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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think parents behaving like bitchy 11 year olds should get an arsing life??

24 replies

boundarybabe · 25/09/2009 15:36

There are several free baby groups in our area and while my usual one is really nice there is one slightly further away that I went to a while back and it felt rather cliquey - most people were nice but I felt unwelcome IYKWIM. I mentioned this at my regular group and most of the other mums said they felt the same when they went. So we decided to go mob-handed this week. Again most people are fine but there are two mums in particular who sit and whisper between themselves - it's bloody obvious they are talking about other people at the group. Now, this sort of behaviour doesn't upset me as such - in fact it tends to make me want to feed DS a Bic Mac in front of them and then announce loudly that I agree with corporal punishment.

But it irritates me that I let it annoy me - at least if they saved their bitching for home everyone would be happy. Do they genuinely think it's acceptable to sit and so obviously talk about others right in front of them? I am now sitting thinking of devious ways to piss them off whilst making myself look like a god of parenting. Any ideas ?

OP posts:

bigchris · 25/09/2009 15:44

are you sure they are sitting there bitching about everyone?
because that is just wierd

Original poster

boundarybabe · 25/09/2009 15:47

Yep - lots of covert glancing about, nodding towards other people, huffing if someone dares get in their way. One of them is defo 'Head Girl'. Today I think they had the huff because we sat in their usual spot on the mat. Seriously.

OP posts:

Seabright · 25/09/2009 15:50

Maybe your mob-handed group could all sit, wisper & look funny at them? Taste of their own medicine?

famishedass · 25/09/2009 15:52

Plank yourself right between the pair of them and start chatting away and stay there for the whole session.

pagwatch · 25/09/2009 15:54

YANBU

If they are sitting at a baby group bitching like 11year olds they are completely out of order.
They should be on mumsnet which is the proper place to bitch about other people.

I [love] ironic threads

seeker · 25/09/2009 16:10

People do spend a lot of time worrying about what other people are hypotheticaly saying about them, don't they?

Stigaloid · 25/09/2009 16:13

er...so people are acting like 11 year olds and your reaction is to....act like an 11 year old and exact revenge?

Why not confront them next time and say - i have ears, i can hear you. If you have something to say about me, say it to my face.

Original poster

boundarybabe · 25/09/2009 16:16

I realise the irony Pagwatch!!

Thing is, that's the point - I wouldn't mind if they sat and bitched in their own homes. I'd just rather they didn't make me (and everyone else) feel uncomfortable in a public place to which they have no greater right than anyone else.

I quite like the idea of sitting between them. If I had any balls (I don't, sadly) I would make snide remarks about their parenting at the same time. Mwahahahaha.

OP posts:

Original poster

boundarybabe · 25/09/2009 16:18

Stigaloid - where's the fun in that??

Anyway, My bitching is at least 13 year old standard.

Seeker - I don't give a shit what they are saying, I just think they ruin the group dynamic, and that's a shame.

OP posts:

YouLukaStunning · 25/09/2009 16:25

Maybe they are shy and don't feel brave enough to chat to others? or they're best of friends and this is the only chance they get to get together and have a gossip while their dc play with the toys?

Just ignore them

I also hate cliquey toddler groups though. Brings out all my own insecurities

Jude68 · 25/09/2009 18:44

I'd just go up to them and join in their conversation, refuse to leave and make it impossible for them to continue their bitchy two woman clique without looking truly pathetic. Seriously...that's what I'd do.

Jude68 · 25/09/2009 18:45

Good idea.

Confuzzeled · 25/09/2009 18:57

Why go to this group if they annoy you?

If you know the other mum's enough to arrange a meet up then why not take it in turns to meet up at each others houses.

Toy rotation, better tea, build stronger friendships.

Baby groups are over rated once you've met some people you can call friends.

Jude68 · 25/09/2009 19:01

Perhaps her kid/s likes them. My daughters enjoy toddler groups much more than I do but I go to them for their sakes.
Not everyone wants the rotational hassle of having their homes taken over by other people's kids (even one more can feel like a room full) and my daughters love the painting, gluing and play doh at groups...stuff I can't bear to clear up at home.

TheBalladofGayTony · 25/09/2009 19:03

thank christ this shit is behind me. you all need to get some sleep and eventually a life

pigletmania · 25/09/2009 19:17

YANBU i cannot stand it either. At our mums and tots gorup there were a couple of mums like that (cliquy not rude), they were not very friendly, i did try and be nice and talk to them but they were just cold and did not want to know. Their dcs have gone to school/nursery now yipee so they no longer go and the group is so much more relaxed, somehow they just ruined the dynamic.

I read about the curse of the yummy mmummy, as seen in London and the suburbs and in the home Counties, if you are percieved to be dressed the wrong way, are overweight or fat , or do not know the right people, you are frozen out and are looked upon with distaste, your kids are not invited to their parties. If you thow a party that is not to their taste they will gossip like school children, IMO just sad really

scottishmummy · 25/09/2009 19:25

thank god i work and never encounter such harridans

seeker · 25/09/2009 19:29

Because of COURSE it's only women who don't work outside the home who are ever bitchy or unfriendly.

scottishmummy · 25/09/2009 19:31

pipe down ft work means i dont attend playgroups

ginnny · 25/09/2009 19:41

I started a toddler group of my own because I was so sick of the bitchiness at the 'church' groups in my area!
I sat in someone's seat on my first visit to one once, the looks I got would have frozen hell. I couldn't wait to leave but ds was so happy I had to stay right to the sing along bit at the end.
The Mum whos seat I took takes her dd to my son's school and she still scowls at me to this day.
Utterly pathetic!! So glad those days are gone.

ChunkyKitKat · 25/09/2009 19:55

Shyness can come across as rudeness, and some cliquey people are just comfortable with the people they know already and aren't interested in anybody new because it's too much effort.

I've heard mums I used to know say "I've made my friends now!" Not interested in anybody else.

scottishmummy · 25/09/2009 20:03

i imagine such folk were cliques at school too.

pigletmania · 25/09/2009 20:43

My goodness how narrowminded and closed these people are, so you meet a lovely person but say no i cant be your friend because iv made my friends already Fancy that mum who scould because someone sat in HER seat, pathetic, they belong in school not the adult world.

Jude68 · 25/09/2009 20:45

There's a waiting list for my local "church" toddler group. A freaking waiting list my toddlers can not even go on until January!!! The reason? If they let just anyone turn up then their "regular" mums, presumably the ones who put their unborn kids names down years ago might find they couldn't get in because it was too busy if they got there late.
What a load of arse! If you can't get to a toddler group on time then you've frig all chance of getting your kid to school on time.

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