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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to expect my mum to show SOME tact?

12 replies

booyhoo · 20/09/2009 21:53

ds2 is 4 months old next weekend. so far i havent lost all my baby weight, im breastfeding and dont want to start drastically dieting.

i thought i was hiding it well. clearly not as tonight while i was making a cup of tea my mum out of the blue says, "whats with the belly?"

tbh i felt like bursting into tears and running out of the house, but i didnt. i just said "well incase you hadnt noticed i had a baby."

im really hurt by this, of all people to say this i never expected it from her. the whole night i was so conscious of it and i couldnt wait to get home and change into my baggy jammies.

she fails to see why im upset.

OP posts:
StealthPolarBear · 20/09/2009 21:54

4 months!! I still have one from DS. I gave birth the day before yesterday, but that was to DD - DS was 2 years ago!
What did she say - good response btw!

DoingTheBestICan · 20/09/2009 21:55

Fuckin hell she should come & see me then,my ds is 3 & i still have a nice mummy belly.

You have my sympathies.

Firawla · 20/09/2009 21:56

YANBU!!!
anyone would be upset, not a nice comment

Original poster
booyhoo · 20/09/2009 21:59

she said, "im just saying, its not like you to have a belly."

which is true- before i had children!!

she sees me every week, its not as though this is the first time she's seen me since i gave birth. i dont understand the lack of tact. she's strugled with her weight all my life but i would never ever say anything to her about it. its really hurt that she doesnt think that would affect me.

OP posts:
pushmepullyou · 20/09/2009 22:02

Pah. I still have nearly a stone to go and a nearly 10 month DD. It's normal for it to take a while. I am aiming for pre-preg weight by DD's first birthday, but am not going to beat myself up if I don't make it.

There are far more important things going on for you at the moment, and I speak as a life long (pre baby) size 8 with a horror of being fat!

babyicebean · 20/09/2009 22:07

Send her round here - I have the baby belly from the eldest and she is 6, the next two just added to it.

Remember it take 9 MONTHS to get the mummy tummy so 9 MONTHS to get it off is fine.He is 4 months so you have time yet.

My kids like my mummy pillow, it goes with the mummy airbags which means they have 1 each.

Original poster
booyhoo · 20/09/2009 22:08

oh i know its not important in the grand scheme of things but for my mum to actually point it out as if i can actually help it. as if i went to the wardrobe, chose this particular belly for today and put it on.

OP posts:
Goblinchild · 20/09/2009 22:10

'she's strugled with her weight all my life but i would never ever say anything to her about it.'

Maybe you should, then say that you were only supporting her in recognising her need to lose weight as it's a long time since she had her baby.

Original poster
booyhoo · 20/09/2009 22:18

the thing is goblin, i dont think she needs to lose weight, she's a healthy size 16 and it obviously the weight that her body is meant to be so i wouldnt say anything. its her that has the issue with it which is why it really astounds me that she even would dream of mentioning my belly. (btw, i am also healthy size 12 but it isnt what i'm comfortable with and would prefer to tone up a bit)

OP posts:
LadyLaLa · 20/09/2009 22:42

This may be totally harsh, not knowing your mum, but this is what I think (reading between lines from what you have said): Your mum is a little jealous of your usual slim figure especially as she struggles with her own weight and is (unconsciously or subconsciously) pleased at the pointing out the fact you now have a belly, even though it's perfectly acceptable so soon after having a baby.

I would not rise to this as it'll only give her pleasure on some dark female subconscious level far away from being a loving mum. I would airily say "Oh I expect I'll lose it soon enough, at least it's just a bit of baby belly - easier to lose than a long-term one!" and then ask her how her diet plans are going recently.

Original poster
booyhoo · 20/09/2009 22:49

lady i have a feeling you are spot on. it disappoints me though. i didnt ever think my mum would do that to me. i know women can and do point out other peoples flaws (unconsciously) to make themsleves feel better, but mums shouldnt do that, should they?

i shouldnt really be surprised, i have found my mum to be much less supportive since ds2 was born. this is probably just another tick on her list. are you allowed to be disappointed with your mum. i suppose its payback for all the times ive disappointed her over the years.

OP posts:
LadyLaLa · 20/09/2009 23:34

I know it's disappointing but hey, even our mums can be prone to the odd flaw of character. Perhaps (speculating wildly here) she is going through the menopause while you are having DC2, maybe that has irked her irrationally and stirred up unmotherly feelings/comments at other thorny issues ie weight.

Just pretend you don't care, in fact foster a bit of internal sympathy that she must feel so fragile she has to pick on a new mum and her own daughter to boot. She probably doesn't mean it but she is unlikely to admit she hasn't been nice so don't give her the satisfaction. Let off steam on here instead and bowl your best "hey, ain't I gorgeous" back at her. In fact here's an idea. Tell her how chuffed you are because the weight's dropping off you and your old shape is returning really fast. Even if you don't actually feel or believe this it will irk her something bad to hear it

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