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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think there is NO POINT doing a birthday party for anyone aged under 3 (or maybe even 4)?

79 replies

TrillianAstra · 02/10/2009 09:38

Unless you have an extremely special 1- or 2-year old they will not know it is their birthday, or that birthdays are times when you have a party and presents.

So don't bother. By all means have a family gathering for you, to celebrate having made this child and kept it alive for a year or two. But if you don't want to then don't. Your child will not know that they are missing out. Do not stress yourself over it. Stressed parents does not = happy babies.

OP posts:
CurlyhairedAssassin · 02/10/2009 10:24

DS1's birthday is right before Christmas. He'll be 6 this year and up to now it's just been a trip to soft play with brother, couple of cousins, and a friend or two, and a small family party tea with cake and balloons at home.

He's been to a few whole class parties in church halls this year which were nice, but wouldl be too overwhelming if it were his own party I think. I was dreading him asking to have a massive party this year as I really don't want 30-odd presents in the house from kids in his class, plus relatives' birthday presents and THEN Christmas presents a week or so later. Luckily he just wants to do what we've done the last few years. I think it suits him better, and after all the whole point is making sure they enjoy their own party/celebration, not sitting in the corner crying as they are a quiet sort and overwhelmed by all the noise.

MarshaBrady · 02/10/2009 10:25

We don't have family in the uk so it was friends who helped us celebrate.

Yummy food and champagne, definitely for us as something for the grown ups to enjoy rather than for ds.

I remember getting quite tipsy and declaring with new friends we made it to 1! No stress definitely a friend thing for us.

But then all his pre-school parties have been about nice food and a relaxed fun time rather than hiring places etc.

Ladyatron · 02/10/2009 10:26

yep, i actually think birthday parties should be banned full stop

StableButDeluded · 02/10/2009 10:26

I only did the "ghastly stressy / bouncy castle / softplay / 30 kids type fiasco" this year because it was his first proper party that he actually asked for, and he likes all the children in his nursery class so he wanted to ask them all. Certainly wouldn't bother for 1 and 2 year olds.

Probably won't be doing it next year either because he will have only just started reception at a new school, so won't have had time to settle.

Did find it a bit stresful, but only because i've never done any type of kid's party before & wasn't sure how much food to do, how much prep time I'd need etc.

They all enjoyed themselves so much though, that i was really glad I did it for him. I'd quite hapily do it again, but maybe not quite so many children.

ilovesprouts · 02/10/2009 10:27

ds2 will be 3 in dec ,and hes not having a party ,

SquirrelTrap · 02/10/2009 10:29

How bloody miserable.

It doesn't take a lot of effort.

PeachyTentativelyPosting · 02/10/2009 10:29

YANBU but it is possible to have a party that works for you and yur child IMO and IME

DS4's party was a family gathering at a farm aprk- fabulous to just celebrate him, as we are not very close geogrpahiocally to the family- and he liked looking at the animals etc, as one year olds often do.

Lovely day,worked a treat.

Later on- at school really- there does get to be an eement if you don't invite them, you won't get an invite (aka reciprocation LOL_ I never could use one word when ten would suffice). We have a rule that no big class partis after age 8, up until then it's very much a part of the whole deal.Sadly.

(sadly ebcuase ds1 is December and DS2 January- not what anyone needs!)

Meglet · 02/10/2009 10:32

YANBU. I think a special tea and some cake are all a small child needs. Not loads of friends, softplay and bloody party bags.

waitingforbedtime · 02/10/2009 10:44

YANBU. Ds is having a party this year for his 3rd birthday. It will be his first one and it will only be small.

Interestingly though, on another forum I occasionally use I was called 'mean' for not having a 2nd birthday party for him!!

nickytwotimes · 02/10/2009 10:44

Oh, tea and cakes and grandparents/godparents/whatever is what we always have. Just not the fecking clowns and 30 2 yr olds high on e numbers.

paisleyleaf · 02/10/2009 10:48

yanbu I feel the same
Just done DD her first birthday party for her 5th
But over the last 5 years she's been to loads; soft play centres, disco/entertainers, princess plates/napkins etc all the bit.
I've felt the need to say to the mum's that DD's just having a tea party with her 2 cousins and family - so they don't think we're having a big party that they've not been invited too.

There does seem to be a rush with things generally though - and I think it's all part of that.

cyteen · 02/10/2009 11:04

Completely agree with keeping it low key when they're too young to understand what is going on. DS's recent first birthday was lovely; we had three friends with 1 year olds over for tea and cake on the day, then got both sets of grandparents etc. together (for the first time ) at the weekend for buffet/wine/more cake. He had a whale of a time crawling about with his friends and family, eating party food, playing with his new stuff and having lots of cuddles, and the adults all enjoyed it too.

Am hoping to keep it low key for a while yet, our house is too small for anything else!

branflake81 · 02/10/2009 11:08

Well, I agree with you for 1 and 2 year olds but I can still remember my third birthday party and it was really exciting for me so i think that's the age to start.

newspaperdelivery · 02/10/2009 11:10

YABU.

It's lovely to get family together to celebrate, and friends and other children too. I like the feeling of sitting around the table with a baby in a highchair, eating a 'number one' birthday card.
It's a nice way to catch up with people and generate a sense of the passing time, growth of the family, show the new child in their little world to people s/he will come to know well.

How can a celebration of a child be bad? If we ourselves put pressure on to have certain things done a certain way and loose the sense and meaning that's our own sad fault.

IMO.

stonethecrows · 02/10/2009 11:17

YABU - Really depends on the child. My DD certainly knew about her 2nd birthday, understood how she was sharing her party with a friend etc etc. That's not said in a "hey my daughter's great" kinda way - just trying to argue against your rather sweeping assumptions.

And I also have nothing against whole class parties if that's what parents and kids want to do for their older DC. At least that means their is no poor kid in their class not getting an invite and feeling left out.

angrypixie · 02/10/2009 11:17

There are any number of reasons to celebrate a first or second birthday with a party, but why you should feel the need to make such a sweeping statement is beyond me.

Why do you care what anyone else does?

No one needs to validate their decisions to you or anyone else. I did 3 very different things for my 3 very different children. I think it very arrogant of you to tell me 'don't bother.'

stonethecrows · 02/10/2009 11:18

there not their!!!

Stigaloid · 02/10/2009 11:41

My DS (2) knows about birthdays. He sees cakes and starts singing all the time. he knows to give presents and on his birthday he loved playing pass the parcel and opening gifts. he especially loved the cake and blowing the candles out. to say a 2 year old doens't understand about birthdays is a bit much IMO

sweetnitanitro · 02/10/2009 11:46

Well. YABU and YANBU. I think it's silly to throw a huge party, especially for 1 year olds.

My DD is 1 in a couple of weeks and she doesn't like crowds so it would be silly to throw her a huge party. Instead I have invited a few family members because I know they will want to see her on her birthday, so it is more for my family than for DD. I think it will be nicer than having a huge party with a massive cake and a hired clown etc, I hate those kind of show-offy parties.

BloodRedTulips · 02/10/2009 11:48

dd will be having her first party in january for her 5th.... same as the majority of other kids around here. in playschool most of us tend to bring party foods in for them and they have a party there, very few have a party at home.

most of us have 3/4 kids so no way can we afford, or do we have time for multiple parties each year for years on end.

i considered having one for dd last year but as i was heavily pregnant with ds2 i was worried he'd choose that day to make his appearance and dd would resent him for ruining her party so i didn't, my kids quite enjoy their quiet birthdays though so as of yet they've not even asked for parties

indiechick · 02/10/2009 11:51

Oh you're being miserable, no-one forces you to have a party. I'm planning one for dd2 for her 2nd birthday next year. Will be inviting her friends who go to childminder with her plus a couple of dd1's friends who have younger sisters around the same age. It'll be fun.

Original poster
TrillianAstra · 02/10/2009 11:58

Wow, I'm impressed at the number of people who only read the title, not even the OP. I said you should have a party if you want to (and make it something you would enjoy), but there's no point in having one for the benefit of the 1- or 2-year old.

OP posts:
funkybuddah · 02/10/2009 12:03

YANBU, People come over on dc birthday but she awas one, enjoyed c ake yes (could have had it any day though) and seeing her grandparents (again not a rareity, happens weekly). I dont encourage any party like behaviour, by the time DC1 was 2 he knew to blow out candles but that was it, DC2 cant even say party and has no concept of it so I may just do the usual and go to playgroup on her birthday this year and scoff a yummy cake that my mum will make of course, would be churlish to refuse a nice choccy cake ;0)

newspaperdelivery · 02/10/2009 12:03

Ha! I did that!

In my [poor] defence I have a party for dd1 tomorrow and I'm a bit stressed.....

ROFL!!

newspaperdelivery · 02/10/2009 12:04

x-posts funkybuddah [like the name]

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