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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think there is NO POINT doing a birthday party for anyone aged under 3 (or maybe even 4)?

79 replies

TrillianAstra · 02/10/2009 09:38

Unless you have an extremely special 1- or 2-year old they will not know it is their birthday, or that birthdays are times when you have a party and presents.

So don't bother. By all means have a family gathering for you, to celebrate having made this child and kept it alive for a year or two. But if you don't want to then don't. Your child will not know that they are missing out. Do not stress yourself over it. Stressed parents does not = happy babies.

OP posts:
Airetauriel · 02/10/2009 12:20

YANBU, BUT I don't understand people getting stressed by parties. I LOVE parties, and already have DD's 3rd planned out in my head and it's two months away! I don't spend a lot of money, she had both 1st and 2nd birthday parties at home, with close family and friends, cake and birthday tea. But I love choosing a theme and doing crafts with her in the run up to decorate the house, and make the games etc. Her 3rd will be at home too, and aside from the hugely elaborate cake I always make because I ADORE making it, it'll be fairly simple, and very good fun!

She definitely understood birthdays by her second birthday, and still refers to it now so I know she remembers it. And I have lots of lovely memories of her parties myself, along with some lovely pictures. What's not to like?

newspaperdelivery · 02/10/2009 12:25

My dd remembers her 2nd. She remembers the cake, as it had a metalic thomas engine scooting along a track made from icing. Am such a sap.

curiositykilled · 02/10/2009 12:30

I'm not sure why you're so bothered by how other people do it TBH OP. My DS remembers the trip we went on for his 2nd birthday, he's 4 now. We went to Chester Zoo, not true to say there's no point and they don't know it's their birthday!

Original poster
TrillianAstra · 02/10/2009 12:57

I'm not bothered, I'm expressing my opinion and encouraging others to express theirs.

You could pretty much copy and paste "I'm not sure why you're so bothered by how other people do it TBH OP" and put it on every single thread in AIBU if you were so inclined.

OP posts:
newspaperdelivery · 02/10/2009 13:00

Having read your op properly op, I agree. So can I change to YANBU?

curiositykilled · 02/10/2009 13:19

Your OP is telling other people what you think they should do. It hardly falls into the category of 'expressing an opinion' unless you added 'about what I think other people should do'. You are clearly riled about it or you wouldn't have posted in the first place, strange to say you are not bothered as it's hardly a life changing revelatory topic and your OP states that you are bothered about what other people do as you think they should do it differently.

It is however, like you have read most of my posts on other people's AIBU threads.

theDeadPirateRoberts · 02/10/2009 13:24

YANBU here. Also hated taking DS to other (older) people's parties for a while, because he was just too young to remember that he couldn't open the presents, and it wasn't all about him... Much stressness.

MrsHappy · 02/10/2009 13:30

I disagree.
I did not bother with a party when DD turned 1 for the reasons in the OP, but at 2 she knew her birthday was coming and her party was pretty much the best day of her life (she still talks about it now, nearly 18 months later). She had ideas about what she wanted - her frineds to play in the garden and "candlecake" and when she got it she was plainly delighted.
But then maybe she is just extremely special.

MrsHappy · 02/10/2009 13:32

Frineds? Friends.

TsarChasm · 02/10/2009 13:39

I don't get this. Why so angry about it Trillian? If you don't want to do parties then don't.

I wouldn't want anyone throwing me a party if they felt like that about it

cory · 02/10/2009 14:41

If you know someone who is really made miserable by birthday pressure, then fair enough (is it another thread?)

But for some people, having the toddler group to play sleeping lions or splash in the paddling pool might be a lovely day. We have pictures of dcs at their 1st and 2nd birthday parties, and I have to say they do look as if they're enjoying themselves. But to them it was just an extra toddler group with refreshments and presents- what's not to like?

NaughtyAlice · 02/10/2009 14:52

Hehe

After spending the morning trying to find a venue for my (very special ) 2yr old's party i am in two minds.

I want to have a party for her because i know she will enjoy it and it will be nice to have all her friends over,

But

I am starting to see the madness in it. Assuming i could book something in November easily, only to find that places are booked til June!!! WTF?!

So, Trillian YABU and YANBU (who has started you on all this anyway?)

SardineQueen · 02/10/2009 14:56

YANBU.

Lizzylou · 02/10/2009 15:00

Curiosity, our birthday treat for DS1 (then DS2) for 3 years was Chester Zoo. I have awful fond memories of waddling round that enormous zoo 10 days after giving birth to the whopping DS2 (he was born 4th of the month, DS1 the 14th of the same month) and feeling like I would die!

Great Zoo though.

YABU, we had famiy tea parties and a soft play joint one for DS1's 3rd and DS2's 1st birthday, it was fab.

pigletmania · 02/10/2009 16:13

Yes i do agree, at 1 dd did not know and totally did not understand, she was miserable all the way through the event, she was scared of candles and too many people, same with when she turned 2, I think that for her 3rd birthday, she is beginning to understand about birthdays and what happens on them, mabey a little party with about 3 of her friends from mums and tots.

NellyNoNorks · 02/10/2009 16:18

YANBU. Parties for under-fours really are just for the parents. I've still not had a party for DS, and he's seven (and doesn't like parties, which helps!) DD is five, and had a party for her birthday - nine girls at our house for party games and a party tea. She looked forward to it for weeks, and thoroughly enjoyed it on the day. Until she was five, it was Granny and Grandpa and a slice of cake.

TheMysticMasseuse · 02/10/2009 16:18

agree with the sentiment of not stressing out, but i still think celebrations are an important thing in a family's life and the sooner you start the better. I also disagree that children under 3 don't understand it. at her second birthday party dd was fully in the spirit of it (shouting "another present!!!" everytime the doorbell rang) and by the time her 3rd came along she was really excited about it.

not talking about hiring out the Ritz for a weekend, but a few friends and relatives is nice and i think a shame to miss out on.

on balance i'd say YABU, but just a bit.

MarshaBrady · 02/10/2009 16:19

Ds was definitely aware of what a party was at three, and very excited by it.

Hell he was probably aware at 2, and still loved the little balloons and cake at home.

I admit his stress-free happy birthdays with lovely friends (my friends of course) are in there with other best memories.

pigletmania · 02/10/2009 16:31

My dd turned 2 in march, had a party for her little friends at mums and tots and hated it, she cried all the way through, would not open her presents and did not really understand the concept of birthdays or what to do even though i spend a couple of weeks preparing her for it, even showing her pictures of cakes candles and presents and watching other kids parties on you tube to no avail. Really depends on the child, my dd is rather babyish for her age.

pigletmania · 02/10/2009 16:32

better luck when she turnes 3 next march i hope

Fruitbeard · 02/10/2009 16:53

One the one hand YABU, DD has had a party every year of her life and okay, at 1 it was more for us, but at 2 she was definitely into the concept (and believe me she is in no way 'special'!) and was so excited at having her cousin and all her little friends from nursery come to her party. Her little face when she saw her cake... wouldn't have missed it for the world.

She planned her own 3rd birthday party (bouncy castle, church hall, colouring in area) and she adored it. In fact, one of her friends, whenever her name was mentioned for the rest of the year, said 'Ooh! Can I go to her party again??' so at that age they're definitely old enough to get excited.

But on the other hand, YANBU, I think if you don't like parties yourself it's difficult to get enthusiastic about them - especially if your child doesn't appear to show any enthusiasm either.

stonethecrows · 02/10/2009 16:54

TrillianAstra, lots of people are disagreeing with you not because they haven't read your op properly, but because they disagree with what you said in it... Kind of the point of AIBU, don't you think?

piscesmoon · 02/10/2009 16:57

YANBU.
I think that people have it back to front and one guest per number of years is a good idea.
People tend to have the huge parties when they are small, don't know half the guests and don't care- and then they go right down to taking a couple of friends out by the age of about 10yrs when they would appreciate a large party and are bothered about invites. I can't understand why anyone wants a whole class do at 5 when they are not all friends-much more sensible by the end of juniors.
A first birthday is for the adults-so it is an opportunity to make a bit of a fuss, if you want to.

HidingInTheZoo · 02/10/2009 17:01

It depends on what you do. We have a birthday party for Ds aged 2 (actually only party he has had) But because it was set up as lots of treaty food, open the garage and chuck toys out, fish out face painting box it was loved. he knew exactly what it was about, for and why. he loved the presents and the fact he had his friend to tea. The whole thing was cheap and little effort (just shoving a few bits in oven, open a few packets and make a few sarnies. This is the sort of party i think 2+ should have. it was nice as he only had 6 friends who he has know from bump and saw every week at least 1 if not up to 3 times per week.

Kids under 3 dont really get the whole significance of bigger more expensive types of party and they are wasted. It is a shame that there are more basic partys in the back yard anymore.

curiositykilled · 02/10/2009 17:12

I think the main reason I would say YABU is just that every family and every child is different so the minute you post an "Everyone should do exactly what I do because this is what works for me and what I have experienced" thread you're onto a loser.