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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that if I choose not to drink whilst pregnant people should just leave me to it!?!?

34 replies

AngelaCarleen · 26/09/2009 08:31

Grrrr!!! I'm visiting my in-laws and they're giving me a really hard time about not drinking. Sorry should have said I'm 20 weeks pregnant.

I don't make a big deal about not drinking, or sit here going on about what I'm sacrificing for the sake of my baby, I just don't drink. I don't have anything against people who do drink, but I choose not to do it myself.

Both my MIL and FIL (and SIL and BIL) roll their eyes at me and say that it's a wonder we're not all dead as MIL and SIL both drank when they were pregnant and their kids are fine. I'm not critisising their choices, but why do they have to critisise mine?

I'm biting my tongue at the mo, but its hard work.

OP posts:
LynetteScavo · 26/09/2009 08:37

GRrr!

This is probably the start of many years of differeing opinion on what is / isn't a good way to raise a child.

Sorry!

bubblagirl · 26/09/2009 08:38

say nothing rise above it and just try and get through your visits it would be easy to go into huge debate but they would know the facts anyway so no point just say you dont want to and leave it at that

Boys2mam · 26/09/2009 08:40

Oh YA SO NBU

It is one of my most guilty memories that I was like this with one of my friends when she was PG with her DD. As soon as I fell PG with my DS2 I realised how I had changed my feelings since DS1 and felt like a right idiot for trying to force a glass of wine on her each Fri.

Can DH not chime in and tell them to hush up?

ilovemydogandmrobama · 26/09/2009 08:40

People tend to take actions/decisions as a comment on theirs.

If it was me, I'd probably say something sarky like, 'well, we know so much more now...' if they repeat the 'didn't do me any harm...'

Original poster
AngelaCarleen · 26/09/2009 08:44

DH is away, but probably wouldn't say anything anyway. He doesn't like to upset his mum.

Tried that Ilovemydog, thats when they said it's a wonder we're not all dead.

OP posts:
KIMItheThreadSlayer · 26/09/2009 08:46

Show them the info about alcohol dependent babies.
I think they are being stupid, drinking while pregnant may not have harmed their babies but it has obviously cost them a few brain cells.

MarthaFarquhar · 26/09/2009 08:56

YANBU
I went teetotal whilst pregnant.

When offered a drink, I just said "no thanks, I'm not drinking this evening".

the reply was invariably
"but you are allowed, you know"
"one won't hurt"
"it's perfectly safe to have a couple"

I KNOW, BUT IT'S NOT FLIPPIN' COMPULSORY.

why can't people just smile and proffer the san pellegrino?

ilovemydogandmrobama · 26/09/2009 09:00

Then what about the straight forward approach, 'I don't want my DC to turn out like you lot...' Or could say, 'my DH supports my decision, sorry you don't...'

You do realize that this is just the first of many comments about your choices. Whether you b/f or f/f, when you wean, where you send them to school..

Seuss · 26/09/2009 09:04

You could try 'I've gone right off booze since being pregnant, even a sniff makes me huuuuuuuuuuuuurrrrrr.....' and run from the room.

Original poster
AngelaCarleen · 26/09/2009 09:05

I'm just glad visits are well spread out, we live 400+ miles away from them so most of their 'comments' will have to be via phone. I already have a long list of 'get off the phone' excuses (sorry got to go, cat's just jumped in the oven, rabbit ran up the chimney -that kind of thing )

OP posts:
Original poster
AngelaCarleen · 26/09/2009 09:05

Might try that one next time Seuss

OP posts:
HSMM · 26/09/2009 09:11

My own mother brought me a bottle of low alcohol wine, to 'help me through'. I was not suffering withdrawel symptoms and I was not an alcoholic, so why should I suddenly NEED a drink of alcohol? I managed to get through 9 months of being offered assorted alcohol and not drink any (did have a bit of a craving for beer in the last month and my lovely DH got me some alcohol free lager).

echt · 26/09/2009 09:22

Whatever happened to accepting someone's no for no, pregnant or not?

It's bloody rude to insist on offering a drink which has been refused, and no reason need be given for a refusal. Ever.

sarah293 · 26/09/2009 09:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

ChasingSquirrels · 26/09/2009 09:33

ditto Riven. People just seem so uncomfortable with it and are sometimes desperate to get you to drink something.

BertieBotts · 26/09/2009 09:36

I get this all the time because I don't drink much anyway (and don't drink at all while pg) - I find it really annoying, it's like they think you must really secretly be wanting it but feel guilty, so they are trying to say it's ok. (Once should be enough for them to make a point though!) If I am being non-confrontational I just say something like "No thanks, I don't really like the taste/have gone off it".

BTW, if your inlaws are like this about drinking in pregnancy, make sure you are well informed if you want to breastfeed as it's likely they'll be offering all sorts of "advice" about giving that poor starving baby a bottle (with anything from brandy to rusk mixed in!)

HecatesTwopenceworth · 26/09/2009 09:37

Would it be too rude to just say "Look. Why do you care what I choose to drink? How does it affect you if I drink a lemonade instead of a gin and tonic?" How does it hurt you either way?"

ReneRusso · 26/09/2009 09:48

How very rude they are. They are just trying to make themselves feel better about drinking during pregnancy.

LyraSilvertongue · 26/09/2009 09:55

I'd be very tempted to tell them exactly what you said in the OP.
But if you're keen to avoid a confrontation and just want to shut them up, tell them you've gone off alcohol since you became pregnant, that it makes you feel sick. Even they can't argue with that one.

shonaspurtle · 26/09/2009 09:55

YANBU. I don't understand this need that our culture has for pressing alcohol on people pregnant or not.

Do you want some wine? No thanks. Not complicated.

AmazingBouncingFerret · 26/09/2009 10:03

Damned if you do, damned if you dont.
You cant bloody win.

groundhogs · 26/09/2009 10:06

YANBU.

How about "If I wanted a drink, I would have one. I Don't want one. Simple."

I can't bear this culture of everyone trying to cajole everyone else into what THEY think is correct, without being asked to in the first place.

echt You're right, it's plain rude to insist.

thedollshouse · 26/09/2009 10:13

YANBU.

I have never come across this. Everyone just assumed that I won't be drinking. When I was pregnant with ds it was summer and I sat outside our local pub and had a couple of bottles of non-alcoholic Becks and the disapproving looks I had from other people was enough to put me off.

My IL's are very anti drinking and when we went out recently I had a glass of grape juice in a wine glass, I like drinking from a wine glass. My MIL was not happy with that, she said "surely you can go nine months without having to drink out of a wine glass" You can't win.

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 26/09/2009 10:14

Either tell them to butt out and you are making the choices that suit you. Or if you want to be diplomatic tell them that alcohol makes you sick/gives you heartburn, otherwise you would love to have a glass of wine....

FWIW I would have loved to have a glass of wine towards the end but everything gave me heartburn and wine was the worst!

warthog · 26/09/2009 10:17

i think if they did it one more time i'd lose my rag.

slam fist on table.

'i'm doing the best i can for my baby. if you lot can't understand that then i shall just go home. i'm TIRED of not feeling WELCOME around here.'

look at them each in turn.

calmly: 'i'd love a fruit juice please.'

smile.

'glad that's settled then.'