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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be so peeved that we spend approx £1400 a month on childcare

675 replies

couture1 · 17/09/2009 16:44

I know I have to pay for the service but it leaves me with little left over each month and we need to salaries to get by. I dont want to give up work as 1 cant afford to and 2 Im hoping that when 3dc are at school in 3 years time we will be better off each month - but how do we manage until then?

Rant rant rant

OP posts:
oneopinionatedmother · 18/09/2009 13:53

waves to MakkaPakaswilly< - hope you and baby are well

hum, if you arn't eligible for any tax credits, that's probs cos you earn over 50k. If you earn over 50k as a household - why should the governent subsidise your childcare?

BonsoirAnna · 18/09/2009 13:53

I clearly do know that my DD's English would not be her main language today had I not stayed at home with her or employed an English nanny (which is not very easy to do). And, by staying with her, I had a very clear influence over the activities she did all day, activities that I believed were greatly preferable to the activities that she would have had in childcare (because I did go and look at the options). And she has clearly acquired skills that she would not have acquired had I not been around, since they are skills I have and could pass on. She has far fewer of DP's skills than of mine, although that is beginning to change as she gets older.

I think that you perhaps underestimate what is tangible and quantifiable about parenting. What is much harder to evaluate early on is the transmission of values, as that is something that emerges as children grow and can express their feelings about the world around them cogently.

anniemac · 18/09/2009 13:59

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anniemac · 18/09/2009 14:04

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BonsoirAnna · 18/09/2009 14:07

I think it is much easier to be clear about your parenting decisions when the options are very different from one another. Obviously if you are in the UK and are British (I know you are not), British childcare is going to be a lot closer to your own home values than French childcare is going to be to my values. So it's probably a bit harder to distinguish what your child would or would not get.

In my case, I know that French childcare is highly routine based (and it doesn't matter whether you are talking about crèches, nannies or paediatricians - they all sing to the same routine-based hymn sheet) and generally pretty authoritarian, and pretty much stamps out a child's imagination on principle. I would have been deeply distressed at leaving my child in those conditions. And it is clear to me that I have given her a much more child focused alternative - which is also, of course, part of my cultural baggage.

anniemac · 18/09/2009 14:14

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BonsoirAnna · 18/09/2009 14:28

And of course my DD went to pre-school at 2.10 - which is just standard here. Undoubtedly that has influenced her - she has learnt things at school about behaving in groups and in an institutional context that I could never have taught her at home.

thedolly · 18/09/2009 14:34

There is time enough to learn those things at 3.10.

BonsoirAnna · 18/09/2009 14:35

Only if that is the way school is organised where you live

thedolly · 18/09/2009 14:37

You shouldn't worry about being a social outcast BA - I don't .

BonsoirAnna · 18/09/2009 14:39

What do you mean thedolly? I sent my child to school at 2.10 because I had no other choice. It hasn't done her any harm (though admittedly I kept her home at the drop of a sneeze hat in her first year - but so did most parents, and if they didn't, they got a flea in their ear from the teacher).

thedolly · 18/09/2009 14:42

Children don't have to start 'school' that young in France.

Just because we get free nursery vouchers here when they turn 3 doesn't mean they have to go to nursery then either.

BonsoirAnna · 18/09/2009 14:45

They do. Although it is technically not obligatory, if you do not start your child off in petite section in a private school but keep him/her at home, you will find it mighty difficult to get a place for him/her further down the line. And our local state school is a sink school. You would have done the same in my position

loobylu3 · 18/09/2009 14:46

OP- I do think 1400 is a huge amount of money to be paying out for childcare each month. Childcare is expensive in this country compared to others. If you are not fortunate enough to have family to help and need to work for financial reasons or wish to work for other (perfectly valid) reasons, there is little choice but to pay for it! I think you just wanted to have a bit of a moan!
This thread has turned into the usual SAHM/ WOHM! Surely, either are perfectly valid choices. It is nonsense to say that WOHM are not the prevailing influence on a child's life. I am not talking about minor things such as an accent, but major life values, general expectations, good (and bad) habits, etc. Also, just because a man/ woman has chosen to be a SAHP, it does not follow that they will continue to have a close, healthy relationship with their child as they grow up and become an adult. Surely this long term relationship is more important than spending every moment with the child for the first three years of their life?

thedolly · 18/09/2009 14:56

loobylu3 and others fwiw I never said that a WOHM could not be the prevailing influence on a child's life.

I am confident that I am was the prevailing influence in the lives of my DC from 0-4. I am equally confident that my 'career' has taken a battering because of it.

Well done to those of you who manage to have it all .

thedolly · 18/09/2009 15:08

to the OP - you'll just have to look forward to all the things you'll be able to spend the money on a few years down the line. But don't get too excited as you know you'll probably still spend it on the kids.

MakkaPakkasWilly · 18/09/2009 15:14

We are well, hope you are good!

loobylu3 · 18/09/2009 16:01

It would be great to 'have it all' but I don't think that is possible dolly (I think you meant that tongue in cheek anyway)! We are all forced to make choices.
Although I am usually a part time working mother, my career has definitely suffered. There are not too many jobs around and employers are not exactly jumping over themselves to employ fertile women (especially those with three small children). I also feel guilty about not being able to attend every sports day, carol concert or whatever.

Original poster
couture1 · 18/09/2009 16:05

I have not been able to get back on here since yesterday afternoon and it is going to take an hour or so to read all of the thread.

We dont have luxuries, certainly not many - the odd bottle of wine or take away thats about it. We need two salaries to cover the mortgage and bills. In three years when all three are at school we will be much better off. I understand for quality childcare whether its nursery or child minder then its going to come at a price, these people dont work for nothing either and why should they - they do a damn good job.

Maybe I was just hoping for a bit more support from the government. If I was a single parent I would be so much better off financialy.

OP posts:
SamMitchell · 18/09/2009 16:08

I dont feel like I have a 'choice' about whether I fork out silly money for childcare, actually. Or a choice to work or not to work. I work because if I don't develop my career NOW, in my 30s, I wont be able to earn more money later on, in my 40s and beyond, meaning no financial support for ESSENTIALS like putting my kids through uni, having a decent pension / savings etc. I have to pay the going rate for childcare. Where's the 'choice' in that?

I love this idea that if only working women would just stay at home it would all be OK

loobylu3 · 18/09/2009 16:18

I feel the same SamM. If I were to give up my career for 10 years to raise the children, I wouldn't have a career to come back to at all. I would have to retrain for 6 months (at least) full time and completely unpaid. I would also have lost all confidence in my ability to do the job. I completely agree that you have to think long term and that there is no 'choice' about paying for childcare unless you have family prepared to help for free.

LittleMissNosey · 18/09/2009 16:24

I work PT around DH. I want to work FT but there is no way I could afford childcare. Childcare for dd alone would cost more than I would earn FT.

We are in a poverty trap and there is no way out, until dd starts school - 3 years away. We cannot afford our mortgage so have switched to interest only, sold our car (although public transport is so expensive we are not saving much) I recently sold a lot of our stuff on Ebay and am using this to fund christmas. The only 'luxury' I have afforded myself this christmas is baking - I will make a christmas pud, mince pies and a cake. There will no presents for anyone except dd - and they will be from Ebay.

We want another child but cannot afford one as I need to return to FT work asap.

DH and I often say we would be better living on benefits. We already live on a council estate, in an ex council house. Our neighbours have never worked have 6 children, run 2 cars, their eldest has an almost new moped, they have sky TV and enjoy weekly trips to bingo - they live like kings compared to us.
I often joke about kicking DH out, I would be RICH compared to how I am now, and my childcare would be paid for.

Low income co habiting/married couples are the worst off in this country - its a sham

anniemac · 18/09/2009 16:25

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fishie · 18/09/2009 16:29

couture don't be so sure - i've just discovered that i'm not going to save as much as i hoped

fishie · 18/09/2009 16:30

i mean when they go to school, i am not a sp

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