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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To Have taken DS1 to the police station over this latest incident?

82 replies

TheLadyEvenstar · 17/09/2009 21:23

DS1 started secondary on the 7th Sept. He loves it BUT

second day there his p.e shorts were stolen
fourth day there he was hit by a group of 15 yr 8 boys because he had stood on a coin
seventh day there yr 8 boy punches him in the stomach because its fun apparently

Today he phones and asks if he can go to football trials, so i say yes (feeling happy that he has finally took an interest in sport!)
I expect him to call at 4.30 to say he is on way home, by 4.45 i am frantic as he did not call, I called him to be told by him he was looking for another gate out as one of the yr7 boys had threatened him. So I told him to put his phone away and just get home asap so i knew he was safe. I hung up the phone and within minutes had a feeling that something was wrong with him so i called back he was in a panic because said boy was coming at him across the grass. A couple of other boys from his class caught up with him and asked him what was wrong so he quickly explained while i was on the phone and they then walked with him halfway to the bus stop.
Thats when I went off the phone. At this point the said child caught up to where he was and followed him the rest of the way to the bus stop as ds1 was about to get on the bus he looked behind him and this child punched him in the stomach winding him.

Now I didn't know this but something made me call him and he was in tears, so i met him at the stop and took him to police station to report it as a crime. The police are going to investigate it and are also contacting the school about the other incidents as I have had no joy with them sorting things out. We were told this is a case of ABH and that they were taking it seriously.

AIBU to have done this?

OP posts:

Original poster

TheLadyEvenstar · 18/09/2009 07:48

Hi All, sorry for not replying again last night. I fell asleep on the sofa lol a mix of pain killers through the day and sheer exhaustion.

DS1 is not going to school today and I am waiting for 8am to call them and explain why. Wish me Luck.

OP posts:

snapple · 18/09/2009 08:13

Good luck and I hope you and your ds get to rest up today.

Original poster

TheLadyEvenstar · 18/09/2009 08:15

Snapple lol no rest with a party to get ready for tomorrow!!! it is ds2's birthday today so got an excited 2 yr old here lol.

OP posts:

snapple · 18/09/2009 08:22

ok well sending you waves of energy then

kittycatty · 18/09/2009 08:28

omg your poor son and you, hope you get this sorted soon.

abra1d · 18/09/2009 08:29

Good luck!

weegiemum · 18/09/2009 08:40

Hope it goes well today for you and ds.

Do follow up any verbal complaint in writing, and keep a dated copy yourself. I have heard of instances where emails about this sort of thing go "missing".

Also, think about taking someone with you when you go to see the head (and you must insist on seeing him/her), so that you have moral support and also a witness to anything that is said.

Well done for the police taking it seriously. Hope your poor ds can get over this and get back into enjoying school.

kreecherlivesupstairs · 18/09/2009 09:13

That is shocking. I am lucky to be living in a very safe (dullboringdull) place, but we are considering a move back to the UK. I know that all this knife crime, random violence, murders, rapes etc etc are exagerated by the newspapers, but, what you have described is chilling.
I'm sure you've spoken to someone by now and I hope it went well.
YANBU.

Sassybeast · 18/09/2009 09:21

Your poor little lad. YANBU at all - makes me so angry to hear stuff like this.

Lovemyshoes · 18/09/2009 09:30

I think you did the right thing taking him to the police station.

I also think that alot of schools do not take bullying seriously, one of my friends had to change schools as her 6 year old dd was constantly going home with bruises and uniform ripped, all by the same 6 year old boy, when the mother went the headmistress, she was informed, 'they are too young to bully, it is playground antics'.

I, on the otherhand, didn't go to the headmistress when someone was frightening dd2 (she is 7, he is nearly 11), I had a quiet word with the child and then went straight to the childs mother,who said 'my son would never do such a thing'. I nicely explained that whatever her son did to my dd, I would do to her. Funnily enough it stopped that day.

I know I was probably in wrong, but, the problem was solved instantly and dd is now enjoying school again.

GColdtimer · 18/09/2009 09:37

Good for you for reporting it and I hope the police take it seriously too.

Buda · 18/09/2009 09:44

YANBU. Both the police and schools need to take these matters seriously. I think schools in particular need to come down harder. The rights of the thugs always seem to come before the rights of their victims.

But it really makes you wonder why. Why is this particular boy doing this? What on earth does he get out of following a younger boy and punching him in the stomach? It really makes my blood run cold.

Lemonylemon · 18/09/2009 09:44

YANBU - I've had a year of this. My DS is now in Year 8 and I have my fingers crossed that it's not going to start up again....

I have been to the school and I've had meetings and I've been very polite (but forceful) about it all and the police have been involved in a couple of instances.

My son has also been racially abused as well as has been the victim of a happy slapping incident on the playground.

I don't take it lying down and I will kick up merry hell and get the little b'stards punished for being tossbags.....

katiestar · 18/09/2009 09:46

YA absolutely NBU
How frightening for your poor DS. Hopefully the police will scare these boys into realising that bullying isn't a game.
I don't think you advice to him was good tough LES , I think when he thought boys were laying in wait for him , he should have gone back to school to find an adult.

lal123 · 18/09/2009 09:49

YANBU - haven't read all the posts so apologies if its been said before - but imagine this was someone who follwed you or DP home after threatening to assault you - and then did - would you think twice about phoning the police?

Dazmum · 18/09/2009 09:54

You have absolutely done the right thing, and your friend is totally wrong. I have a new year 7 DS and I'd be reacting the same way if this had happened to him. Your poor DS, hope things really improve for him, it's hard enough starting a new school without this happening.

devotion · 18/09/2009 09:56

Not at all.

Your poor son, brought tears to my eyes reading that.

I went to rough schools and I never had to experience that - that is truly awful.

Your son sounds so sweet too, after the first incident most kids would not want to go back.

He needs to know that this is not ok and it should not happen and he does not deserve it.

Those little sh**s deserve whatever they get.

The more people tell the police about these things and the more incidents go on the history of these horrible kids the better.

Take it as far as you can!

Big hugs to your son too.

I dread when my dd's are this age, I would just want to get hold of those brats myself!!!

These days you cant do that without gett arrested. My younger sister (then 12/13) was bullied at school by a group of girls and took ages to tell us. One saturday she was out on her bike with a friend and they bumped into the girls, they chased her and pushed her off her bike onto a busy road. She came home in tears. My sister then in 20's got on her bike and went looking for the girls with my sisters friend. She grabbed the girl by the scruff of her neck and told her the next time she so much as looked at my sister she would find her and teach her a lesson she wont forget.

The girl as you can imagine was terrified! She left my sister totally alone after that. It served her right and although my sister would probably get arrested for that these days it worked! I think bullies should be treated head on inb a language they understand. All this pussy footing around them does not work and the poor child getting bullied has to endure it longer than they should!

It should be a crime to bully and if proved guilty should go on a childs record.

anniemac · 18/09/2009 10:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

thesunshinesbrightly · 18/09/2009 10:37

oh no my heart goes out too you and your son it must be awful for you both, i would go to the police.

i am also sick of the bullies targeting my son because he is polite, well behaved and doesnt get led astray, i am thinking of teaching him at home their is only so much a child can take.

Mybox · 18/09/2009 10:41

yanbu - the kids parents should be made responsible for their young thugs behaviour. Hope your ds is ok

Original poster

TheLadyEvenstar · 18/09/2009 11:49

Well I finally got an answer from the school at 8.35. They were in agreeance that this is unacceptable and have said they will talk to the child in question. They also said they would move ds1 to another class, to which i said no why should he be made to leave the friends he has made when he is innocent. SO they said they can't move the other boy as he is in the dyslexic programme which means if they move him they will have to move all 3 children on the same programme, personally I can't believe they only have 3 children in the school who are dyslexic. However when I explained that ds1 was very hurt and upset over this they agreed to him staying home today and for me to send him into school on monday. I have said one more incident and I will be reporting the school to the local council and also ofsted as well as the local paper will have a field day with the story, and oddly enough the school are more than willing to work with myself and the police to ensure this stops asap. I also told them if i was forced to move his school then I would sue the school for lack of care as they have now been contacted 3 times by myself to inform them of this happenening.

Ok so i went a bit OTT with the school but i needed them to know i was not taking this laying down.

Thanks all of you!!!

OP posts:

Mybox · 18/09/2009 11:57

Good going.

What is the school going to do about involving the other kids parents in this. If the bully is on a special programme the parents should be even keener (hopefully if proper parents)to put a stop to the bullying if he could be expelled.

kreecherlivesupstairs · 18/09/2009 11:58

Good for you . It's not too early for a glass of celebratory wine there is it?

Original poster

TheLadyEvenstar · 18/09/2009 12:05

Kreech lol ohh i have vodka here but no wine is it too early for that??

OP posts:

foxytocin · 18/09/2009 12:06

Before that glass of wine, write a neutral letter summarising the content of your conversations and post it to them by recorded delivery. Invite them to acknowledge your letter, saying something like you would welcome any feedback on your letter and expressing that you would like to be take part in working out a positive outcome for all involved.

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