FimbleHobbs · 02/10/2009 09:47

YABU to say there is no point. The point is to have fun, doesn't matter if the child doesn't understand the celebration at the time. But you are totally right to say don't get stressed over it and don't feel obliged.

kreecherlivesupstairs · 02/10/2009 09:48

I agree too, BUT, we've always had a party for dd. Mostly i will admit, so we could have a knees up. She didn't know what was going on, on her first birthday she stuck her finger in her candle. We have the photos to prove it.

Biglips · 02/10/2009 09:50

YABU...i did!! and everyone had fun inc the kids. Didnt do it last year as i just gave birth so this year my dd1 who turned 5 yesterday is going to the kids club cinema with her closest friend and cousin (with the adults too) and then party!! my dd1 had has always loves parties..

bamboobutton · 02/10/2009 09:51

i completely agree with op.

ds won't be having proper parties until he is at school and even then it will only be 4-5 friends, not the entire class extravaganzas i hear about.

Rindercella · 02/10/2009 09:52

YABU. It's really down to individual choice isn't it? If the parents want to do a party for their child, why should anyone else really care??

We did a joint party for DD's 2nd b'day with 2 of her friends. We each invited 2/3 friends and it was lovely. Everyone really enjoyed themselves. So what if the children didn't really understand what it was about? Nothing stressful about it at all, and everyone was happy

insertwittynicknameHERE · 02/10/2009 09:52

My DD1 is 2 in November and has asked for a Thomas cake for her birthday so we are gonna have a little gathering of the kids in the family with cake and sandwiches for them. Wine and cake for the adults .

I agree that it is more for the parents at this age than it is for the DC but it doesn't mean you don't have t bother. If you want a party have one, if not then don't.

sarah293 · 02/10/2009 09:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

MrsBadger · 02/10/2009 10:01

but yes the OP is quite right re feeling obliged to put on ghastly stressy / bouncy castle / softplay / 30 kids type fiascos

Original poster
TrillianAstra · 02/10/2009 10:01

Had to put it in the strongest possible wording in the title, I guess I mean it's pointless to do anything beyond what you (the adults) want to do with the day.

Marialuisa - I am impressed at your not-quite 2-year-old DD asking for a party.

OP posts:
Rollmops · 02/10/2009 10:06

You are NBU the slightest. Once they are in school, there will be couple of friends invited but none of this mass hysteria of whole class do's. Utterly ridiculous.

hambler · 02/10/2009 10:06

well said, op

SolidGoldBrass · 02/10/2009 10:06

For DS' first and second birthdays, I had my mates round on one day and grandparents and relatives on the next,and it was more a celebration for us than for him (though he liked the cake). The last three years it's been family round and a cake to playgroup or nursery. Next year might be the 30 kids at the city farm type do...'

Biglips · 02/10/2009 10:08

ive only had ever done house bday parties but maybe it cos we like having house parties anyway

epithet · 02/10/2009 10:08

Do the kind of party/celebration you & your family feel most comfortable with.

alwayslookingforanswers · 02/10/2009 10:09

hmm can understand the sentiments for 1 and 2yr old, but 3...DS1 and 2 certainly knew it was there birthday when they were 3,

Original poster
TrillianAstra · 02/10/2009 10:11

No epithet, not you and your family - just you, the person who is organising the damn thing

OP posts:
epithet · 02/10/2009 10:12

That's what I usually mean by 'me and my family' .

StableButDeluded · 02/10/2009 10:14

YANBU. Just had first 'proper' party for DS who is 4. This was the first year he wanted a party.

Age 1 and 2, anything more than a few family/friends is too overwhelming. They don't know it's their birtday & they don't 'play' as such with other children. We just had close family & a couple of other friends with babies over for a birthday tea & made a small cake to mark the occasion.

Last year he went through a phase of not liking going to parties so we just went to Legoland instead.

nickytwotimes · 02/10/2009 10:17

Yanbu.
Person I know hired organised entertainment and everything.
It was nice and all, but kids were oblivious.

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