to be so peeved that we spend approx £1400 a month on childcare

[couture1]

I know I have to pay for the service but it leaves me with little left over each month and we need to salaries to get by. I dont want to give up work as 1 cant afford to and 2 Im hoping that when 3dc are at school in 3 years time we will be better off each month - but how do we manage until then?

Rant rant rant

I am very curious about the concept of "prevailing influence" in early childhood, based on the multiple examples of bilingual/multilingual families around me.

It is very apparent that children here in France who are in full-time French speaking childcare have great difficulty learning their minority language whereas children whose minority language parent stays at home with them have no difficulty acquiring both French and their minority language. So surely this is an example of the "prevailing influence" of a SAHP?

Do you think it is selfish to want to pass on your own language and culture to your child, anniemac?

I was actually thinking of it in terms of acquiring language too. Not so much language but accent. I haven't read any studies but I am sure that many young children have picked up the accent of the nanny rather than the parent.

Why is accent so important to you thedolly?

Surely what matters (much, much) more than accent is that the person caring for a young child on a daily basis uses a wide and correct vocabulary and grammatical structure?

Whilst it need not be a problem that young children pick up the accent of the nanny, it is a manifestation of what is the 'prevailing influence' with respect to acquiring an accent, good/bad grammar etc.

x posts BA

I never understand why any of this is an issue.

I don't think it matters if someone is a SAHM trying to deal with 1 year old triplets but loving every moment, a WOHM with kids in nursery 5 days a week, part time balance woman, or a SAHM who sends her children to a childminder so she can go horse riding or do scrapbooking or whatever.

What I cannot stand is all this justifying choices by going on about putting children first. I don't think women should be encouraged to think that their children's needs are always more important than their own.

I work full time. I am a mediocre parent. My children have (so far, at 11 and 8) turned out to be okay. They still have all their limbs and their sanity. I don't want my daughter to grow up and think she has to be some perfect parent. If she wants to be a SAHM, fine. But that should be because she enjoys it, not because her children must come first.

It is women who haven't choice to do what they want who have cause for complaint. But they seem to be the least judgemental!

Accent is not necessarily important to me, it is just a useful outward measure in the case of 'prevailing influence'.

I am a bit puzzled about the Govt subsidising childcare. Why should the taxpayer pay?
I f you have children shouldn't you pay for their childcare yourself or stay home till they are 5?
If the Govt subsidise it more as someone suggested, then surely taxes will have to go up and the DM will be bleating that not only do they pay for mums on benefits to stay at home, they pay for mums not on benefits to work!

anniemac - control and influence are not the same thing

It is not selfish to want to be the person who shapes your child's life/mind at an early stage of their development.

I do try to not to get riled by opposing opinions on MN, but thedolly, IMHO your comments on accent are wrong. My DD has picked up the local accent quite strongly (she is only 3), even though DH and I are not from the area. She probably has picked it up from nursery. IF this means that I am not her prevailing influence, then why am I the person she cries for if she wakes in the night, when she started school why did she ask for her mummy (and not a nursery worker)etc etc. Children are not daft, even at the very youngest age. They realise who their parents are, and whether they work full time or are SAHP, their mummy and daddy are the most important people in their lives.

Incidentally, my mum was a SAHM and her and my dad had strong accents from other regions of the country. I picked up the local accent so I guess I must have had some other 'prevailing influence'. Twaddle!

No, far from it! I think all those things are immensely important, but they are hard to measure, whereas language acquisition is very easily quantifiable and (since I have lots of examples around me) I have a statistically relevant sample to observe on an ongoing basis.

Sadly, your optimism is unfounded - unless children also receive tuition in their minority language, it becomes very difficult to maintain even for minority language parents who SAH. I do sadly know plenty of children who don't really speak their mother-tongue.

Do you believe that you can pass on your values if you haven't even managed to pass on your language?

Values are obviously much more important than accents anniemac, it's just harder to measure their acquisition.

skimming thread so point may have alreday been made. The more the govt subsidise childcare the more childcare providers will price in the subsidy and just put their prices up. Net effect to parent = zero.
This happens in any market driven arena when govt subsidised anything.

On a anecdotal, my cm put up my childcare fees when I start to pay her via vouchers. Her reason was that I was getting a govt subsidy.

Hmm. Since it is language that differentiates humans from animals, I do actually think it is vitally important!

x posts again

Mumofeve - one of the things which upset me when I was woh ft was when my toddler cried for his cm when he hurt himself.

Perhaps she's stayed away from the thread because it has veered off the point and become the usual predictable spat between a few posters, but I really do wish the op would come back and tell us what she thinks is a "fair" amount to pay for her three children in childcare and who she thinks should subsidise her to pay for it, and whilst she's at it, what she thinks the people who look after her children should earn pa or per hour.

Stamping little feeties and saying "its not fair" doesn't really get us anywhere.