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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To have gone through last year's year book and got a photo of bullyboy so that....

32 replies

kreecherlivesupstairs · 28/09/2009 14:09

If the school hasn't spoken to him today, I can identify him and give him a good talking to?
DD has been bullyed on the school bus for about a fortnight, I finally got the whole story out of her and, reported it to the school. They are, so far, being very good but I want resolution today. I am waiting for an email from the head of middle school confirming that shithead has been dealt with. If I don't get this confirmation, AIBU to be planning to go to the school tomorrow and confronting bullytwatpot.

OP posts:

Pikelit · 28/09/2009 14:11

YABU. In addition to setting yourself up for charges of assault, how, exactly, is your confrontation of this child going to do other than make your son even more vulnerable?

LadyGlencoraPalliser · 28/09/2009 14:13

How old a child are we talking about here? I agree with Pikelit, YABU. You will do little good and could do a lot of harm.

seeker · 28/09/2009 14:14

What has he been doing?

pluto · 28/09/2009 14:15

YABU, although your desire to protect your DD is understandable.

The bully needs to be dealt with by the school (and the bus company should remove his pass)

MamaG · 28/09/2009 14:17

Give the school chance to deal with it kreech, don't go in all guns blazing!

How old is the boy and what has he been doing?

MadreInglese · 28/09/2009 14:17

YABU, it will probably take more than a day to resolve a bullying issue

You are understandably upset about this, and your poor DD must be too, but a knee-jerk reaction will not help anything, and will probably make things worse

See what the school come back with before you make any decisions, you'd probably be better going in and speaking to the teacher tomorrow than confronting the bully

Rantagonist · 28/09/2009 14:22

I think if the school is in the middle of dealing with it, it's probably better to wait on the outcome of this.

There are plenty of stages to go through in the official channels before you'd be justified in even considering taking things into your own hands.

If the school/LEA/governors really are just all hot air and don't do anything, you could perhaps have a word with the parents, if the school hasn't already? But in confronting a child, you could be mistaken for being a bully yourself, even though you want to twat the bastard for causing any harm/upset to your DD which I can fully understand.

claw3 · 28/09/2009 14:23

I know the feeling, how old is your dd?

and besides dealing with punishing the bully what are the school going to do to help your dd?

groundhogs · 28/09/2009 14:29

Oh, i hear you OP, we all know we would feel like that, exactly, but we can't just do that... Jeez they'd have to chain me up if anyone so much as looked at my DS... but I dare say I have all that to come... he's only 3..

Please let the school deal with it... at least give them the chance to do the right thing? Otherwise it could make the whole situation for everyone, so much worse.

Go off and scream your anger into a pillow, tell them off behind your closed bedroom door, only pretending they are there. It sometimes helps me if I'm really, really cross about something someone's done and I can't really pull them to pieces in RL.

Original poster

kreecherlivesupstairs · 28/09/2009 14:33

I think I knew I was BU, but. DD is 8.4 and uses the school bus, we are in Switzerland so it changes things slightly. He has terrorized her to a point where she had appendicitis this morning (only in her world, not rl) and was prepared to have a GA and appendicectomy rather than go anywhere near him. He is 12 and a total shitpotwankheadknobjockey. I will wait till tomorrow and if nothing has been done, go to the school and see management in person. TBF to the school, I only made the complaint this morning and have had three emails about it, but I want the wankshaft punished.
And breathe.

OP posts:

claw3 · 28/09/2009 14:40

What did the emails say?

edam · 28/09/2009 14:45

and the little git SHOULD be punished. Do hope school sorts this out.

The idea that you are 'setting yourself up for charges of assault' seem rather extreme, though, you were only planning to talk to the little sod!

I dunno, maybe the world was a better place when adults felt confident about telling other peoples' children off. No wonder grown ups have little authority over children these days.

Original poster

kreecherlivesupstairs · 28/09/2009 14:45

That they are dealing with it, one perpetrator is off at the moment, the other will be spoken to today. I think what I want is to know immediately he has been spoken to so I can reassure dd that she'll be safe on the bus tomorrow. For some reason she's got it into her head that the boy's father will get on the bus and beat her up. She has a rather vivid imagination.
So, I am off to collect her now and will resist temptation to look round to spy out twattybollocks.

OP posts:

kitbit · 28/09/2009 14:47

I remember your thread from last week and funnily enough wondered how things were going today!

If it were me I'd stick with taking her off the school bus until you have confirmation that it has been resolved. Is that the only danger place, or are there others? Would it help her if she knew she didn't have to go on the bus unprotected?

seeker · 28/09/2009 14:53

I'm not saying for a MOMENT that this is the same sort of situation, but please be careful about talking to the bully. A girl on the bus accused my dd of bullying her. It turned out to be a mixture of misunderstanding and an over vivid imagination, but the girl's mother waited at the bus stop and really laid into dd. She has still not really recovered her bounce and self-confidence 4 months later, and the relationships between the children on the bus will never really recover. And, crucially, the child who felt herself to be the victim was incredibly embarrassed and humiliated by the whole situation - she is a different child, very unhappy and not wanting to go to school and all the other children are now very wary of her. So tread carefully.

Morloth · 28/09/2009 14:53

Thing is if you speak to him and then nothing else is done you have set your DD up for more pain. I don't know what Swiss school culture is like but I remember when the mum of a girl who was bullied at our school talked to the bullies. It was worse for her after that, because they then went around and made sure no-one would go near her and it was like she had broken some sort of playground rule. It was stupid and barbaric but kids often are.

Be careful how you go.

claw3 · 28/09/2009 14:55

Kree - I really feel for you. My own ds who is 5.5 came home with strangulation marks around his neck, from a boy who is 3 years older than him. The boy had to miss some of his play time!

I hope you dd is ok and that you get it sorted.

mrsjammi · 28/09/2009 14:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

mamas12 · 28/09/2009 14:58

Why would your dd have to vacate the bus, you should ask that the bully be removed for your and others sake tbh.
Good luck

valhala · 28/09/2009 15:04

YANBU in the least (I speak as a parent sick of having her DD bullied and the school do very little), BUT you will be in deep shit and lead yourself and your child into possible repercussions if you do as you'd dearly like to.

If it wouldn't have a bad effect on you and your DC I would say go for it, if the school can't/won't do it, make damn sure you sort the little oik out, but I'm afraid you're going to have to deal with it in a far less heated way for your own sakes.

Good luck and I hope the school takes serious, positive action to safeguard your daughter.

Original poster

kreecherlivesupstairs · 28/09/2009 15:06

You are all right, mamas12, if anyone is to be off the bus it will be him. My dd is, for once, blameless - he is the person threatening ABH to her. I said before and will reiterte, I know I am being U, but can't help it. I think I'll drive her tomorrow but that leaves her younger friend with bollockbreath. Oh what to do?

OP posts:

Rantagonist · 28/09/2009 15:11

Have you talked to your DD's younger friends parents? Perhaps if more parents were to get onto the school they'd be less likely to try and brush it off?

IsItMeOr · 28/09/2009 15:12

Kreecher - just wanted to send big hugs to your DD, it is rotten being bullied, and you are doing everything you can right now to sort it out. Waiting is hard though.

Could you give her younger friend a lift to school as well until it's resolved?

mamas12 · 28/09/2009 16:06

That's a good idea rant organise the parents of other passengers.

Original poster

kreecherlivesupstairs · 29/09/2009 08:18

Quick update, bullyboy has been taken off the school bus. Hooray.
The idea of me taking the other girl to school is a good one, but she lives about 15 miles away up a bloody big mountain.

OP posts:

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