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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be anoyed that other people think my baby should be sleeping through the night?

90 replies

Olive11 · 30/09/2009 14:00

ds is 17 weeks old and more and more frequently I am being asked whether he is sleeping through yet. The other day a very good friend of mine made the comment 'oh surely he is sleeping through by now!' When I say no I am then asked whether he is on solids yet - like this is the reason for him not sleeping through.

He is a very contented little boy who wakes once during the night for a feed because he is hungry! He then goes straight back to sleep. Is this not normal for a 17 week old? If it doesn't bother me then why should anyone else care?

Sorry for the rant but getting fed up with feeling like he is a bad baby and that everyone elses sleeps through from 12 weeks.

OP posts:

thumbwitch · 02/10/2009 06:59

no bruffin, not everyone is a liar who says their baby sleeps through at 12 weeks, of course not. But neither is it unusual for a baby NOT to be sleeping through by 12 weeks. In fact, by the general posting on here, I would say it is more unusual for them TO be sleeping through at 12 weeks than not.

The OP is NBU at all - this idea that all babies have to conform to some "norm" or standard pattern of behaviour is just so much bollocks. I wouldn't worry, OP - so long as your DS is happy and healthy, and so are you, tell'em to sod off and mind their own. Otoh, if you have been whinging about how little sleep you're getting, then they probably think they have some kind of right to ask.

Some parents get so stuck into the competitive parent syndrome that they have been known to exaggerate their baby's achievements as well - so don't take it so personally. Just because YOU are not lying, doesn't make EVERYONE absolutely truthful either.

Oblomov · 02/10/2009 07:59

i disagree with chocolate. I suppose that some people lie. but then some people are just liars anyway.
But generally i don't think people lie, about sleeping through.
does it really really grate you that some peoples babies sleep through at 12 weeks ?
obviously it does. but some do. plenty do. plenty ALSO don't.
Our PN thread is still running. loads of our babies slept through , when they were only a few weeks old. many are still not sleeping through at nearly a year. Surely you know deep down that this is the norm ?

girlsyearapart · 02/10/2009 08:17

Both mine slept through from 8-9 weeks.

Couldn't believe I was that lucky 2nd time around..

Well that one bit me on the bum when dd2 developed severe excema a week later and at age 1 frequently is up most of the night..

Yanbu but it's just one of those questions that people ask like the pregnancy When you due?/What you having?/what will you call it?/will you have more? etc

Original poster

Olive11 · 02/10/2009 09:26

bruffin - I think it is great that your dc's sleep so well and don't for one minute assume that you are lying about it. As I have already said my ds1 and dd were both sleeping through at 12 weeks also.

I also don't mind the general question about whether they do or do not sleep, as a lot of you have said, it's just making conversation.
The two things I find anoying are the shock when I say 'No' as though this is not normal and the suggestion that it is because I'm not yet giving him solids.

OP posts:

mummygirl · 02/10/2009 10:20

and if you started giving him solids then it would be something else:

"oh, you're spoiling him for picking him up every time he cries", "maybee you should try CC", "have you tried a warm bath before bed, add a drop of lavander", "you're obviously overdressing/underdressing him and he's uncomfortable", should I carry on?

kitbit · 02/10/2009 11:28

Bruffin, there are also hyper-competitive mums who do exaggerate to fit what they think is good progress by their babies. Both friends who said their babes slept through from very early, when pressed, admitted one was from midnight till 5, and the other from around 10 till early morning feed at 4.30ish. To them that probably was "sleeping through" as opposed to getting up every five minutes. I think a point a lot of people make on these threads is that it's all a matter of scale. Some babies DO sleep from bedtime at 7 right through until wakeup at 7am. Fantastic - but also normal to have a shorter "long sleep period". And new mums often panic if they haven't questioned further to find out what people actually mean.

Hence - easier just to say "yeeees" and smile vacantly

FleeBee · 02/10/2009 13:02

Bizarely this thread entered my head this morning. DD2 usually wakes around 4am has a quick feed and then goes back to sleep till 7.30 am. This morning she woke at 6,35am... So hooray she's 'slept through' for the first time (she's 20 weeks). Yet today I feel loads worse for starting the day at 6.35 than I ever have done at getting up for 15 mins at 4am.

I never thought I'd prefer my baby to wake in the night!!! Be careful what I wish for etc etc!!

kitbit · 02/10/2009 14:09

uurgh that hour makes all the difference!
Worse still, when ds DIDN'T wwake for his 4 am feed a few times I would still be wide awake myself, bolt upright and totally freaked out that something was amiss so I would end up out of bed anyway, usually gently then more insistently poking him to make him shuffle about a bit

mcfly79 · 02/10/2009 14:30

HATE that bloody question,and some nutter asked me it when my DD was FOUR weeks old,was in the initial throes of silent reflux and then when she threw up over my shoulder said 'Oh so she's not good for you then?'
GGGRRRRR,ashamed to admit I was smug in the extreme when the woman in question held DD up and my darling girl threw up into her mouth.

mummygirl · 02/10/2009 17:38

mcfly, my dd suffereed really badly from silent reflux as a baby. It had been suggested to me that she thows up beause I bounce her (to sleep) too roughly

mcfly79 · 02/10/2009 17:44

Mummygirl-just read your other post,we must know the same people!!!last week had someone suggest crumbling a bit of a RENNIE tablet into her bottle!!!!!yeah I'll get right on that.....

starwhores · 02/10/2009 17:52

my first two were sleeping through at this age, bf only.....

my second two took 15 months and 10 months and counting!

thumbwitch · 03/10/2009 00:01

kibit, I'm with you on that - my DS was such a quiet sleeper I couldn't hear him breathing sometimes so had to poke him if he hadn't woken up! Poor little mite

mcFly - that is poetic justice, hey!

I think everyone thinks they are some kind of expert when it comes to your first baby - because as a new mum, you don't KNOW what you're talking about so you don't KNOW that they're talking out their arse. Obviously you think it a lot of the time, and most of the time you are right but they still think they can get in there an imprint you with their "helpful advice".

RobynLou · 03/10/2009 00:04

just smile and say he sleeps really well. you're not lying and they'll shut up

WingedVictory · 05/10/2009 23:20

My lovely one is not a good sleeper, only started sleeping properly DURING THE DAY when we introduced breakfast (the last of the three meals). My aunt, a competitive grandmother whose 2nd grandchild was born at the same time as my son, asked me in her emphatic way, "Is he sleeping through yet?" I discovered later that the Perfect One was on formula (mine was bf), and the hungrier baby mix at that. Never assume people are comparing like with like; smug people are often disingenuously (or dishonestly) comparing completely different things! Even if you can't call them on this, I hope this thought makes you feel better!

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