to not want my ds to sleep round his grandparents every weekend

[NobbyD]

My ds is 14 months and a baaaad sleeper. He's up about 2/3 times a night at the moment and both my and dp work full time.

I work longer hours than dp and he does all pick up and drop off at nursery. ds goes nursery 4days a week and has Fridays with his grandparents (my dp's parents).

Ocassionally, when we have had some real rough nights my MIL will offer to have ds overnight, to which I am very grateful. However it is now becoming too frequent for me.

I already feel that I don't get enough time to spend with ds and don't want every weekend to be apart from him. He stayed at his grandparents last saturday night and they have offered again this weekend to which I have respectfully declined but now my dp is moaning about it. As he is really tired due to continuous night waking he wants to cart ds off again so he can get some sleep.

Whilst I do understand that we are both tired and cranky I just can't bare the thought of dumping off my son just because he's having a few bad nights and especially as my weekends are so precious with him.

AIBU?

YANBU

but how lovely your MIL is offering to do this for you

do it as often as you and your DP feel happy with

Can they not have him Friday night instead after having him for the day, then you and dp get friday evening together and a good nights sleep, then have the weekend as a family?

My DSS spends every Friday night at my IL's but due to trying not to 'rock the boat' after DH and DSS had lived there before our marriage. It's lovely getting a night free and some adult time but, TBH, it's caused more problems than it solves and like you, I also feel bad for not spending time with DSS when I already feel guilty for not being the person who picks him up from school.

Why don't you suggest he stays there on Thursday night (they could pick him up from nursery) and then your DP can pick him up from nursery on the Friday. That way you and your DP get one night of good sleep but you're not missing much 'awake' time with him. We told the IL's we'd pick DSS up at 10am on Saturday's as we knew otherwise they'd keep him for longer and the few times they've dropped him off, it's been an hour late-eats into our weekend time. So make sure you agree times or you'll regret it later!!

How about DS spending Thursday night at his grandparents, before spending Friday with them? And then you could pick him up on Friday night and have the whole weekend with him, having had a great night's sleep on Thursday?

Unless it is an absolute necessity, such as for needing to go to work in the evenings, sleeping at the grandparents should be a treat or an emergency only.

I know someone who is constantly fobbing her kid off on the MIL and then wonders why they don't sleep at home. Then moans 'I need the break though' to which I respond 'you don't ever get a break from being a parent'.

Tell your DP to buck up his ideas

No, its very tough working 5 days and I understand that you want to see your baby at the weekends. But its is very nice to have a MIL that offers to help. Can you tackle the crying? I know its harsh but at 14 months maybe some tough love "sleep training" might be required?

YANBU. I can understand both points of view though, and I see why DH likes a wee break. Maybe once a month or something?

I think that BonsoirAnna's idea is a good one.

Although personally, I would have been loathe to let my 14mo sleep out that often

Or your dp could sleep at your IL's himself so he can get some sleep and you get some time with your ds!

Was just going to suggest what GrapefruitMoon did!

Thanks people!
Lots of good food for thought.

Trouble is with letting him stay over on say a Thursday or Friday is that I then won't see him ALL day. I would leave for work to return home with no cuddle from my baby

I do very much appreciate it when she does have him sleep over as its not easy going through the night with him, but she seems to offer A LOT! She loves him so much that I'm almost jealous of the relationship!!!

Evmw - done the sleep training thing. Those who peep on the sleep thread will know my postings. Nothing works. He is a nightmare and I just have to cope!

I know dp just wants some adult time and some sleep, so do I, but I feel like I've lost a limb when I don't see my baby everyday and would hate for people to think that I dump him when the go and gets tough!

GrapefruitMoon - ha ha I've suggested that one to him myself and he is tempted!!!!

DD2 is 21 months I have never spent a night apart from her and TBH dont really want to!
Every week nope wouldnt see it as a treat at all

DD is 22 months and I haven't had a night apart from her and I wouldn't want to.

BUT I could do with a decent night's sleep - I haven't had one in absolutely months! I just could not let her go every week though if I were to leave her....

Can you send DP over to his parents instead - he gets a full nights' sleep and you get your DS to yourself, at home..

Agree I'd go for sleep training rather than disrupting his sleep pattern with changing venues.

twopeople- thanks for you thoughts. It is lovely to know that my son and my IL have a loving relationship and I hope it continues. I would say she probably already has him overnight once a month. And it isn't all weekend but by the time you get to pick him up and have a cuppa tea most of the day has gone so I'll only get one full day and one afternoon with him which for his mummy just doesn't feel enough!

Plus I already do take him swimming on Sunday mornings to give dp a lie-in.

Oh no I am worried now. I would just love this. If my MIL offered, I would bite her hand off.

Very jealous at you having in laws who are so into their grandchild. Ours NEVER offer to have our dcs for the night, only when we asked and it was for a good reason.

However, I think your main problem, if you want to call it that, is the sleep issue. Try and set aside some time to sort that out and then everything else will fall into place.

(She says smiling brightly and trying to gloss over the horror of sleep training....)

Oh no now I'm feeling like I am being slightly unreasonable!

I know I am very lucky to have ILs that take such an interest in their first grandchild. My parents, although equally as loving, they have two other grandchildren who tend to come first!!

And I am so grateful for all the help they give and I in no way want to come across like I'm not or take it for granted. But I miss my ds so much during the week that even the thought of him being away at night when I should be with him sends me into tears. I put up with it on odd occassions because I know we need sleep and adult time (currently living in one bed house so still share a room, hoping to move soon but whole other thread...)

Sometimes though I do wish the help they give would be to let me have a weekend of fun with my ds and they do my housework rather than the other way around (but then I am being unreasonable!!!)