To expect people not to stare - aren't we all taught that it's rude?

[sickofsocalledexperts]

I have an autistic son, and sometimes when we are out and about he makes funny noises, or movements, or has a meltdown. It's pretty obvious that he's not just a "naughty" kid as he is too big not to be talking by now. Yet people just gawp and stare - making it 100 times worse. It happened in Clarks the other day, with literally 5 mums and their kids staring at us. I felt like standing up and making an announcement - "my son is autistic, it is a condition he was born with and I am trying extremly hard to get him to behave better, 24 hours a day, but if you wouldn't mind, you all staring at him like he's some kind of fucking zombie, isn't helping, nor are you teaching your own children much compassion or courtesy." I remember being taught it's rude to stare - is that lesson out of fashion nowadays?

Maybe Riven if you and your dd are both in chairs other parents are staring in an awestruck kind of a way?
As in bloody hell I can't cope with this whole motherhood thing and I have no physical problems to contend with?

Just a thought..

By the way have a few MS questions wouldn't mind asking you if you don't mind?

My brother has learning disabilities and is slightly autistic, he is now in his 30?s and my Mum experienced the same behaviour from people in the 70?s, once she was served by a shop assistant who laughed at him, she?s a tough women so she?d never admit how much that hurt.

It?s awful when people state but over his childhood we had far more positive interaction with strangers than negative, some complete strangers we so kind and supportive.

After a while we were too busy to notice the stares and got tired of caring anyway, consequently as his sister I am almost impossible to embarrass, I?ve seen it all. I think people do still stare, my brother needs to hold someone?s arm to steady himself which probably looks a bit odd, but never mind, my brother has his own ways of putting people at ease and dealing with situations that we would never expect him to.

Good luck, it?s tough, but it will get easier and you will meet some good people too, they are still out there!

You are all so kind, but I think people stare out of curiosity and they have no manners to make them stop.

start a thread girlsyears apart ta

will do tried one in parents with disabilities but got zero..

I get this with DS1,8. It's actually the looks of sympathy that upset me more.

Sod off - he's amazing.

Thank you all for your replies - I wish Justine at Mumsnet would make this a topic of the day as I think we should have a mumsnet campaign to start teaching very young children again old fashioned courtesies like - don't stare, be kind, think of others before yourself, tolerate others who are different, respect your elders. I know I sound like an old fogey, but all that good stuff is gone now, lost in some great morass of "self respect", "keeping it real", "valuing yourself" and "everyone's a winner". Somewhere along the line we made our children believe so fucking much in themselves, and their rights, that we forgot to teach them about being kind to others before expecting "respect" yourself. I think a lot of adults who didn't get taught that stuff could pick it up along the way.

probably because its hidden girls. I never get any replies there too. Stick it in general health. or chat

THIS is the Tshirt

LOVE IT

Further to my earlier post,

I was at GOSH with DS today. Lots of children with facial differences, visable disabilities etc.

Had a few tricky moments. Of all the things that DS does, I think this is the one I find hardest to deal with.

I just really hate the thought of a child being hurt by his words even though I know they are not meant to be malicious.

Because once something is said, it stays said, whatever the intention behind it.

I suppose I have to just keep on with the process.

That is hard chegirl, and of course your DS does not know he is hurting anyone's feelings. Lollipop in handbag to give to him on these occasions and stop him blurting stuff out?? Not an easy one at all.

Thanks Sickof

I think he will eventually get there. He does learn, it just takes him a while for the info to stick.

I know that he isnt being nasty, there is now way I would put up with that, SN or no SN.

The lollipop is not a bad idea

I hope that children are becoming more tolerant than previous generations thanks to school inclusion and children's programmes like CBBC, especially Justin, who the dcs love. DS is fascinated by a neighbour's electric chair and the rear lift of the bus that collects him & I hope they don't think he's rude. He's too shy to say hello but am encouraging him to wave.

When adults stare I am sure it is beyond irritating and I agree it is unforgivably rude.

But can we cut the children who stare some slack? How I wish that it was possible to explain to a young child just once that something is unacceptable because it hurts another person's feelings, or offends them, and for that message to stick. I have been reminding my 8 year old dd about her table manners at every meal for, oh, about four years now, and she still forgets to use her knife and fork properly, eat slowly, etc, all too often.

Children generally need to be asked or told something many many times before it properly sinks in.