To remove my children from childminder because she reported a parent to ofsted?

[threelittlespeckledfrogs]

I am a regular but have changed my name as I am aware I may be flamed for this.

I have three children, a five year old and two year old twins. They go to the childminder's at seven and she takes my daughter to school and picks her up and looks after the twins all day. I had always thought she was a lovely woman and my kids seem to like her.

In light of the recent publicity over the law on looking after friends' children, we were having a conversation about it. I said that I thought the law was outragious and couldn't see what difference it made. I also said that I couldn't understand what kind of busybody would shop someone to ofsted for looking after a friend's child. She then said that she had shopped someone for doing exactly that.

I asked her why and she said that it was unfair that people should be looking after children without having registered.

What made me more than anything though was that she said that the woman she shopped had to stop caring for her friend's child, and that she then took on this child as a mindee.

So not only has she forced a mother to pay for childcare when she was previously able to have her child looked after by a friend, but she has also gained financially from it as she is minding the child.

I am really angry about this and I have seen her in a totally different light now.

I don't want someone like this looking after my children, so I have given notice and the twins will be going to a nursery and my daughter will have to go to before and after school club.

But I am tempted to tell all the parents of her mindees what she is like.

IBU?

balloon slayer, OP says "So not only has she forced a mother to pay for childcare when she was previously able to have her child looked after by a friend," - the 'forced to pay' bit does indicate that she wasn't paying before.

Although that could be an assumption rather than a fact.

Personally, am inclined to agree with mackerel.

My apologies desertgirl, I think I must have totally "tuned out" that part of the sentence.

Nevertheless, I can't help but feel that the other CM must have had some sort of payment as otherwise a) why would she do it at all? and b) how would Ofsted be able to stop her doing something she is having no payment for?

Also, IME, you don't call someone a childminder unless they are doing it as a business.

I would suspect that the unregistered CM was undercutting slightly, hence the registered CM's ire, but the OP is not clear. And as many people have said, clarification is needed . . . but the OP has not been back.

FWIW I am an older mother and when I was in my twenties, friends and women I worked with started having children (while I was still a long way off, though I didn't know it). The feeling I got about childcare then was that if you wanted to go back to work, you got someone in your close circle to look after your child for you. Your husband, mother, sister, MIL, friend - in short someone who loved the child, or at least was fond of it and whom the whole family knew and trusted. Of course you would pay them for their trouble (husband excepted!). However, if you were unlucky and didn't have anyone who fell into that category, you might have to get a complete stranger look after your child. I presumed that the registered childminder scheme was brought in to help parents make that initial leap of faith (as after all a CM wouldn't be a stranger for long). They could see that the complete stranger whom they were going to entrust their precious bundle to had taken a course and had their house checked out, and so on.
It all seems to be arse about face now - the government don't seem to rate love and parental judgement.

My MIL is too frail now to look after my DCs. But I would have preferred her to do so than some of the undoubtedly competent and jolly girls I saw when I visited a nursery. Why? Because she loves my DCs and that's important to me. But she wouldn't be able to do it even if she was well because she couldn't cope with the Ofsted stuff. A shame, but for me it's all hypothetical anyway.

Has the OP actually come back or has she just dropped this massive AIBU and then gone into hiding?

No she dropped this massive AIBU and went into hiding.

and

I just popped back on to say that in my last post I wasn't trying to say I think family members' care of children is better than childminders just because they love them. Many - if not most - childminders love their charges.
I know what I am trying to say but expressing it badly.

YANBU this woman puts all those other lovely childminders in a bad light. I would do the same what a nasty woman, i would never give my child to someone like that. She did it for the money not because she cares, if i were that mother i would not give my child to her, but mabey the mother is unaware that this woman shopped her. Yes i would let her know how nasty this woman is, how can she sleep at night.

YABU! Why would you want to remove your children from an environment where they were settled and happy because your childminder did what we are all encouraged to do and 'rat on a rat'. Would you have removed your children if she'd reported a drunken driver who'd knocked a child over, a drug dealer, a paedophile, or somebody shoplifting? No I very much doubt it, in those cases you would have claimed she was a hero! Where is the difference, the law is the law whether you (or anybody else) like it or not and you've effectively punished your children and your minder for being honest!

Before you go gossiping about your CM to other parents I'd think very carefully, you would have probably agreed to a confidentiality policy and they go both ways, you could find yourself in court!

Your childminder is better off without you, hope she manages to find a family who appreciate her honesty, morals and good standing a whole lot more than you evidently did.

Bet you there was an AIBU saying Should I report this woman because she's swapping childcare with a friend?

And I bet you some people here said yes.

I can't make up my mind on this one
On the one hand it's her business, and no-one likes to be undercut. And if that's in a way that is breaking the law, she could do something about it, and she did.
However, I personally couldn't bring myself to report this and think friends should be able to help each other out.

Can't stand a "dobber" myself (as long as nothing bad is actually happening). So would probably distance myself.

The law is stupid and needs changing to only refer to money changing hands for childcare being illegal.

The Government here is actually starting to worry me a bit, just in the last couple of years there seems to be a culture of obedience developing.

I do not think you are being unreasonable, I would do exactly what you have done.
And I would tell the other parents.
I do agree that all childminders should be registered and checked, but I think it has gotten really really silly when you can not get a friend to pick your child up from school as a favor without someone sticking their nose in.

i can't believe that something which has always been so fundamental to the safety of children and the sanity of their parents is now illegal. it makes me want to throw things about in a senseless rage, but no doubt someone would report me if i did

By KIMItheThreadSlayer on Wed 30-Sep-09 10:48:58
AIBU to let DS2 age 9 become a latch key kid......as clearly all my friends are pedophiles and axe murderers according to the government and unless I pay to get them all vetted by the nanny state I will soon be breaking the law to ask my friend to pick DS2 up from school the one day a week I go to take my disabled mother out.
I shall give DS2 a key and tell him to walk home alone across 2 main roads, (better get him a reflective vest as dark nights are coming) and when he get in I shall tell him to cook the dinner and sweep the chimney!!!!!!

[DISCLAIMER PLEASE NOTE I HAVE NO SUCH INTENTION I AM JUST FED UP WITH THE WHOLE NANNY STATE]

I would definitely tell the woman who had to stop using her friend and move over to this CM - one presumes she doesn't know it was the CM who shopped her.

Is it still the law/going to be the law that the friend COULd have carried on looking after the child if it was in the child's own home?

3 frogs

If you are angry and upset there is no way you can have her look after your kids, so it not whether you are being reasonable or not. If you reacted that way, you have to stick with your guns.

I can see why the childminders get miffed.... BUT I ended up giving notice to my childminder (she turned into a nightmare) and am now using a local friend for 1 day a week.

I think this law has been made becuase childmiders are compliainng about unregistered people. And your childminders behaviour proves this.

This will be an emotive topic as I can understand why it would piss a childminder off. But at the end of the day my DC and my peace of mind are my priority.

anyway ppl cant claim tax credit if they are using unregistered friends anyway, so the ChildMInders still have that on their side.

I think we really need all tha facts here tho before we make judgments on people,

And its not just the OP's side of the story you would need, but the Registered Childminder's and the UN-Registered Lady and her friends veiws on this too.

Otherwise you havent got the whole story.

I know of people who rely on friends to collect their child from school and look after them until they finish work. Where I am childminders are quite scarce, or rather they are not usually available for just 1/2 hour-1 hour after school. The school has the latest finish time in the area so is also at the bottom of the priority list for pick ups iyswim. I know of parents who have been told by childminders that when their child started school they would no longer be able to care for them due to above reason.
I have no idea whether they pay the other parents but I certainly wouldn't report someone for doing it unless they were clearly unfit in other ways to care for the child.

No. 10 Petition re reciprocal care now approaching 18,000

Very, very good article here by Frank Furedi (ignore his gurning face, what he says is worth reading)

It takes a village to raise a child? Not anymore

YANBU

There is no way I would let someone look after my children if I didn't like the way they behaved - regardless of whether the behavious affected my DC's or not.

The law exists to prevent unqualified people from failing to care adequately for children. It does not exist to prevent CM's being undercut.

Your ex CM sounds spiteful and vindictive and personally I'd tell the other family - can't imagine anyone would want someone who had caused them so much hassle caring for their children.

How do you know no money changed hands?
I know of an unregistered childminder, she charged £70 a week but as she did nothing with them or take them anywhere she saw it as a nice little earner till her neighbor (my friend) shopped her. She is an early years worker too but had nothing to gain, but she knew the children were not safe (they were always having domestics). I have to work so hard I can't believe some people get away with this. BUT I don't think freind looking after each others kids for 10 hours a week is bad nor do I think doing favors for childcare counts as reward. I have looked after my freinds daughter in exchange for a massage

well said onceinabluemoon. would you take your child to your friend to have a tooth pulled no you'd use a REGISTERED DENTIST would you take your child to your friend to diagnose a medical problem no you'd use a REGISTERED DOCTOR what about taking to a friend for schooling no you CHECK AROUND FOR THE BEST REGISTERED SCHOOL. get my drift why in gods name would you not use a registered childminder with proper checks where you know your child is safe. to threelittlespeckledfrogs how petty and pathetic for you to remove your children from where they were happy. did your cm hurt them or not look after them properly. NO. i hope your ex cm reports you for slander and takes you to court for badmouthing her buisness. if the place you work replaced you with someone who has none of the training you have would you be happy. now look at your ex cm views.

threelittlespeckledfrogs - If you removed your children from the childminder, rather than give notice under the contract (and pay the appropriate fees for that notice period if you decided not to send your children during the notice period) then you are in breach of contract and the childminder will probably be taking you to small claims court for failure to pay.

If you meant that you had decided to give notice to your childminder, then a parent can give notice to their childcare provider at anytime subject to the terms of the contract.
Does seem a little odd that you would move your children from somewhere they are happy (assuming they were happy there) but it is your choice as a parent to decide what you feel is best for your children.

It's interesting how people are siding with the apparently law breaker and not the person who reported them for acting illegally.

Well said proudtobewelsh!

A childminder has a duty as part of their job to report anyone breaking the law with regards to children.

This childminder did no wrong and also could not have known when she reported the unregistered minder that she would end up taking the child on herself so would have had nothing to gain personally by reporting it.

I wonder how the OP would have felt if something had happened to that child whilst at the friends house and her childminder had told her that she knew they were breaking the law but had NOT reported it?

Remember that no matter how much you trust a friend, or feel that they love your children, they are untrained and unregistered so you have no control over who else is in their house when your child is. Childminders have to have everyone over 16 who lives in their home, or who is regularly there when the children are, police checked. What do you know about all the people that visit your friends houses when you are not there? A registered childminder is very aware of the safety of the children and so very cautious about who is allowed in their house when children are there.

Also, these regulations and laws that everyone is talking about are not Ofteds! They are the current governments, all Ofted does is enforce them so if you don't like them then complain to the govt not Ofsted.