To think that if BIL thinks that blood is not thicker than water then we shouldn't bail him out financially

[tointerveneornot]

Namechanged due to paranoia of people who know about this in RL finding out my MN posting name.

Long story short - DH and his brother fell out almost a decade ago. It was over something fairly trivial, a petty squabble over a childhood girlfriend, basically.

BIL told DH then that he was dead to him (!) and they haven't spoken since. Over they years DH and I have made a few efforts to try to reconciliate - sending presents to his DC etc but they have never been acknowledged or reciprocated.

Fast forward to now and DH has a very well paid job, he made a lot of money in bonuses and we invested it well and are therefore mortgage-free and have a considerable amount of money in the bank.

BIL has just been made redundant, he can't pay the mortgage. PIL have suggested we help out BIL financially, so the kids don't lose their home.

As much as I have sympathy for their situation I don't see why DH, having been denied the opportunity of having any kind of relationship with BIL or his kids should have to stump up financially.

Thoughts?

I really don't think you should consider buying a percentage of their house. The resentment that could generate! I know it's illogical, but from the details you have given I think that you owning part of the roof over their head would lead to a who-do-you-think-you-are,-Lady-Bountiful? sort of an attitude. It would pretty much guarantee never having a decent relationship with your nieces/nephews.

I must agree with everyone who says that any loan would never be repaid. If you feel you must lend to him, ensure it is done properly via a solicitor. But still best not to.

Think you are doing the right thing. And agree with you that you shouldn't even think about it before he asks himself, anyway.

Thing is, lending the money could well breed resentment, as much as not lending the money would. Lending could mean BIL feels beholden to someone he already dislikes and resents.

I haven't read all of this (horrors) cos I have a life but frankly, reading your first post, there is only one answer, which is:

Dear BIL, in the nicest way, fuck off and leave us alone (like you have been happy to do for the last x years until you "reconsidered"). Frankly

If you get made redundant you will get a package - ranging from a few hundred pounds to a few thousand.

Then you claim job seeker and eventually when your redundancey money has gone you claim other money from the goverment.

If you start receiving gifts of money from family friends - then this money would need to be declared, possibly then your benifits need to either be stopped or decreased to account for the money that has been gifted.

Apart from that why do your PIL fell that they can spend another member of the families money? I am shoked that thy would think like this, it seems a bit like a guilt trip and there actiuons are out of order.

thesecondcoming we have savings we could eek out for 2 years, and after that, that's what benefits are for. If we lost our house, yes that would be devastating, but that is our responsbility, no one elses.

IvyKaty

IME people who accept money/services (like, for example, several £1,000s of legal advice) from their rellies dont give a monkeys about guilt trips or the rest of it. not like the rest of us would, that is.

Says the donor of £1000s of the advice, who never even got a thank you very much, not that I am bitter. Just glad I don't have siblings and can only moan about DHs'.

Maybe a nominal some to help them out for a bit, sort of wave the olive branch, be the bigger man etc etc etc, don't they know you have £?