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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be anoyed that other people think my baby should be sleeping through the night?

90 replies

Olive11 · 30/09/2009 14:00

ds is 17 weeks old and more and more frequently I am being asked whether he is sleeping through yet. The other day a very good friend of mine made the comment 'oh surely he is sleeping through by now!' When I say no I am then asked whether he is on solids yet - like this is the reason for him not sleeping through.

He is a very contented little boy who wakes once during the night for a feed because he is hungry! He then goes straight back to sleep. Is this not normal for a 17 week old? If it doesn't bother me then why should anyone else care?

Sorry for the rant but getting fed up with feeling like he is a bad baby and that everyone elses sleeps through from 12 weeks.

OP posts:
star6 · 30/09/2009 14:38

My 11 month old still wakes up at night sometimes when he's teething or just cold.
At 17 weeks he was up A LOT. Once per night sounds like a dream child.

Original poster
Olive11 · 30/09/2009 14:41

Thanks everyone, it's nice to know that it isn't just me

OP posts:
HappyInTheCity · 30/09/2009 14:43

YANBU cos it is sooooooo irritating

My two have only recently started sleeping properly and they are 8 and 10, that's years, not months

As babies, solids just gave them more energy to stay awake........
Crawling gave them more zest for life and therefore more reason to be awake.........
Starting school made their minds too busy - so too much to be awake for !!

I did all the right things at bedtime, oh yes indeed, and it annoyed me so much when smug concerned friends used to ask about whether they slept through.

My DH is one of those who needs a tiny amount of sleep ( I always say like Margaret Thatcher but he gets cross)

I reckon there are different conversations for different ages - yours is about sleeping, my age group talks about secondary education and braces, my friends are into gap years and applying for uni

Babies are who they are

BalloonSlayer · 30/09/2009 14:46

None of mine slept through until they were about a year old. They'd wake up to BF and go straight back to sleep. It wasn't a problem at all.

If you'd told me before I had children that when they slept through I would feel sad and miss that middle-of-the-night cuddle, just me and the baby, I believe I would have laughed in your face.

StealthPolarBear · 30/09/2009 14:46

If I thought DD would be waking once in 15 weeks time I'd be thrilled- and for a 2 week old she' really doing very well as far as sleeping goes.

kitbit · 30/09/2009 14:47

People only ask because it;s a big deal to THEM. Tell them what they want to hear. Put your head on one side, smile sweetly and say "ooooh YES he does". People have a weird ideaof what constitutes "sleeping through" anyway - and at 17 weeks it's very unusual not to wake up hungry, their tummies are so tiny!
Plus "sleeping through" can mean anything from a full 12 hour whack or just going through a key part of the night ie 11 till 3. So you're not really lying.

But do lie. It really saves your sanity. MIL used to ask all the time and it was so much easier than saying "well I held him in my arms until 10.30 then I sang a bit then I caved in and put him in the buggy, after which we got home and coslept till he woke for a feed at 4, then I rocked him some more".
"Yes" is SOOO much simpler

Original poster
Olive11 · 30/09/2009 14:52

at kitbit

OP posts:
penona · 30/09/2009 14:54

I think this is the sort of occasion that needs a lie.

A very good friend's DS slept through from 3 weeks, literally 12 hours (he was v big baby mind). She kept on and on telling me, every time we spoke she'd ask if my DTs were sleeping yet (they are a few months younger) They weren't, I told her and she'd give me some pitying comments.

2 years on and my DD sleeps but my DS is still unpredictable. The friend is no longer such a close one. She made me feel like a failure for months and it is very sad.

So, lie. I wish I had

Original poster
Olive11 · 30/09/2009 14:57

penona - yes it's the pitying comments that anoy me, I feel like I have to make excuses for ds.

that you lost a good friend over this.

OP posts:
verytiredmummy · 30/09/2009 14:57

My son isn't sleeping through the night and he's 29 months today. In fact, I would be very pleased indeed if he only woke up once - he sometimes wakes four or five times. So I think that not only is your son normal, he's wonderful!

Original poster
Olive11 · 30/09/2009 15:00

he's not wonderful, he's just done a big dirty nappy and now I'm going to be late picking the others up from school! Serves me right for being on here for the last hour

OP posts:
Alibabaandthe40nappies · 30/09/2009 15:03

DS is 14 months and still wakes once in the night (sometimes more if he is teething). Until about a month ago he was waking twice so once is a dream in comparison

mrsjuan · 30/09/2009 15:10

YANBU - I'm not sure what annoys me more - that or 'is she good?'

If you are going to lie, at least make it believable. My husband told an interfering work colleague that our 19week old daughter slept through from 6pm til 8pm. I think she fell for it though.

Asana · 30/09/2009 15:21

Ahem, my lovely soon-to-be 22wo DS wakes up at least TWICE between the hours of 11pm and 6am. He is still feeding every 3/4 hours.

Yesterday evening at 7:30pm, he had half a jar of HIPPs mixed vegetable medley* followed by a breastfeed and I settled on the sofa looking forward to my boobs having a bit of a rest. Erm, he fed again at 11pm, 2.30am and 6am! So much for solids being the magic answer to everything(!) [Then again, he is currently the size of an average 37 week old!]

YANBU. When they give you the usual solids rubbish, tell them that even after a full roast dinner followed by a full English breakfast, he is still waking up. The sarcasm alone will shut them up!

*Disclaimer - Please note that current Department of Health advice is not to start weaning until your baby is at least 6 months old.

kitbit · 30/09/2009 15:24

I also found "ooh THAT'S a good idea, I'll have a think about that one" said in a dreamy voice, also works well. You haven't refused the advice, and you also haven'[t given them something to argue against. Win-win.

pigletmania · 30/09/2009 15:30

By dd 2.6 years is still not sleeping through the night, i just tell them thats the way she is and that she will in time. I just hate those stickybeaks

porcamiseria · 30/09/2009 16:26

Gods its SO ANNOYING most baies wake in the night, end of. Tell them to fxxk off! I had the same thing with competitive NTC ppl, drove me to tears one time. It will happen when it happens and there aint much you can do about it. Interestingly it was my real friends that told me the awful nights they had, plus we have decided that alot of people lie about it. Plus TBH only one wake up at 17 weeks? Thats amazing! At 17 weeks it was 4-5 times with my DS

WoTmania · 30/09/2009 16:30

YANBU - drives me nuts too

LittleOneMum · 30/09/2009 16:32

YANBU but I'd get used to it. We are currently trying to potty train DS (2.0). I am SO tired of people saying 'Oh, isn't he potty trained yet?' and worst of all my Mum who innocently dropped in 'you were potty trained at 11 months, what's keeping him?' (aaarrrggghhhh! ). it's just something people do - they like trying to niggle you and the truth is that each child will do things are their own pace.
Just let it wash over you. There's no end of it to come : 'oh, did little Johnny make it into Oxford yet..' etc blah blah.

TheCrackFox · 30/09/2009 16:42

YANBU

Just lie. The only people who should be concerned with your baby's sleeping habits are the people who get up during the night. Probably you and DH.

belgo · 30/09/2009 16:44

YANBU. I just smile and say he's sleeping very well thank you -he's 11 months and still not sleeping through the night! - none of their business though.

Original poster
Olive11 · 30/09/2009 16:52

Oh no! I don't even want to think about pressure to potty train!

Good luck LittleOne

OP posts:
ConFuschias · 30/09/2009 17:18

God I hate that too. And the other question I hate is "is she a good baby?". She's a baby. Neither good nor bad. She just has needs, some of which are more challenging than other babies. Some which are easier.

Ineedmorechocolatenow · 30/09/2009 17:39

I agree LitleOneMum - the potty training questions..... DS (2.10) has been doing it for 3 months and is still having accidents. I fend off the questions about why it's taking so long, daily... aggggh!

IT'S TAKING SO LONG BECAUSE THAT'S THE WAY IT IS... NOW.... OFF YOU FUCK

cat64 · 30/09/2009 17:54

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