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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to fancy another man?

24 replies

eviltart · 30/09/2009 21:29

Not acting on it in the slightest, nobody has a clue except me. But there is definitely a third person in the headspace that should be reserved for DH . It's the third or fourth time this has happened to me in 7 years. We're only together for the sake of the kids.

Help.

OP posts:
GypsyMoth · 30/09/2009 21:32

well it happens,you're human. depends if you act on it..in the future that is.

CybilLiberty · 30/09/2009 21:33

Those 2things don't go together. it's ok to fancy someone else and not act on it, but then you say you are only together for the kids. FWIW I fancy other men all the time, because I am not dead from the waist down.

Do you not find dh attractive at all?

Olive11 · 30/09/2009 21:37

Really feel for you, this is a hard one. Does your dh feel the same about you only being together for the kids?

Original poster
eviltart · 30/09/2009 21:39

In answer to Cybil, DH is attractive, but I don't fancy him.

OP posts:
Olive11 · 30/09/2009 21:40

Agree with Cybil - it's ok to have the odd thought cos you're only human, but it sounds like there is more to this.

CybilLiberty · 30/09/2009 21:40

do you still have sex?

SardineQueen · 30/09/2009 21:43

Do you have very young children?

Original poster
eviltart · 30/09/2009 21:43

No Olive, he doesn't. We've had huge problems over recent years compounded by small children all the usual family stuff, me having to live abroad.... We nearly talked seriously about separating at the end of August. Because I feel guilty and because I have to try everything for the sake of the kids, we are giving it another try and moving back to my home town next year. But I am terrified because I am faking it.

OP posts:
stainesmassif · 30/09/2009 21:43

i don't expect to fancy dh in 7 years - isn't that a luxury in a long term relationship? do you still like him?

TotallyAndUtterlyPaninied · 30/09/2009 21:44

Oh dear I think this is one for 'relationships' rather than 'AIBU' because there's clearly so much more to it. You need to have a serious think. It's so sad to only be together for the DC's.

It's not unreasonable to fancy other men but it would be to act on it, you might need to have a chat with DH and if you want to end it with him, then you can act on your fantasies, but not before.

Original poster
eviltart · 30/09/2009 21:44

typo: we DID talk seriously about separating, not we nearly talked seriously.

OP posts:
SardineQueen · 30/09/2009 21:45

I think your posting name is a bit hard on yourself, if you haven't acted on anything, too.

curiositykilled · 30/09/2009 21:45

There really is hardly ever a point in 'staying together for the kids'. Why have you given up trying to make it work? You must've gotten married for a reason in the first place.

CybilLiberty · 30/09/2009 21:47

The two things are separate issues. you need to get your marriage sorted/ended first then worry about fancying other men. It's just a symptom, not the cuase of your unhappiness by the sounds of it

Ronaldinhio · 30/09/2009 21:47

luckily my dh keeps gaining and losing weight fitness and a beard

tis often like shagging a completely different person

Original poster
eviltart · 30/09/2009 21:47

posting name is a name change. I am not a tart and never have been .
Shall I move this to Relationships?

OP posts:
Original poster
eviltart · 30/09/2009 21:49

PML ronaldinhio . Am in dire need of SOH injection

OP posts:
SardineQueen · 30/09/2009 21:50

I think you probably should.

Us night-time types are always very calm and reasonable.

You don't want to feel the wrath of the utterly unreasonable people who like to get up early.

SardineQueen · 30/09/2009 21:51
Ronaldinhio · 30/09/2009 21:52

I think honestly that things come in ebbs and flows (phnar phnar)
Quite often I feel nothing toward him for a few months later to think he's incredibly hot again...dunno it makes no sense but I do make an effort to spend time with him not being a mum or exhausted frazzled very part time guilty housefrau

Ronaldinhio · 30/09/2009 21:54

Everything is such a fucking cluster mind fuck
Not still hot for the same bloke after 2000 years shame on you!!!
Cut yourself some slack lay back and thing of the naughty Kings of Leon...sometimes I've been a very bad mormon indeed

Olive11 · 30/09/2009 21:54

How do you feel about him being with another woman? Only asking because it can be a good indication of whether your feelings for him are really over.

It sounds like you've had a tough time and if you really don't want to be with him then you need to do something about it but if it's about where you live and family etc. then maybe if you are honest with him about how you feel you might be able to change things.

Don't want to sound at all patronising just really feel sorry for the position you are in.

Original poster
eviltart · 30/09/2009 22:02

I would be DELIGHTED if he showed an interest in other women - and not because I'm into threesomes and kinky stuff.

Have moved this to Relationships.

OP posts:
FairLadyRantALot · 30/09/2009 22:05

I don't think you are doing anyhting wrong, tbh...because, a) you are not acting on it and tbh, considering that b) you are only still together because of the Kids, I think you are doing ratehr well...
fantasy is the only thing we sometimes have as an escape, and I htink it is healthy, within reason, to have fantasy's

Also, I fancy other blokes all the time...but I think it's no harm done really...as long as no one gets hurt...

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