to be so peeved that we spend approx £1400 a month on childcare

[couture1]

I know I have to pay for the service but it leaves me with little left over each month and we need to salaries to get by. I dont want to give up work as 1 cant afford to and 2 Im hoping that when 3dc are at school in 3 years time we will be better off each month - but how do we manage until then?

Rant rant rant

Ok so you were just being pedantic then Milly.

so Milly are you saying anyone, mums or dads who work from home are SAHM/SAHD's?

you must agree saying a childminder is a SAHM is wrong, childminders are busy busy, in the house for only a small part of the day

Milly i worked 50+ hrs a wk, after the last child went home i cooked tea for my two, ran hoover round and went to bed! weekends were paperwork, attending courses cleaning toys/equipment and cooking meals for during the week.

When all that was done i could spend time with MY kids.

During the day i had school runs, nursey runs, playgroup etc. I even helped parents out by buying nappies etc when they had run out and didnt have time.

As a childminder i had LESS time for my own children. You also have to remember childminders do not get a lunch break, no break at all!

no, not being unreasonable to feel like this. when my first 2 were in nursery i took home practically nothing after fees and tax. in those days every penny came out of taxed income.

i made myself look at it as shared childcare- it was expenses to allow both of us to work. it was worth it because the long term plan worked and now i have a well paid job.

however, i honestly think that childcare seems a lot to pay, but not a lot to charge( i wouldn't look after kids for the amount of money that childminders charge.

thank god for them

Yes taxes are higher in Sweden but if you see the benefits of higher taxes then you dont mind paying it as much. I do think that it is great if mums or dads can stay at home with their children, full or part time. But if you want or need to work then it is sooo frustrating that you cant make any money from doing so.

I do understand the frustration.

But you did have some choices that you chose to exercise to get you to this point. You presumably chose your job, you presumably choose now to stay in the job, you chose to have the number of children that you have and you chose the form of childcare.

Not very helpful I suppose.

I am always amazed that many people seem to think that they should earn significantly more than the staff (either day nursery or childminders or nannies) who look after their children!

Unless you are in a high-flying job and/or have unique skills which set you apart from the rest of the workplace, why would you earn lots more than the staff who are looking after your children?? I once knew someone who was scandalised that my children's nanny drove around in a baby Benz (A-class) while my acquaintance couldn't afford one. This person had an office job (decently paid but not raking in the cash) and seemed to believe that she should be earning a higher salary than someone whose job was looking after children. And she had children herself. It really higlighted the low esteem in which child carers seem to be held.

Not to say that I wouldn't like to keep a higher proportion of my salary instead of spending it on childcare, so I am also sympathetic to the OP.

I have never understood how earning to spend on childcare gives you a quality of life. I worked it out that working 2 days per week gets 2 days childcare and good subsitance. If I went back to admin job in city centre earing £17,500 pa would carry a minus figure...then whats the point? ON top of that I would hate the thought of rushing home on M4 (traffic nightmare) dealing with tired children, getting up at the crack of dawn,cooking "proper" food, preparing for the next day and weekends dragging the children around the shops and absolutely exhausted ready for the new week. The stress on relationships must be dreadful and earning just to pay for 2 weeks in the sun every year doesnt entice me either. I would be continually depressed and hate life. I have opted for the 2 days a week plus home life. I may not drive a flash car or holiday every year but I am more content with life. We still have a hang-up in this country on stay-at-home mums - surely life is only once and bringing up the children should be enjoyable and if it means being frugal then so what!

i have to agree with bacon here. what's the point of knocking yourself out just for a few extra £k's each year. I'd rather live on a basic amount each month and enjoy raising children than to have loads of money and let that be detrimental to everything else in my life. it's not worth all the hassle IMHO. You can go back to a career any time in life, same can't be said about watching your children grow up.

agree with lovechoc and stepaway
I work in childcare because I am bloody good at it. Not because I couldn't get a job doing anything else. By the time I finish my degree I will be as qualified if not more qualified than some of the parents who use our nursery. It still won't stop the small minority from thinking they are better than me because they do a 'proper' job.
But, I doubt I will get a pay rise though. Would you work for just over £6 an hour if you had a degree?

But Riven, two average earners equal £50k between them. Its not the earnings of mega rich people.

bacon - most families I know where both parents work f/t dont have a flash car or holiday every year! They work to pay basic bills, mortgage, etc.

I have worked f/t since both mine were babies, I can't drive so don't even have a car - my Ex has a 8 year old people carrier (so nothing flash by any means...) & before this year my children had never had a holiday abroad (they are now 8 & 11 btw).

And lovechoc, you can't go back to many careers after a large gap without considerable difficulty - I was off for a year after DS2 was born & had real difficulty in finding a job even with just that amount of time off. Taking any more time off would probably have made finding a job impossible.

Also, working f/t doesn't mean you miss seeing your children grow up!

agree with lovechoc and bacon.

bacon - but you miss the basic point that many women would rather chew off their own arm than be a full-time SAHM. I'm one of them!

I really don't find that the UK is a country with hang ups with regards to sahp, quite the contrary, really.

And often you need to be frugal with 2 salaries.
And what's so morally wrong in wishing to go on holidays once a yr anyway?

If you´d rather chew your arm off than be at home with your children-why have them?

here we go again... ad infinitum

francagoestohollywood,

I think it might depend where you live, TBH, and what other Mums do.

I lived in quite a small town, and there were a few of us Mums who were at home and it didn´t see to be an "issue".

I would find that women who "had" to work would comment on it and their partners refer to me as being "kept"!!

"If you´d rather chew your arm off than be at home with your children-why have them?"

Well because you might love your children very much indeed but your life might be rich and fulfilled and varied in its own right with a satisfying and challenging career. That's why.

"If you´d rather chew your arm off than be at home with your children-why have them?"

These comments always reminds me why I am not a SAHM mixing in the SAHM world, but out in the real world having conversation with normal people.

Here's a provocative question:

Is it possible to be a sahm and not be dull-witted?

Yes!