Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

To Have taken DS1 to the police station over this latest incident?

82 replies

TheLadyEvenstar · 17/09/2009 21:23

DS1 started secondary on the 7th Sept. He loves it BUT

second day there his p.e shorts were stolen
fourth day there he was hit by a group of 15 yr 8 boys because he had stood on a coin
seventh day there yr 8 boy punches him in the stomach because its fun apparently

Today he phones and asks if he can go to football trials, so i say yes (feeling happy that he has finally took an interest in sport!)
I expect him to call at 4.30 to say he is on way home, by 4.45 i am frantic as he did not call, I called him to be told by him he was looking for another gate out as one of the yr7 boys had threatened him. So I told him to put his phone away and just get home asap so i knew he was safe. I hung up the phone and within minutes had a feeling that something was wrong with him so i called back he was in a panic because said boy was coming at him across the grass. A couple of other boys from his class caught up with him and asked him what was wrong so he quickly explained while i was on the phone and they then walked with him halfway to the bus stop.
Thats when I went off the phone. At this point the said child caught up to where he was and followed him the rest of the way to the bus stop as ds1 was about to get on the bus he looked behind him and this child punched him in the stomach winding him.

Now I didn't know this but something made me call him and he was in tears, so i met him at the stop and took him to police station to report it as a crime. The police are going to investigate it and are also contacting the school about the other incidents as I have had no joy with them sorting things out. We were told this is a case of ABH and that they were taking it seriously.

AIBU to have done this?

OP posts:

ceasar04 · 17/09/2009 21:44

Sorry your DS has had these few boys spoil what seems to have been a really positive start to Y7.
A big part of my job is to deal with things like this so I would recommend that you speak to the school in the morning and ask to speak to DS's head of year/year manager/pastoral leader whatever the pastoral team are called (my team is the community pastoral team

Be firm and assertive about your expectations also make sure you tell school there were other children who witnessed the incident, its very helpful to staff dealing with it to have plently of info before talking the kids themselves.

Also make reference the school's anti-bullying policy, they definitley should have one.

In terms of the police following up the complaint, my guess is that they will refer it to the school's police liason officer (if you have one) or the police constable for that area and he/she will deal with it in conjunction with the school. And good practise is that if incidents happen on the way to or from school then it definitley is a school matter.
If you have no joy with school then a letter to the deputy head/headteacher or governors should get things moving.

Hope it all works out for you both x

Starbear · 17/09/2009 21:48

Sorry, just caught this thread before I go to bed. TheLadyEvenstar If you are in the Met Area almost all Secondary Schools will have a Safer Schools Officer, a Police Officer allocated to look after your school. The school should know the name of that Officer. He/she can guide you though what options you have and should have very good communication with the school. In the morning call your Borough Police Station and ask for the name of that officer and when they are on duty and their contact number (some are part-time)
Sorry I must go to bed now,early start. Good luck.

lou33 · 17/09/2009 21:50

definitely stand your ground, my friend's ds was shot at by a boy with a bb gun this afternoon walking from school to mine (she had an appointment)

he turned up at mine and burst into tears, but wouldnt let me do anything about it, just wanted to wait til his mum arrived

she immediately called the police too

they are taking it seriously

i do hope it gets resolved soon

ilovesprouts · 17/09/2009 21:53

YANBU ,hope hes ok know !

ceasar04 · 17/09/2009 21:53

BTW
"its definitley a school matter"

I don't mean that police shouldn't be involved, they should but have heard of some school saying as was not on school grounds its nothing to do with them etc..
And whether you should keep him off is a tricky one, I reckon the best policy is to ring first thing, explain situation and say you will be happy to send him in once you know things are getting resolved but not until then. Hopefully they will invite you both in for a meeting tomorrow and he can go to lessons after that feeling more confident.

pigletmania · 17/09/2009 21:57

lady, i would go personally to see the head teacher, yes see if they have an antibullying policy and then slap them with it. at the end of the day if nothing is being done and your ds is still unhappy i would change schools if you can and also report to the police. i am sorry i am not much help my only dc is only 2.6 years, and fortunately nothing like that has never happened to me at school, except for name calling but nothing physical.

pigletmania · 17/09/2009 22:00

good advice from ceasar and others on here. bless your poor ds, my friends ds 11 years had some problem with older boys at his new school, think they grabbed him, ripped his tie off and were generally not very nice.

2Shoots · 17/09/2009 22:00

You've done the right thing.Keep supporting your son.Give him a big hug and also one foryou

Northernlurker · 17/09/2009 22:04

How awful for you both. You've done the right thing - your child has been at school for ten days and has been repeatedly assaulted - you couldn't have done anything else.

foxytocin · 17/09/2009 22:05

stand your ground. getting the police involved may give the school a kick up the arse to get serious with anti bullying measures. since it happened off site, the school can't object to police involvement.

Heated · 17/09/2009 22:07

Caesar & Starbear give really good advice. My father's school is in Camden and they have their own policeman who deals with all these kind of matters, as well the school taking action themselves - usually involving both sets of parents, head of year and the head. Although the incident itself may have occurred outside of school, it began inside school and involves two of its pupils so the school should be very much involved.

Original poster

TheLadyEvenstar · 17/09/2009 22:13

I have told him he can stay at home tomorrow until I have spoken to the head teacher.
For those of you who know me as the reg poster I am I am normally moaning about how many problems he is causing with his behaviour but his behaviour has been great the last few weeks. Even more so since I have allowed him to go to school alone lol. But now I have got fearful of him being out alone again.

I am phoning the school from 8am because someone has to be there, and until they give me a satisfactory answer tomorrow as to what they are going to do then I guess he can have a fun day at home with me and ds2.

OP posts:

KIMItheThreadSlayer · 17/09/2009 22:14

YANBU please do every thing to stop this.
Talk to the school ASAP

paisleyleaf · 17/09/2009 22:27

Good on you.
and it'd be interesting to hear what happens from here.
I hope your DS is okay.

Original poster

TheLadyEvenstar · 17/09/2009 22:32

a friend of mine has just said i was wrong and i should have let it go as it would be over in a few weeks and he would probably become friends with them....

OP posts:

2rebecca · 17/09/2009 22:34

No, I would go to the police if I was assaulted and I would go to the police if my son was assaulted. Different if just started school and you're dealing with small kids who haven't grasped the rules yet and have poor impulse control, then I'd give the school a chance to sorted. If at secondary school though it would be police and school.

LadyGlencoraPalliser · 17/09/2009 22:39

Your friend is wrong.
A friend of mine had similar bullying issues when her DD started secondary. The biggest thing she now regrets is not having contacted the police after the first serious incident. The school did not take it nearly as seriously as they ought to have done (she had a knife held to her throat in a classroom before the teacher arrived for the lesson).
In the end, they moved her to a different school, but they still feel they should have involved the police at the time.
She also feels that if she had kept her DD at home the day after the incident and refused to send her back until she had an appointment with the HT to discuss a plan of action, she would have had a better outcome.

valhala · 17/09/2009 22:44

One word of warning, from personal experience. DD1 was punched in the face by a classmate last year whilst in the classroom (teacher had gone out to inspect the loo for a breakage). I waited for over a week for the school to contact me over this, despite several calls to them and was furious when the day after, having kept DD1 off intending to wait until I got the call back from the Year Head which I'd been promised on the late afternoon of the assault, the school called and threatened me with all sorts because DD was off of school but not ill.

I called the Police in the end as the school, even when they eventually did speak with me, were totally ineffectual and unhelpful. The Police at first tried to fob me off, telling me that new government policy states that such an incident "MUST" be dealt with in house.

If the Police try this with you, it is bull. You have every right to insist that they press charges if the school has demonstrated that it has not effectively dealt with the matter or, as in your case, they have proved that they are unwilling or unable to do so in the past. DO NOT let anyone fob you off hun, stand your ground.

On a positive note, when DD was interviewed by the Police they were brilliant, supportive, understanding and considerate.

I do hope that your DS is okay now and that you get this sorted - and that it NEVER happens again.

HerBeatitude · 17/09/2009 22:46

oh I would add that you follow up your phone call with an e-mail or other written communication.

It will show them that you are on the case.

foxytocin · 17/09/2009 22:47

if a school tries to bully you about keeping your son off you can respond by saying that you are concerned about your child's safety as so far they have not demonstrated that they are able to keep him safe. Part of the Every Child Matters policy which was drawn up and brought into effect from the Victoria Climbie Inquiry.

Original poster

TheLadyEvenstar · 17/09/2009 22:49

Herb, the police were brilliant they told me they take things like this seriously and if more parents came forward it would prevent half the crimes that go on.

He is ok just as i said very subdued and I am letting him have the day off tomorrow, he can have a fun day. But I will be calling the school and expecting something to be done.

OP posts:

Original poster

TheLadyEvenstar · 17/09/2009 22:50

Foxy Thankyou!

OP posts:

foxytocin · 17/09/2009 23:12

ECM look at the Aims and click on 'back ground to...'

pigletmania · 17/09/2009 23:36

Theladyevenstar your friend is totally wrong, this is assult, i dont think she would say that if it was her ds. Why should you ds want to be friends with thugs

cherryblossoms · 18/09/2009 00:15

LadyEvenstar - I know that your ds has had trouble with bullying in the past.

Have you been in touch with kidscape yet? If not, you must.

I read another thread where the OP contacted them and they sounded VERY on the case - right down to the fact that they had links with another school which a.) had a good record on anti-bullying b.) took children who were being bullied c.) appeared to be interested in accepting her child.

Your ds' school may well sort this out brilliantly but there is no harm in contacting kidscape asap. They are also great at strategies and support.

And good luck to you and your ds. It's awful. And your friend is wrong. Would she put up with being punched on the way home from work? It's not OK and the other child needs to know it is not OK.

Btw - I live in S. London and I haven't heard of anything like this going on with my ds' friends. Not yet, anyway. So it is really unacceptable.

Flip

1 2 3 4